Here is part one:
I have a big problem with this.
And this makes me very sad and insecure. I can't live without God and without being little (even though I never had an abdl relationship and despite the fact that I had bdsm phase when was'n so good believer).
In November 2014 I found this site and was very happy. Here I found people that finally accepted me and understood me. Before (like for 4 years) I was in BDSM, and liked it but it was not enough for me. What I needed was love and deeper connection and even though I still like bondage sometimes, and also a Femdom (female discipline)...being a little, makes me really happy and this is what I want. So, I found this site and some nice friends here but then I struggled my religion phase: I needed to fell happy on my religious side of me as well, and I felt guilt accepting abdl (and bdsm from before). So I tried to delete this in my personality. I deleted account here and throw away almost everything: my clothes, my diapers, and all my internet activity was forbidden.
Sanch wrote here:
That was also my thinking, but after all that, I still was not happy, it was worse. My dreams, my wishes...all was repressed...and I wanted so badly someone to talk to. And nobody understood if I tried. And I prayed and asked God why I fell this and why is abdl wrong...and am I wrong?"My advice, in every case, would be to do what feels right for you. If you feel that being an ABDL violates and compromises your own Christian beliefs, explore that, and see if there's any truth behind it. And if there is, find the solution which best works for you. If you feel there's no conflict between your ABDL interests and your religious faith, then I can't see that there's any issue whatsoever."
There were some good things that happened, like I deleted all my porn collection and simplified my life at some level, but you can't run from yourself. And I tried to improve my relation with people around me, and that was good, but I needed something else...So after a lot of thinking, I decided to come back. I have lost some friends and my stuff is in garbage somewhere, but still I have me and my Teddy survived...
So what I want to say is...I don't know is this is ok (sometimes I feel OK with abdl, and sometimes there is this guilt). What I know is, that I can't live without my little side...and hope my future girlfriend will like me like this. Also, I am religious and go to church and try to be good believer (but I still fell like hypocritical at some point...). I know that Jesus and God said to love each other and to love God. But also there is this: Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. And this part with denying yourself makes me sad. I think I can't deny this abdl part of me, because it makes me better and happier person, and I can't be religious without abdl and happy at same time. So, I ask myself does my life has to be sad? Jesus was sad many times. Am I to selfish? Why don't I fell everyday happy with both? And now, I am afraid that maybe tomorrow I will have another regrets, and again throw away my things if I buy something. So I can't really do much, just wait to make final decision (free myself from dilemma and guilt) and ask for opinion. Also, I learned that abdl is in some way a fantasy and everyone here who finds a person who will accept this, must be ready for compromise our desires at some extent. Some of us will have to live without this or reduce this lifestyle due to other reasons. So what is your opinion? Are you also ready for compromises with your little side?
Forgot to say, I am Christian Catholic and member of Franciscan youth.