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Thread: Ending relationships

  1. #1

    Default Ending relationships

    My boyfriend of almost 3 years recently broke up with me. Needless to say Im in a lot of pain. I have thought about suicide but no Im not going to do it I could never do that. As the saying goes suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. So no you dont have to say anything about that. I just said that to give you an idea of the pain Im in. What Im looking for is advice on how to move on. So anyone who was in a long term relationship please give me some advice. And you can leave out all the old one liners like there are plenty of fish in the sea and the like.

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by Thegreenone View Post
    My boyfriend of almost 3 years recently broke up with me. Needless to say Im in a lot of pain. I have thought about suicide but no Im not going to do it I could never do that. As the saying goes suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. So no you dont have to say anything about that. I just said that to give you an idea of the pain Im in. What Im looking for is advice on how to move on. So anyone who was in a long term relationship please give me some advice. And you can leave out all the old one liners like there are plenty of fish in the sea and the like.
    Okay. Well, unfortunately, I have yet to even be IN a long-term relationship. It is good you did NOT choose suicide. That was a very mature, and smart decision. Well done, give yourself a pat on the back. (Not literally)

    Anyways, I think, unfortunately, as I have seen with my brothers when they get sucked out of a relationship, it will take time. At first, you will try and get him back, and there's a chance he may want to come back to you. Now, there isn't much of one if there was something like a fight, or something similar, but you really never know. After almost 6 months of being apart, my brother got back together with his old girlfriend. Now, they're great.

    What I'm trying to get at is, I would hope and pray for the best. Now, there is a chance that he will come back to you. And if so, fabulous! But, if it doesn't happen, (which is what probably will happen) then, unfortunately, you have to move on. Don't mope around wondering what it could have been. Think ahead to the future; think about what it could BE! And yes, I would think about someone else. Maybe, he just wasn't the right one for you? As I always say, "You never know until you try."
    Last edited by TheFoxxehAssassin; 06-Feb-2009 at 06:43. Reason: Added quote

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Thegreenone View Post
    My boyfriend of almost 3 years recently broke up with me. Needless to say Im in a lot of pain. I have thought about suicide but no Im not going to do it I could never do that. As the saying goes suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. So no you dont have to say anything about that. I just said that to give you an idea of the pain Im in. What Im looking for is advice on how to move on. So anyone who was in a long term relationship please give me some advice. And you can leave out all the old one liners like there are plenty of fish in the sea and the like.
    Best advice? Move on. You're heading down the right path as now you'd like to know how to move on.

    This is much more difficult.

    The antecedents of the breakup will be the most telling, but let me back up a bit: without more detail, this is pretty generic.

    Here is a short run-down of where to go next:
    • Work on YOURSELF first.
    • Don't look for a new relationship; cultivate existing friendships and leave it at that.
    • If you've been "meaning to" do things (school, move, etc.) then DO THEM NOW.
    • Look at the cause of the breakdown in the relationship and honestly ask yourself if there's anything you could have done to steer it in a different direction.
    • Start (or continue) doing good things for yourself; exercise, get some sleep, plenty of fluids... These things make a world of difference and will have you feeling reasonably normal in short order.


    Like I've said, though, this is a pretty generic list without more information. HOWEVER, the first point is the most important: you should use this time immediately following the breakup to gain perspective, improve yourself, and do things for yourself ... and then, later on, you can go back and start to examine what went wrong, why, and the outcome.

    In short: work now, reflect soon, think later.

    At 19, you are still quite young and will have tons more fish in the sea umm .... people to date, be disappointed in, and finally pleased with.


    More
    I've just looked at your blog. There are a few factors going on here that will make things bad:
    • It was a long-distance relationship. These things don't tend to do well because intimacy requires a degree of personal space and shared activities, space, time, etc.
    • Your job blows.
    • Your home life is difficult.

    You now have three life domains in chaos. This is bad.

    What to do?

    I'd still advise my original list, above, only with much more urgency. Specifically, you must get yourself in training or otherwise give yourself some other means of getting out of a job as "dishwasher." I've been there, it blew, I escaped. On the list immediately above, you can control two out of the three items. Your home life (by which I mean your grandpa), unfortunately, is beyond your control. Definitely do a structured activity that you can build upon: wood shop, adult education, a community college course, something that you can do once or twice a week and just focus on that when you're there. Outside of this, you can work on (as above) cultivating and improving your existing friendships and social support network.

    After reading through your blog I have a sharpened sense of urgency, so I must put this in: While you're doing these helpful things and engaging in these behaviors, if it is at all possible, get in to speak with a counselor. Seriously. Just someone to use as a sounding board who doesn't have a personal investment in you. Bounce these things off him/her and see if it sounds like a good path to take. As you head down the path, keep yourself accountable and tell him/her how you are proceeding. I suggest counseling because out of 5 major life domains, 3 are going sideways for you right now.

    Let me know how it goes.
    Last edited by h3g3l; 06-Feb-2009 at 08:34.

  4. #4

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    I agree with h3g3l.
    For right now move on and do positive things with yourself. At times like this, it's good to keep yourself busy and enjoy the company of friends as much as you can. I know it may be tempting to mope by yourself but if you push yourself and do things, you will be a much happier person for it. Also, talk about it with your friends.
    I also agree that later on down the road is the good time to really evaluate the situation. See where things went wrong and grow from it. These types of experiences can make you a stronger person later on down the road. At least that is how I see things in my own life.

    Best of luck to you!

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