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Thread: Moving Beyond

  1. #1

    Question Moving Beyond

    Has anyone ever felt like they've simply had their fill of this sort of thing?

    (There's a bit of relationship ranting in here; A lot of ranting in general. My apologies in advance, in case I fail to make any sense)

    I speak as someone who, for a long while, desired to find a happier place through the safety of certain "AB/DL" tedencies. I would would suppose the past 3-4 years or so. There were times in which I downplayed its importance (purge), and other times when I grossly overstated it ("Its been here for years!", "I need this!"), but since the beginning of this year, something deep within me has caused a newfound distaste for the subject. A disgust, almost. Let me explain.

    For me, this "interest" has always been about feeling like the world can't hurt you. For feeling that heartbreak doesn't exist, that childhood can last forever (in the off-times you choose to enjoy it). The feeling of adoration, of being far removed from the things that sought to hurt me. If all that makes sense. There's simply something comforting about running to a familiar place to hide, where you know that nothing can get you.

    There's nothing wrong with liking those happy things, but perhaps finding shelter in the past, in an object, or truly in other people (caretakers, relationships, close friends, parents, whatever your poison) inhibits one's ability to grow; and in not growing, the pressures I've attempted to avoid grow only stronger, knocking me down even harder when I'm finally forced to face them again. This has been my first year living on my own, and it's... opened my eyes to some things, especially since January, as I no longer have a roommate.

    I feel like the entire situation; Of being involved with the subject (anything pertaining to things that fall under the "AB/DL" umbrella), or being involved with other people who are, is dragging me further downward, when I need to be picking myself up. This year has been one of the most difficult years of my life. Since August of 2014, everything that could go wrong, has gone wrong. I lost my relationship, almost lost my mother, and I don't even want to talk about school; I'm still here, still going, and fine... but it's been so nightmarish that there have been times where I feel like I would have much rather been dead. Unexpected people have stepped forward to pick me back up in some capacity, and I feel like I won't be single for very much longer (the person in question truly surprising me, as I would've never imagined). She's aware of this secret of mine, but expressed confusion, and I think it was at that moment that I expressed some confusion of my own. Why am I doing this? Those positive, "safe" feelings that I once felt have all but faded now... It's like, I tried it, and kept trying it, but have now reached the point where I see no significant returns, no value, no point. And I'd much rather be strong, respected, and mature; and have someone who is the same, to be my equal. And I'm sick of dealing with little girls, which is an argument I couldn't make until I let go of these sorts of things. They're sweet people, but a happy relationship does not that scenario make; I've tried it many times now.

    All of that being said, though, I feel I should wrap this up with some good ol' tl;dr for the folks back home:

    Being "AB/DL" (if this is even the correct term) made me feel like I am running or hiding from my problems, as opposed to facing them head on; therefore, I found it to be unhealthy, even though I was rather infrequent in my involvement of it. Childhood was rough; I don't want to cry "poor me", but perhaps there may be things about myself that I don't know yet, or that I can't see... counseling may fix that. So, the reason I'm here right now is to discuss this feeling that I'm having at the moment; Maybe I haven't worded it right, I'm not sure. Please do feel free to correct me.

  2. #2


    It sounds to me like a purge cycle. There are 101 ways people will decide that ABDL isn't for them (either in the present or for the rest of their lives). I don't remember reading about anyone else that described it in the same way you did but I think it is just as valid.

    The bottom line is that I think you should do what you think is the best. If you feel that ABDL masks your adult problems, then by all means quit.

    For me, ABDL gives me a chance to calm down and relax before I assume my adult responsibilities again.

  3. #3


    I think a lot of us face these crossroads, and probably at a similar age. There's nothing wrong with needing to find a safe haven. Everyone has one, though they differ from person to person. For us on this site, it's typically being AB/DL. There's nothing wrong with that as long as one realizes that this is a construct of mind and imagination. But isn't that what other people do with hobbies, interests, and almost any kind of diversion?

    The key always in balance, that there is a time and place for all things. I escape some serious problems that I must deal with daily. Diapers and regression is one way. Reading and writing is another, and sometimes just playing a game is yet another way of taking my mind off the harsh realities of life. In addition, I still work a job at something I love, directing choirs, and playing piano and organ. I try to help others in need and also take care of myself by going for walks and riding my bike. This is the human condition, full of its successes and faults, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just who we are.

    Think about ways that will make you feel more fulfilled. What do you enjoy doing, and what must you do to survive, and to give something back. I think you'll make it.

  4. #4


    It hasn't been here all my life in the grand scheme of things; 3-4 years is a long time, but I've been alive for much longer than that. So, I suppose that's something worth mentioning.

    My thing is, I'm the type of guy who takes pride in being sharp, mature, respectable; a formal type of deal. Like a businessman would be, perhaps? It seems contradictory to me. Something that is very mature and proper by nature. One thing that's always been consistent is this the embarrassment that the subject brings; not just for fear of other people knowing; but of just being that way in general. I have indeed had the whole purge thing going on at points, but I've never reached the point of flat out getting nothing out of it, or resenting things. I've had moments where I've felt like there were logical reasons to stop doing these sorts of things (expense, "not normal", etc), but nothing like what I'm feeling now. It's like a lot of the excitement wore off, as well. I never advanced beyond the most basic things involved with it; to say that I'm an "AB" may actually be quite a stretch, most of my "regression" stuff is stuff I've always loved: Nintendo games from when I was a little kid, cartoons that I used to like, that sort of thing. But bottles and pacifiers never did anything for me, etcetc. I did try at least once, but the idea never really hit home. Its sort of like, I dipped my toes into certain parts, and enjoyed that. Other ideas simply didn't stick.

    On Dogboy's post: very insightful. I think my issue is, after having experienced it for myself and also having experienced others involved with it, my impressions walking away from it are that it isn't quite as innocuous as I once believed it to be in certain cases (though I'm sure that it can be, for others); It's kinda just another thing that people enjoy/use as a coping method in some cases. Due to some personal circumstances, I have a very negative impression of certain aspects (such as needing others to fill a role of some kind for someone else). I feel like I can like the lion's share of the stuff that I felt was "regressive" without being labeled AB/etc (like Nintendo 64 games, old cartoons, whathaveyou).

  5. #5


    I think you've hit upon an interesting presentation of the subject, Bluestars, and it bears thinking about.

    For me, I've always felt much the same as you. I wanted to be mature, intelligent, respected for my thoughts and ideas. I still do, as a matter of fact. I just also happen to really like wearing diapers (and diapers specifically, the other stuff could come or go for me). For a long time I did worry that there was a contradiction there. That somehow my friends would think less of me if they knew that I liked such childish things and so, at best, I thought I would need to practice in secret and construct the rest of my life with enough privacy to maintain that secret.

    Turns out, that hasn't really happened. I don't go around advertising that I'm ABDL or anything, but the few people that I have told about it haven't suddenly started talking to me differently or ceased to be interested in my thoughts and opinions on mature subjects. Nor do my opinions suddenly become less valid because I type some of them at my computer while wearing a diaper. That's not how logic and rhetoric work. For that matter, being mature and protecting someone has very little to do with what activities you conduct in your playtime. Playing a Nintendo game is no better or worse than curling up with a diaper and a children's book for leisure, while neither activity has any bearing on whether you can effectively work a job and provide for a family.

    I think you are right that ABDL can be an escape mechanism for people to avoid facing their problems. There are many of those in life. Off the top of my head, there's television, games, alcohol, drugs, socializing and going to parties, playing sports, exercising in general, and most hobbies in which you build or craft something. The challenge there isn't the ABDL, it's the avoiding problems. Spending so much time painting or out drinking that you can't get your work done or keep in touch with the people you care about is just as bad as retreating into ABDL (perhaps worse in the case of drinking due to addiction). The fundamental problem is not dealing with all the problems. Life is a balance. If you try to spend 100% of your time constantly challenging yourself and figuring out how to solve all your problems, you'll go insane. You'll also get less good at problem solving because willpower and focus are finite resources. It's important to have outlets for stress and ways to make yourself happy because they actually make you better at being a mature, responsible person. Now, if ABDL isn't something that interests you anymore, that's fine, there are plenty of things you can do. And if it interest you, but you don't feel that you can practice it in a healthy way, then you're making a good decision to avoid it. But if you're avoiding it simply because it doesn't comport with your idealized view of yourself even though there's a part of you that still really wants to do ABDL things, you may be setting yourself up for failures.


  6. #6


    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    I think you are right that ABDL can be an escape mechanism for people to avoid facing their problems.
    ArchieRoni has a good point. Certainly some people can go overboard with socializing, hobbies, TV, etc. to avoid everyday problems that should be dealt with. Most of us probably have a good (if not excellent) balance. We get our 'chores' done, we interact with family, friends and co-workers and then spend sometime relaxing with our hobbies.

    Remember though, that people do change their priorities. I used to like model trains (HO gauge) a lot as a youngster and I still do but when I was younger I had a train set and starter to build a very involved layout. Today, I haven't touched a model train in 20 years. Now I am more interested in working around the house and on the computer. Times change. You maybe reading too much into it - you are simply moving on with your life.

  7. #7


    Quote Originally Posted by Bluestars View Post
    There's simply something comforting about running to a familiar place to hide, where you know that nothing can get you. ...
    Those positive, "safe" feelings that I once felt have all but faded now... It's like, I tried it, and kept trying it, but have now reached the point where I see no significant returns, no value, no point.
    Everyone does things for their own reasons, and running and hiding is one course of action. It is something I have seen in both the ABDL world and in many others including substance abuse of various forms. Hiding is not an effective means of dealing with things as you can only hide for so long and the problem will always still be there when you finish hiding. Therefore if this is what you were achieving through ABDL I think moving on may be beneficial. This is furthered by your statement that you are no longer receiving gains. Doing something that doesn't work over and over again is nearly pointless.

    Don't be ashamed of where you have been, or where you are going. Instead embrace life! If the ABDL world helped you get their that is wonderful. Now let life continue to take you where you need to go. If one day you see a pack of diapers and feel the need, accept it. There is nothing wrong with the ABDL world. But if you never have the need or desire again then that is also fine.

    For me I have never felt it truly leave in my @30 years so far as an ABDL. I've had the guilt purge sessions before I understood the community, and can even remember when Psychiatrist preached how awful it was and tried to cure it. But the desire inside has never left, and modern Psychology has changed its view to its perfectly fine and healthy as long as it does not interfere with you being a responsible adult and contributing to society. But it is not a run and hide activity for me, it instead allows me to put things into perspective. I often think of the phrase "out of the mouth of babes" which expresses just how simple and insightful children can sometimes be. I have often been complimented for just how quickly I identify solutions to problems in life and at work. And how often those solutions are so utterly simple that its weird no one else could see them. I am able to recharge and see the world through simple eyes again when I partake of the ABDL world. Its not something I need all the time. There are times I only want to be an adult, no diapers, no kids things. But the "be little" desires always come back and I am fine with that. The only challenge I see is one day I will have to explain it to a significant other and I realize not everyone is able to fully accept it. But I will cross that bridge when I get there.

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