I've been with my boyfriend for almost four years, and things have taken a turn for the worse.
I'm aware that my boyfriend is addicted to porn. Most men watch porn anyway, so that part of it isn't that big of a deal. I'm used to it. What concerns me is the fact he feels he has to download it while at work (he works as a computer lab manager in an elementary school). Honestly, I felt like this was taking things a step too far, and when I confronted him about it, he denied ever downloading at work. He also blamed me for looking on his laptop that he takes to his work, saying that if I had never looked, I would have never been upset. That its not a big deal.
I let it go. Foolishly, I admit, but I let it go, because I didn't want to argue anymore, and I didn't want to lose him. He said if I ever looked again he would leave me, etc.
Well...I looked again, because things well, seemed off. Let me be clear, we hardly have sex. If we do its in the same position he likes, and it only happens after I beg and plead. And we never have sex more than once a week. Sometimes its hard to even get him to have sex with me once a week. Currently its been two weeks now, going on three. I feel that if he has enough to sneak around, watching porn, and hiding away in the bathroom masturbating, then he has enough sexual drive to have sex with me. I've asked him if I am doing something wrong, or if he finds me somehow unattractive, but he says that I don't do anything wrong, he finds me attractive, etc. So I don't understand the problem.
Back to my point, on his computer, amongst the photoshopped celebs was a photoshopped photo of a coworker than had been turned into porn. I was devastated and heartbroken. I understand that if I had never looked it wouldn't have been a problem, but I was worried. Now, even though he deleted the photo, I seem to worry more and more.
I know that photoshopping a coworker like this is not normal, but I don't know how to bring it up to him. I don't know how to express my hurt and anger to him. I know in the end he'll just put the blame on me for looking, and change he password on his laptop. Then I would worry more, because I would have no idea what he was doing. Not that its any of my business, but he keep putting thoughts into my head that shove me to investigate.
I am not really sure what to do about seeing those photos of his coworker. I am sure she doesn't know. She has a husband and children of her own. I just wish I knew how to address the problem. I keep having nightmares about it, and nothing good has come from this. I am aware that I brought this on myself by looking, but that still doesn't justify what he's done. And that is something that I cannot find it in my heart to forgive. I just wish I knew the best course of action.