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Thread: Need help explaing to my mate what a "mommy" is

  1. #1

    Default Need help explaing to my mate what a "mommy" is

    So i recently told my mate i'm an ABDL and while I don't think she completely understands everything about it, she seems to think that she can't be my girlfriend if she plays a mommy role in our play play. I need help giving her a good definition for things she really doesn't understand.

    She know's the reason i'm an ABDL and what an ABDL is but that's really all she knows.

  2. #2

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    Well of course, being a "mommy" is just that: a role which she would play for that duration. I don't understand why she couldn't understand that she's still your girlfriend? My guess is that she's using that as an excuse because she doesn't want to play your mommy. If that's not the case and she's up for playing mommy, the two of you should read Natalie Bent's book, "There's a Baby In My Bed". The first half of the book should be some help. The second half is more for males who when regressing, identify as being a girl baby.

  3. #3

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    Something that helped with my boyfriend and I was actually writing a rulebook.

    Turned out to be an awesome and fun idea! We both learned a few things along the way, the most important being what specific needs the activity met for each of us (but also including specific ways to handle ageplay events). I can send a full example, if you are interested; it's worded in the third-person, has a table of contents, etc. The below is a text snippet.



    In the end, it turned out I was misinterpreting our lack of "play" together as disinterest--when in reality, he enjoyed our time together but simply didn't know how to play the role. We both really look forward to playtime, now.
    Last edited by Kif; 06-May-2015 at 05:47.

  4. #4

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    It's your relationship (I mean both of yours). You set the terms and conditions together. Even if there were no girlfriends anywhere who would also be mommies, you two could decide to give it a shot. I think Dogboy's observation is very possible: she may be looking for a way to avoid doing this or perhaps she doesn't understand how significant this is for you and how she could play a role which is strange to her but one she might end up enjoying a lot given the chance. You're both going to have to be good at communication to make this thing work.

    You might think we're sort of dodging the issue here but we can't very well tell you what kind of mommy you want. Mommies can be sexy or not, loving or domineering, or all of the above by turns. When you know what you want from her, let her know and then she can start considering if it is something she can do.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chibifoxkit View Post
    She know's the reason i'm an ABDL and what an ABDL is but that's really all she knows.
    Hi
    some questions that could really help understand where it is she is coming from.

    Is she a "vanilla" girl? Or is she already familiar with fetishes or BDSM at all?
    If she already knows how a Dom/sub relationship works it will go along way.
    It may not be the same as a Big/little relationship, but they are similar enough to get it.

    Is this part of your relationship going to be sexual or nonsexual?

    Is this going to be a sometimes thing with a normal BF/GF relationship?

    aLSO a word of advice. Once she gets the basics down and understands how it all works give her time and space. Dont go all overboard the first time, dip your feet, dont go diving right into the deep end.

    This may be YOUR thing and you may have this perfect scene worked out in your head, but remember there are TWO of you there.
    figure out each others boundaries, be sure to stick to them, and if you want this to last, you both have to be having fun, not just you.

    Let her explore this new role, let her make it her own, she might make mistakes, but she will be much happier and open knowing she isnt restricted by having to follow your perfect fantasy scene script and feeling like she is just a living prop in all this.

    Oh and if she has a thing, I do hope you plan on indulging her fantasies once in a while too. We tend to really like that sorta stuff, you know two way streets and all.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Like what trevor said.
    Are you looking for a nice sweet mommy?
    A naughty mean mommy?
    A you're a bad boy - diapers for you! mommy?
    a sexy sexy fun time mommy?
    OK I ran out of ideas already, but you get it right?
    And maybe she might like being one of those kinds of mommy and you want another. so switch, or maybe she may like'em all IDK?

  6. #6

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    Thanks for your help guys; now to answer some things.

    First off, I should state she is somewhat vanilla, while she's rather open minded to these things to me, she did grow up in a somewhat sheltered environment. Her mother never really let her watch cartoons and the like, some tv but not much, so she was limited to books for the most part. I don't have much of a problem with this due to most of the stuff on tv being trashy anyhow, but she has started watching cartoons and anime with me as she knows I enjoy it and I think she enjoys it a little as I've seen her chuckle on occasion. She told me she does have a few interests of her own that she actually thought overshadowed mine and I almost broke into laughter due to how...rather common some of those things are in the lifestyle.

    She has her fantasies which i'm willing (not too interested in mind you but willing to do because it makes her happy,) with things like bondage, blindfolds and the like. She seems rather turned on by the idea and she's more then willing to experiment with things. We have an agreement that if either of us ever feel uncomfortable with something that's not related to anxiety or the fear that your doing a bad job, then we'll stop, talk about it and see if it's something either or both of us want to continue.

    I've realized that if I slowly introduce her into what a dom/sub relationship is, I think she can get a good enough handle on things. She read things like Mama Jen's pages where it goes in depth in explaining why we are the way we are usually and things that we like to do, she also ready the wikifur babyfur page due to it being rather well built.

    Overall she said her biggest concern was that there would never be a separation between "Mommy" and "Girlfriend" so when I realized that I explained to her that there is indeed a set separation, i'm just having a hard time trying to tell her how without the knowledge of a dom/sub relationship so i'm trying to figure out how to properly give her the idea about it. She also said she doesn't want this to be sexual which I'm somewhat inclined to believe as I tend to shy away from the diaper fetish aspect and lean more towards the AB aspect.

    We haven't really tried anything yet but she said she'd be willing to do stuff with me to see if she can enjoy it. I made it a strict requirement that if she didn't enjoy it, then not to do it. That included being neutral to it, if she's going to do it I want her to be happy ya know, not just picture it as a thing she does to make me happy. Also Kif, your idea for that book was glorious, i'm talking to her about making one of those for us.

    I suppose what's left is asking for help on how to both define a dom/sub relationship, modify it for abdl/mommy and then tell her the difference between that and being my mate due to the fact that she genuinely enjoys caring for me already since a lot of things that I have a fantasy for actually lap over. I'm a rather ill health-ed person, always have been and it's never been within my control, she knew this and one day I asked her if I made her miserable, she just opened up and told me she loves taking care of me and the like. Once things got sexual we started talking after about two months, she has no problem with me being an abdl btw, I can't stress this enough, she's afraid there will be no definition between the two sides.

    My apologies that I didn't say all this earlier, I just wasn't sure what to say.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kif View Post
    Something that helped with my boyfriend and I was actually writing a rulebook.
    Not to derail the thread, but since you mentioned it, would you mind sending me a 'full example'? I'd be really curious to see it.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by CharliePup View Post
    Not to derail the thread, but since you mentioned it, would you mind sending me a 'full example'? I'd be really curious to see it.
    Check the spoiler they have on their message. Though I'd still like a bit more advise if possible.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by CharliePup View Post
    Not to derail the thread, but since you mentioned it, would you mind sending me a 'full example'? I'd be really curious to see it.


    Quote Originally Posted by Chibifoxkit View Post
    Check the spoiler they have on their message. Though I'd still like a bit more advise if possible.
    Yeah, on that note, I'd prefer to send a link privately...but Charlie, your inbox is full. ^_^

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kif View Post
    Something that helped with my boyfriend and I was actually writing a rulebook.

    Turned out to be an awesome and fun idea! We both learned a few things along the way, the most important being what specific needs the activity met for each of us (but also including specific ways to handle ageplay events). I can send a full example, if you are interested; it's worded in the third-person, has a table of contents, etc. The below is a text snippet.



    In the end, it turned out I was misinterpreting our lack of "play" together as disinterest--when in reality, he enjoyed our time together but simply didn't know how to play the role. We both really look forward to playtime, now.
    I'd like to see the full thing too, of its not too much trouble.

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