I'm not what I'd consider to be a method actor, but when I'm in a play, I try to research as much as I can about my character. Recently, I was in a play portraying a husband and father who'd lost his child. Pretty heavy material. Living with my aunt while I finish school, I don't wear very often, and certainly not in front of her. I love her and she's doing me a big favor, but she's also quite nosy and known in our family as a huge gossip; couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it. But, I digress.
Getting into rehearsals, it just felt weird trying to wear a diaper, so I abstained while in the show. That hasn't always happened. I've been in shows before where my diaper activities didn't affect my process, but this was different. I have to point out that even on the occasions that I wear in public, I've never worn at rehearsals and certainly not at performances. Regardless of the character, it just never felt right. Not to mention, changing into costume and people seeing my diaper. Just not something I'm comfortable with. Anyways, the run went great; some of the best and most meaningful performances of my life. Had parents coming up to us, the cast and director, who'd lost children and told us how much our performances honored their kids' memories, as well as portrayed the honesty of what grieving parents go through.
After the play was over, I still didn't wear for a few weeks. Once I did, and went through my stash, I figured I was done with diapers. This was finally it. How many times has any AB or DL had that thought, right? I'd also been in therapy for my anxiety, due to childhood trauma, but I never discussed my DL side with my therapist. Not sure how she'd take it, but I figured it was irrelevant to my recovery. So, after a few weeks, and I found myself wanting to go buy diapers. There wasn't much of an urge or temptation. It just felt like I needed to have some in the house.
Being in my mid-thirties and a college senior is at times awkward. I'm in a few student organizations, where I'm even older than the grad students. Needless to say, trying to date has gone nowhere. So, I'm finally trying one of the more well known dating sites. I'm an atheist living in Texas, for at least one more year. And, I'm a DL. This hasn't been easy. I haven't been in a relationship, not kidding, in 20 years. A few dates here and there, but no girlfriend. It's hard enough trying to find someone whom I like and relates to being an agnostic or atheist, or at least skeptical of religion. How to find someone who will understand that diapers, however often and under what circumstances I choose to wear, are a part of who I am feels like it will be difficult, especially in the environment I live in. There are open-minded women everywhere. It just feels like there aren't as many here in Texas as there are back in Southern California, where I used to live and plan on heading back to after graduation.
I have accepted being a DL is a part of who I am, but I wonder if I will ever live without diapers. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I just sometimes feel like I'd want to move on, so to speak, but then those feelings come back. Part of it is a sexual fetish, but sometimes I just want to wear one. I've loved the feeling of the diaper against my skin, and the plastic backing, ever since childhood. Like I say, I guess it's just a part of who I am. Hope this wasn't too long-winded, you guys. I tend to ramble with the written word. Thanks for reading.