Last edited by zackiepooh1992; 03-May-2015 at 13:41.
Without much context the most important thing I can say is that a relationship requires open and honest communication. If there is something bothering you this badly you owe it to yourself and to her to speak about it with her. If something is still bothering you then you need to explain that it's still bothering you. This is the best I can really say not understanding what happened when you tried talking it out with her before.
That being said, please always try to be considerate. Keep in mind that she might be trying to make time for you and it might be difficult for a large amount of reasons. Encourage her to also express her feelings, and empathize with her. Every situation with two people has two sides to it. If you two are both legitimately having a lot of fun, I'm sure she liked to spend time with you too. Maybe other factors are keeping her from as frequently visiting as she might like and if that's the case it might be a bit unfair to blame it all on her. Keep yourself open minded. Be open to the idea of being strong and patient with her, if she's doing her best.
I never find it's ever a bad idea to tell her how much you love her, as well.
Last edited by zackiepooh1992; 03-May-2015 at 00:25.
I do feel like I need to point out that I personally don't find it healthy to think of love and relationships like this.. constant attempt to match the other one's love, generosity, and kindness. While it's important that you are receiving the love and support that you need in a any relationship, it's also a trap to think of that feeling in terms like.. "trying on par with me". I feel like thinking that way turns love into a contest, which I don't think love should be. Instead I highly recommend thinking of your feelings in terms of .. "I'm not getting something out of this relationship that I need."
Again with the little I know about the situation, I suggest bringing it up again, but through the context of asking her in a non-accusatory manner why she thinks you guys aren't spending time together? Get information on what's causing it. What you could do possibly to facilitate talking more. She absolutely has a side to this, and you'll need to understand it to fix it.
Work is certainly taxing, and coming home from it can feel draining. Be sure to come from an empathetic place in understanding that she just might feel really exhausted sometimes and it might be nothing personal. That being said, steady and open communication are so important. There are ways you could try to naturally make talking with you easier. Do you know her work schedule? Maybe you could send sweet messages after a long day of work, encouraging words of sweetness that show you're thinking of how hard her day was. Bring up topics easy for you two to talk about, the things you have in common. Don't be afraid to send sweet messages letting her know that you care. If you know her work schedule, you could plan activities on the days you both have off. Try to come up with something fun you two could do together that makes her naturally excited to spend time with you!
Sometimes in relationships, people can forget how much fun they have together. Especially when they are going through troubles as everything starts feeling complicated.
I dunno. I do think it's super important that you are spending time together, and that she makes the effort to do so. I just have always worked from a place of helping to make that happen too, working together in all aspects of a relationship. Just remember that in the end, it's super important that you are getting what you find important and what you need out of a relationship, and your feelings and needs really matter.
Last edited by zackiepooh1992; 03-May-2015 at 02:54.
I can definitely understand wanting to talk regularly. Personally, I post here almost every day and I talk to my close friends most days, probably 5-7 days of the week mostly. So I would feel much the same as you are if I were in your situation.
But, okay, so, now what? You're feeling like she's not paying attention to you and you don't feel like you've done anything to make her upset at you. So now you have to work it out somehow.
You should communicate with her and let her know how you're feeling. Maybe you can find something to do together that isn't so draining for her when she's tired. Maybe she's capable of putting out more effort and doesn't know that you need it. Maybe she isn't and there's a mismatch between what you need out of the relationship and what she's capable of giving. It would still be better to find that out now than wait several more months to learn it, right? Talk to her. Be nice, don't blame anyone, but be clear about your needs.
Edit: this is gonna hurt, but I'm going to say it anyway. I'm very sorry, but it doesn't matter if you want to be with her forever if she doesn't feel that way about you.
I'm assuming here that she lives in close proximity to you? If that's the case, you should be with each other at least on the weekends, etc. The only way this can have any resolution is through discussion. I hope things work out for you.
Thank you all for the support!!! Is there a way i can delete this thread now? And to keep everyone updated we are in the process of working things out