"You make us look bad"

I was watching several videos of AB/DL people on the internet (clips from TV shows etc.) and some of the comments on the videos and on other websites seem to be along the lines of "(to the AB/DL person) you make us look bad".

Largely this is because of the way they are presented on TV but for some reason it really annoys me when I see stuff like this within the community. It's kind of like, how can be expect people to accept and tolerate us if we can't even tolerate each other?

I hate it when people complain that others are too "over the top" or they "perpetuate a stereotype". I've always been for people being who they wanted to be. I don't see a problem with AB/DL's dressing childishly when in public. Dress in a way that makes you feel happy and true to yourself and if others have something negative to say about it, then that's their problem.

I don't care if people on TV or whatever give AB/DLism a "negative image". In the end, if someone is going to judge me based on how others behave, I don't even want to associate with them, much less care what they think.. Wow I'm on a rant I need to calm down..

Whatever though, sorry if this post is just wierd or stupid, I'm in one of my moods (I'll probably regret posting this thread tomorrow anyway.) Ok whatever BYE

I have to disagree. There is a difference between people who dress "childishly" (e.g. short overalls or something) and people who take their personal lives into public. I would absolutely never wear and use in public because it's uncalled for. Non-IC ABDLs have no business doing that stuff in public because it puts others in an uncomfortable position. It's the same as ABDLs who wear onesies in public. At the end of the day, whether or not ABDL is a fetish to an individual, it is fetish <em>behavior,</em> and that's what matters. Someone might like to wear latex in a non-sexual way, but it's still inappropriate to do it in public because it is fetish attire. ABDL is an alternative lifestyle whether we like it or not, and I have no desire to see ABDLs fully expressed like that in public. It really is that kind of exhibitionist behavior that paints us in a bad light.

I don't think the obvious public behavior, whether on TV or in real life is doing us any favors. I think it is likely to give people the idea that being loud and proud with this is our ultimate goal as a community, not understanding that in that sense, we have no community. I also worry that it can set unrealistic and potentially harmful expectations for young and impressionable ABDLs as to what it means to be this way. However, I also think we're all responsible for ourselves and I can't expect others to conform to my expectations of good behavior. Anyone soliciting my opinion on the matter is going to get it but I'm not going to chase people around online telling them to behave.

417PlacesToGo said:

I have to disagree. There is a difference between people who dress "childishly" (e.g. short overalls or something) and people who take their personal lives into public. I would absolutely never wear and use in public because it's uncalled for. Non-IC ABDLs have no business doing that stuff in public because it puts others in an uncomfortable position. It's the same as ABDLs who wear onesies in public. At the end of the day, whether or not ABDL is a fetish to an individual, it is fetish <em>behavior,</em> and that's what matters. Someone might like to wear latex in a non-sexual way, but it's still inappropriate to do it in public because it is fetish attire. ABDL is an alternative lifestyle whether we like it or not, and I have no desire to see ABDLs fully expressed like that in public. It really is that kind of exhibitionist behavior that paints us in a bad light.

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No one is going to know you are wearing a diaper unless you make it that obvious but even IC people hide it in public. Even if someone finds out or you show, they are going to think it's medical. It's no different than a man crossdressing or a man wearing panties or a bra. But even transwomen go out in public as a woman so if we were to see a crossdresser, we would think they were transgender.

Also a onesie is worn under clothes and you can wear pants over it and people will just think it's a shirt.

417PlacesToGo said:

I would absolutely never wear and use in public because it's uncalled for. Non-IC ABDLs have no business doing that stuff in public because it puts others in an uncomfortable position.

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I'm sorry, but I fail to understand how wearing a carefully-concealed diaper beneath sports clothing and wetting while I walk through Target or Best Buy is putting anyone else in an "uncomfortable position."

If I were doing more than wetting, or if the diaper were showing, I'd see how others might find that "uncomfortable," and I'd agree that it's "uncalled for" since I'm not IC.

The key is a careful exercise of restraint and common sense. Whether the activity is "uncalled for" isn't for anyone else to judge.

I am mostly in the closet with being an Adult Baby.

i agree with you i think i think its wrong for us to talk like we have some image to maintain i think it stupid the only time we have to say this is not the majority is when people do something that is wrong or illegal like when a guy calls a girl randomly and ask her to talk dirty to her or some crazy thing like that

sbmccue said:

I'm sorry, but I fail to understand how wearing a carefully-concealed diaper beneath sports clothing and wetting while I walk through Target or Best Buy is putting anyone else in an "uncomfortable position."

If I were doing more than wetting, or if the diaper were showing, I'd see how others might find that "uncomfortable," and I'd agree that it's "uncalled for" since I'm not IC.

The key is a careful exercise of restraint and common sense. Whether the activity is "uncalled for" isn't for anyone else to judge.

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The problem isn't people who conceal them. If you want to wear whatever under normal clothes, that's 100% fine. The problem comes from people who don't conceal - I only criticize exhibitionists who outwardly appear in baby clothes - or worse - just a diaper. And yes, when I refer to wearing diapers as uncalled more, I do mostly mean messing and intentionally showing them off, like sagging pants or, again, a onesie or no bottoms at all. As long as you're actively hiding whatever you're doing and it wouldn't be noticed by the average person, then I really can't say anything. It's people who want attention that give the community look bad, and unfortunately, that extremely visible minority is something that we have to defuse.

Then again, people are are IC also don't show off their diapers and they also conceal them so saying none IC ABDLs' was moot. You should have left out the IC part because you make it sound like it's acceptable for IC people to do that but not AB/DLs.

You are dead wrong. People who do this are terrible for this community. It only brings negative attention.

Society's standards on what is right and wrong when it comes to sexual exhibitionism are set in stone depending where you live. There are no ways that we can dramatically make a change towards how sexuality is portrayed in the public eye, as unless we as a society decide to push towards full sexual freedom towards alternative lifestyles, the perpetuating feelings of doubt will always lie beneath. If a person really wishes to make a decision to out themselves, that is their choice. It should be their actions that define that specific person however, and not the fetish that one might be living out that defines who they are as a human being. I feel society tends to forget that aspect way too much.

Milko said:

I hate it when people complain that others are too "over the top" or they "perpetuate a stereotype". I've always been for people being who they wanted to be. I don't see a problem with AB/DL's dressing childishly when in public. Dress in a way that makes you feel happy and true to yourself and if others have something negative to say about it, then that's their problem.

I don't care if people on TV or whatever give AB/DLism a "negative image".

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I completely agree with this! My eyes roll back into my skull whenever I see people acting like individuals can be held accountable for how an entire subculture in perceived - or like people should change their behavior so nobody will perceive a group negatively because of it. There's a lot of stuff I don't particularly agree with or want to do myself, but I don't get upset because people might think all ABDLs (or whatever group) are like this. Like Trevor said, we're all responsible for ourselves.

I always think that either people are going to listen and accept me for me - or they're not and they'll judge me anyway. The kind of person who makes assumptions about me and my littleness based on other random people (and who also judges those people very harshly) despite what I say about it isn't someone I think I could be friends with, anyway.

CharliePup said:

I completely agree with this! My eyes roll back into my skull whenever I see people acting like individuals can be held accountable for how an entire subculture in perceived - or like people should change their behavior so nobody will perceive a group negatively because of it. There's a lot of stuff I don't particularly agree with or want to do myself, but I don't get upset because people might think all ABDLs (or whatever group) are like this. Like Trevor said, we're all responsible for ourselves.

I always think that either people are going to listen and accept me for me - or they're not and they'll judge me anyway. The kind of person who makes assumptions about me and my littleness based on other random people (and who also judges those people very harshly) despite what I say about it isn't someone I think I could be friends with, anyway.

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This thread is far too idealistic. You're right, a small subset shouldn't color the group, but the reality is that it does. We have to educate people without forcing them to behold us in public...

Clarity said:

You are dead wrong. People who do this are terrible for this community. It only brings negative attention.

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This.

Are these individuals:
1. Taking away other's ability to choose (via threats of danger, restraints, blackmail, Sexual Predetors, ect)?
2. Technically publicly indecent (Exposing genitals, tits, a-hole, or allowing clothing to be excessively revealing[diapers don't show anything, and Conservative Utah even deemed it equal to wearing a swim suit])?
3. Getting in the way of the flow of average public activities (laying down in front of traffic, halting the flow of peoples lives even if they choose to ignore the person)?

If not, then who are we to argue against them for expressing themselves. If they aren't harming others, and they are just showing off who they are on the inside, then we can't stop it. Who knows, maybe there are more adult babies actually want to be public than there are who don't want to be. If people are allowed to act as they will, then newer definitions will be associated with those people. There will be adult babies who are public about it, and then adult babies who are not.

What is important is that people learn to be accepting of others life styles as long as they don't impede their own. Otherwise we will enter a world of suppression.

Allowing safe self expression is what makes a country great and free.

I agree with the op that it is sad that there is so much negativity about these videos. Sure, it might taint the image of Adult Babies, but there are productive ways of teaching about that, rather than hateful remarks from your own community. Also, what if recognition towards your little side is what some adult babies need, then who am I or any of us, to deny them the chance to find happiness. I say, let them do it, as long as they are not being threatening to other people then let the world see an oddity. If the world had no social deviance, we would all be sipping on tea telling children not to speak unless spoken to. And then we would commence to our discussions over finance and Royalty.

I do not feel that I am "over the top" with respect to being an Adult Baby.
Of course, I may be wrong, and I accept this.

What annoys me are people going on TV and claiming it is going to do good things for the "community". TLC is pretty much a modern freak show. They have a lot of the same acts: midgets, fat people, people with disfiguring diseases and tattooed people. They sometimes pretend that they are educational but mostly it is just a politically correct way to gawk at freaks. The freak show never did much to to advance the performers or disabled people more than provide a few with a paycheque, so don't pretend the modern version is helping out the community in any way.

Common sense is no longer common

MasterPython said:

What annoys me are people going on TV and claiming it is going to do good things for the "community". TLC is pretty much a modern freak show. They have a lot of the same acts: midgets, fat people, people with disfiguring diseases and tattooed people. They sometimes pretend that they are educational but mostly it is just a politically correct way to gawk at freaks. The freak show never did much to to advance the performers or disabled people more than provide a few with a paycheque, so don't pretend the modern version is helping out the community in any way.

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As a person with Asperger's Syndrome and Cerebral Palsy, "I am not a fucking freak!".:wallbash:

I'm sorry I don't understand the argument. (beyond the pipe dream of trying to draw a line on what everyone defines as inappropriate.)

Are we arguing over how to improve our public image? If so, then how will our continued hiding solve anything?
Anyone can complain about the exhibitionists, but does anyone ever offer some kind of productive advice to this end?

417PlacesToGo said:

We have to educate people without forcing them to behold us in public...

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then do it.

caitianx said:

As a person with Asperger's Syndrome and Cerebral Palsy, "I am not a fucking freak!".:wallbash:

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That's not what he's saying. He's saying TLC tries to make people who are significantly different from the majority of society, appear as freaks, or at least, someone to be made fun of. Hell, we've all felt that sting.

I'm a little conflicted on this issue because, judging from my own sensibilities, I would never reveal myself in public to be AB/DL. I have a strong need to protect myself and how others perceive me. But others make a case that if the public never sees us, they live in ignorance, or worse, have only the worst examples to judge the entirety of us.

The other end of the spectrum is Stanley who appeared on Nat Geo. I've talked to him a number of times on this site and I find him to be a very nice, engaging person. Personally, I like him. We all have this place in our head where we live. For most of us, it's where almost everyone else lives, but for a few, it's in a strange and distant land. At least it's perceived that way by the majority.

When all is said and done, we simply need to find a better way to inform the public, if it's necessary at all, as to who we are. The written word is powerful, and I think is a better medium for understanding, than sensationalist television shows. Just my opinion.