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Thread: Need advice on the next step in mixing ABDL and BSDM worlds.

  1. #1

    Default Need advice on the next step in mixing ABDL and BSDM worlds.

    Looking for advice from the community on moving from self little bondage to allowing someone else to be the daddy/mommy/master. I have spent years setting up controlled self bondage, and have a nice collection of bondage toys because of this. But no matter what I do I always have a way out at my own control. Iíd like to try actually letting go of this control and actually experiencing bondage where someone else is in control so I canít take off the diaper, or spit the pacifier out, etc . But I also realize that releasing control to someone else presents the possibility for trouble. How does one go about moving into this world and doing so in a safe manner?

  2. #2


    This guide to BDSM safety has good advice. It is on a site for gay and bi men, but the advice applies to straight and lesbian BDSM practitioners too.

    Some points I would emphasize and some things I'd add:

    1. Always meet for the first time in a public place, like a coffee shop. (This goes for vanilla dating too, of course.)
    2. Talk about your interests, limits, and expectations before you begin playing. This negotiation process can be fun itself, and it is important to having a good scene.
    3. Don't allow yourself to be pressured to do things you don't want to do. Good dominants leave a new sub wanting to do more.
    4. Be frank about your lack of experience with BDSM.
    5. If something about someone feels off, trust your gut and do not proceed.
    6. Establish a safe word before you play.
    7. You might consider leaving out bondage the first time you play, in favor of other activities that make you less physically vulnerable (e.g. ABDL without bondage, spanking).
    8. I think it is somewhat safer to have a first bondage scene in the dominant's home, rather than the sub's home or (ick) a hotel room. This way the dom cannot simply abandon the sub and not come back.
    9. If you live in an area that has BDSM organizations, go to their meetings, especially education events. Community and reputation in the community are two important ways that BDSM practitioners protect themselves against creepers.
    10. The safest way to play, if you are comfortable having witnesses, is at a play party run by a BDSM organization with a good reputation or by individuals you know and trust. With a "dungeon monitor" present, there's a limit to how badly things can go wrong. Also, you may meet people you like!

    Be careful with self-bondage. Some forms of self bondage are one ever seriously hurt themselves by wearing locking plastic pants! But forms of self bondage that restrict locomotion are risky...some of them very risky. Enthusiasts tend to overestimate the effectiveness of their fail-safe mechanisms. Choosing to do restrictive self-bondage alone in the belief that it's safer than playing with a partner would be a serious miscalculation. The risks of playing alone are far higher.

    Finally, I'd recommend finding a good book on BDSM safety, like Jay Wiseman's SM 101.

  3. #3


    Thank you for such a detailed on point response and for the link to a clean text piece of information on the subject.

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