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Thread: Finding a first gay relationship.

  1. #1

    Default Finding a first gay relationship.


    As the title suggests this is a quick question to any gay folks about how to go around and look for that first boyfriend.

    Now, this may seem strange but I am completely at a loss on how to get out there and find myself a man. Any tips/suggestions?

    (Please be better than suggesting Grindr )

  2. #2


    I know this will sound trite, but I think you need to go way gay guys hang out. For me it was easy because I attended a music conservatory. I think half the guys were gay. There are gay bars and some have younger customers. Colleges and universities have gay clubs or organizations. Short of that, you need to fine tune your gaydar.

  3. #3


    I think this is sort of dependent on whether you're out of the closet or not. I asked a similar question quite a few months ago, but I'm not out of the closet yet, so the answers I received were pertinent to that.

    If you are out of the closet, then I suppose the first question is, how does anyone find a significant other? Just because somebody's gay doesn't mean they're going to be attracted to you or automatically go out with you. Just like how just because somebody's not in a gay area it doesn't mean they're not gay. The best thing to do is just try to start conversations with as many people as you can and see if there's a sort of connection between the two of you. Small talk goes a long way if it's done correctly. All you have to do is be legitimately interested in the person and the conversation should take off as long as the other person isn't super introverted and uncomfortable with small talk.

    Plenty of people can see through small talk when it's only there for the purpose of flirting. So the best thing to do is, as I said, actually be interested in the person and the conversation. Starting off with "Oh my gosh you look absolutely gorgeous!" is sort of off-putting because it doesn't leave a window open for a response that will carry on the conversation. You could say "Hey those are some pretty cool shoes. Where'd you find them at?" and when they answer, talk about the place they got them from. Have you been before? If not, have you heard of it? Are you really into those particular type of shoes or do you like other ones? Keeping the conversation going is the best way to gauge someone's interest (assuming you aren't interrupting them) because they will try to continue the conversation if they feel the connection as well. If they are constantly trying to end the conversation though by turning away from you or giving short to the point answers, etc. then you should probably squash it after 2-3 tries depending on the feeling you get.

    Small talk is a lot of trial and error but it's one of the best way to open up the avenues for other communication. Why is this important for finding someone to go out with? Well, how the heck else are you going to find out if they're gay? Or, God forbid, find out if you have some stuff in common! Worst case scenario, they're not gay and you still got to have a nice chat with someone. You may even become friends. Maybe he has gay friends, or relatives that he could hook you up with. Maybe he knows a guy who knows a girl who knows a guy, etc. etc. Best case scenario, you find someone who's not only gay, but that you can connect with on little conversations. That's going to make the first date way more comfortable than trying to feel everything out from a blind hook-up or something like that.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Now if you aren't out of the closet and you're trying to keep it on the down-low, then you've got to take Dogboy's advice and go where they go. Try going somewhere that's a city or two over and just take a shot going to a gay bar, or a really big gay pride festival. Chances are you're all in that spot for the same reason, so then it comes down to just making small talk, like I said in my other post. Good luck!

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