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Thread: Told my husband, was a lot less tactful than I thought.

  1. #1
    Gemmy

    Default Told my husband, was a lot less tactful than I thought.

    So I came out to my husband about my coming to the forum, posting an intro, and looking into the community as a whole. Well, i didn't exactly come out to him, breadcrumbs and whatnot, led to me admitting it, and soo... yeah. Tact was not a factor in me telling my husband about my Age Regression / Diapers side.

    So that taken into consideration, we had a long discussion. He was cool with the idea of Age regression and diapers as a kink, something sexual. I told him that based on how I feel about it, it's a non-sexual thing for me.

    And that's where we can't see eye to eye. He can't see it as anything but sexual, and it isn't a sexual thing for me, I get no sexual gratification from the thought.

    So, I invited my husband to join, and I'm hoping that he can get all the information and support he'll need to understand where I'm coming from.

    If you see "GemmysHubby", give him a warm welcome ^^

    And if you have any stories or explanations you'd like to share with him, please feel free to reply here, and when he gets the chance, he'll come by and post too ^^

    EDIT: Here's what he had to say so far:




    Quote Originally Posted by GemmysHubby View Post
    Hi all,

    So obviously I'm Gemmy's husband. We've been together for 8 years now, and have always been very open with each other about our thoughts, feelings, fantasies and kinks (or so I thought) and they have always been accepted.

    As Gemmy mentioned in their intro, they are also working through some serious mental and emotional issues, and as they insist that their cross dressing and diaper/age regression tendencies are not sexual fetishes, I can only conclude that they are another part of this.

    I'd be more than happy to incorporate these things into our intimate relationship if that's what Gemmy wanted, but instead they just seem to want me to accept and support this as a "comfort" thing... I can't see how that's healthy.

    Any insight from others on here who may be better able to articulate what this is and why it should be supported and not treated as part of Gemmy's therapy would be much appreciated. Thanks!


    Quote Originally Posted by GemmysHubby View Post
    Hi dogboy,

    Just to clarify the situation, Gemmy isn't female. They aren't sure how they identify on the gender spectrum but we are a married gay couple.
    Last edited by Gemmy; 02-May-2015 at 04:55. Reason: Added Hubby's posts

  2. #2

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Gemmy View Post
    And that's where we can't see eye to eye. He can't see it as anything but sexual, and it isn't a sexual thing for me, I get no sexual gratification from the thought.
    You know, after this part I expected to read that this was a mostly negative interaction. But it sounds as if he's interested in learning, which is refreshing. One thing you might prepare him for is that we as a community represent a spectrum of interest in diapers and that for many of us (such as myself) diapers are a very sexual matter. I would let him know that we're really snowflakes and that other people's experiences with and manifestations of ABDL will sometimes be similar to your own and sometimes not. If you read some of my posts on ABDLism and take them to be representative of our community as a whole you'd readily conclude that we're all diaper fetishists, and perhaps not without reason.

  3. #3

    Default

    Hi all,

    So obviously I'm Gemmy's husband. We've been together for 8 years now, and have always been very open with each other about our thoughts, feelings, fantasies and kinks (or so I thought) and they have always been accepted.

    As Gemmy mentioned in their intro, they are also working through some serious mental and emotional issues, and as they insist that their cross dressing and diaper/age regression tendencies are not sexual fetishes, I can only conclude that they are another part of this.

    I'd be more than happy to incorporate these things into our intimate relationship if that's what Gemmy wanted, but instead they just seem to want me to accept and support this as a "comfort" thing... I can't see how that's healthy.

    Any insight from others on here who may be better able to articulate what this is and why it should be supported and not treated as part of Gemmy's therapy would be much appreciated. Thanks!

  4. #4

    Default

    Congrats. I've often wondered if liking diapers is more sexual for males than females? I know, I've just become a sexist, and for that, I apologize, though not enough to edit my original statement.....sigh. Anyway, AEsahaettr is absolutely correct, and yes, it's very sexual for me. Anyway, your husband has already figured this aspect out, and for that, I'm impressed.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    Congrats. I've often wondered if liking diapers is more sexual for males than females? I know, I've just become a sexist, and for that, I apologize, though not enough to edit my original statement.....sigh. Anyway, AEsahaettr is absolutely correct, and yes, it's very sexual for me. Anyway, your husband has already figured this aspect out, and for that, I'm impressed.
    Hi dogboy,

    Just to clarify the situation, Gemmy isn't female. They aren't sure how they identify on the gender spectrum but we are a married gay couple.

  6. #6

    Default

    Good for you. This is definitely something you need to open up to your spouse about. I can also understand the part about him being okay with it being a sexual kink. However, your post struck a chord because my wife reacted somewhat similar. She is okay with some kinky sex that includes diaper play and okay with my dependence on diapers due to my IC. She is not so smitten with me being an adult baby and in a mode where I am not at all interested in sex. I think from her standpoint she's probably thinking, what's the point? What are you getting out of it? It's seems much more odd to her because she has probably never regressed and doesn't see the value in it.

    So, what value is there in it for you? If you can get him to understand that then you're on the right track. He might not want to be around and participate, but as long as he understands why you do this and accepts it as valid (which he should, of course) then you can move forward.

  7. #7
    Gemmy

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Spaz View Post
    Good for you. This is definitely something you need to open up to your spouse about. I can also understand the part about him being okay with it being a sexual kink. However, your post struck a chord because my wife reacted somewhat similar. She is okay with some kinky sex that includes diaper play and okay with my dependence on diapers due to my IC. She is not so smitten with me being an adult baby and in a mode where I am not at all interested in sex. I think from her standpoint she's probably thinking, what's the point? What are you getting out of it? It's seems much more odd to her because she has probably never regressed and doesn't see the value in it.

    So, what value is there in it for you? If you can get him to understand that then you're on the right track. He might not want to be around and participate, but as long as he understands why you do this and accepts it as valid (which he should, of course) then you can move forward.
    I haven't regressed in a very long time. My intro post explains a little more, but basically, I pushed my feelings away back when I was younger than 10. I've just recently (within the last few days) re-found myself thanks to a dream that reminded me why I put those feelings away so many years ago. Also, because i'm just getting back into re-exploring this part of me, I have nothing available to me for regression.

    I don't need my hubby to participate necessarily, and if it makes him uncomfortable with it not being a sexual thing for me, then I'm not going to force him to do anything...

    The reason why I started this was really to ask for help. I know that for most people, as as witnessed in the more above posts, this is a sexual thing for many people. But for me, at least as far as I remember my feelings toward it before, and now, it's not a sexual thing for me. I just don't know how to explain it to my hubby that it's not a sexual thing, because of the way the matter is treated by the majority of participants.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by GemmysHubby View Post
    Hi dogboy,

    Just to clarify the situation, Gemmy isn't female. They aren't sure how they identify on the gender spectrum but we are a married gay couple.
    That's cool. Even though I'm married to my wife (female), I lived an exclusively gay lifestyle all four years of college. I still stay in touch with him and oddly enough, he's very close to my wife. A diverse life is what makes living worthwhile.

  9. #9

    Default

    Gemmy and GemmysHubby,
    Big kudos to both of you for being willing to put in the work and communication to figure out something like this! I just wanted to chime in with a bit of my viewpoint on this. Diapers have a small sexual component for me sometimes. But most of the time they are non-sexual and comforting. My interests in regressing to babyhood and wearing diapers go all the way back to my early childhood. For me personally they have served as a great coping mechanism that helps me relax and recover, and be ready to go out and deal with the adult world.

    If I ever get the chance to share this with an understanding partner, it would typically be non-sexual for me. However, I would very much consider it to be an intimate part of our relationship. If my partner were to get some sort of sexual/ kinky enjoyment out of playing a loving but dominant role during my regression, that would not bother me in the least. I probably wouldn't want to have sexy times while I was in a regressed state of mind, but I certainly wouldn't mind once I returned to my adult self. I wonder how Gemmy and GemmysHubby would feel about such an arrangement?

    On Another note, GemmysHubby told us that Gemmy is currently working on figuring out their gender identity. Through my life I have often been quite displeased by the fact that I have "male" parts. Wearing a big poofy diaper certainly does a lot to obscure the genitals of the wearer. This is something that I appreciate greatly at times. Best of luck as the two of you explore this aspect of your relationship.

    -Bean

  10. #10
    Gemmy

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by bean View Post
    If I ever get the chance to share this with an understanding partner, it would typically be non-sexual for me. However, I would very much consider it to be an intimate part of our relationship. If my partner were to get some sort of sexual/ kinky enjoyment out of playing a loving but dominant role during my regression, that would not bother me in the least. I probably wouldn't want to have sexy times while I was in a regressed state of mind, but I certainly wouldn't mind once I returned to my adult self. I wonder how Gemmy and GemmysHubby would feel about such an arrangement?
    Thank you for your kind words! communication has always been a big part of our relationship.

    One of the problems my hubby and I are having, since I'm on anti-depression medication is a lack of sexual drive at all. We have been having sex less than once a month. I know it's driving him mad, because he wants sex multiple times a day. And when it comes to diapering and regression, 1. I haven't regressed before, so I wouldn't know what to do to start, and 2. since it's non-sexual for me, I don't see how my hubby would get anything out of it... I don't know if I'm explaining myself properly or not...

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