Should I Tell Her?

Okay, I know threads like this are incredibly common around here, but bear with me. Recently, I've been thinking about telling my girlfriend about my AB/DL side. I really hate the feeling of having such a big thing behind my back whilst having a relationship when she's been totally honest and open about pretty much everything about herself. I've been dating her for a couple months now and she's the first girlfriend I've ever had before, which is why keeping this a secret from her is kinda stressing me out a bit. I get the feeling that she wouldn't mind it at all, but still, there's the chance that things might go South if I do tell her. Another huge factor with me wanting to tell her, is that we've been thinking about getting an apartment together come next schoolyear after summer. And how in the heck would I be able to hide all of my diapers, bottle, and my pacis when I share an apartment with her? I feel like it would be a huge relief off my back not having to walk on eggshells around her because of this for another few years. I dunno, I wanna say that she'd be okay with it, but at the same time I'm very unsure as well.
Do you guys have any thoughts/advice on the matter?

If she loves you she will accept you even for the parts she doesn't understand just explain slowly why you like it and let her know it doesn't change who you've been around her tell her your still you and your opening up about it because you really like her and hopes she will give you a chance.

Just be completely honest with her when you do tell her. Don't get your hopes to high. That's one thing I did. It might take her some time to wrap her head around everything. It might seem like the world is ending when you tell her but it will all be ok. Patience is the key in my opinion.

Better to tell her now before either of you become too emotionally invested. If it's a dealbreaker for her now, she won't change with time and the breakup will be more painful. If she is neutral or open to exploring it with you, then it will bring you closer.

Whatever you do, don't tell her like it's some horrible secret, like you have diaper cancer or something terrible. Just be up front and say, this is something in enjoy from to time to time and it's very fun/relaxing/hot for me, or whatever the case may be.

You've got to come out to her for several reasons. First, because she's been honest with you. Second, because relationships are two-way streets and you have needs too. There are some other points too, but I'm going to stop with this one: if you are seeking a committed relationship with your girlfriend, one that might lead to marriage, it's only going to get harder to express this the more invested you get.

Be honest and be brave...chicks dig that

Be honest with her and lay it on her gentle. If she loves you I'm sure she'll understand or accept.. if it doesn't work out in the end, she just wasn't the right one for you.

I do not have any experience with telling any girlfriend about that. However, I do have experience with the hiding and what I can tell is that at the end it did not work for me. I know it is very difficult to talk, but if you trust her, it is the best idea. You do not want to hide this for 20 years as I did. I never had the guts to talk with my wife and it is too late now since we separated a year ago. May be if I talked with her at the right moment things will be different because she would be able to understand better who I am.

You are at the point when you need to tell her. Express in the best way possible that this is a part of who you are, but certainly not the whole part. Telling her now will lay all the cards on the table and spare any surprises later on.

You are probably afraid of rejection and will want to minimize it to some degree. Don't. I tried that with my wife and later she felt that I had lied about how much it meant to me. I certainly wouldn't over-express it either. Just be honest with her and don't ask for anything but understanding.

My opinion is, she should be told before any major commitments are made. To me, that means when exclusive dating begins, but that is probably too soon in most opinions. I think that an AB should be totally open about it though before A: Moving in together , and B: Marriage. Those are both commitments that are not easy to back out of after you have made them, and it is irresponsible not to be truthful and let your partner understand what makes you you.

So for your situation. I'd say that it has probably been long enough that she has gotten a good idea of your adult self, maybe now is just as good a time as any to tell he about your Baby self. I would certainly tell her before she starts making any actual plans for moving in together though. She could get in a situation where people start expecting her to move out because she is expecting to move out, and then if she cancels, it might mess up everything. She also is going to be a little better off with a bit of time to decide what she thinks of it, rather than, for instance, having a week to choose if she wants to move in with you and your Adult Baby self, or cancel all together.

The main thing is too, being honest with a partner is what they deserve. Trying to hide a part of yourself just means that your partner doesn't actually know you, and I don't think that is healthy in a relationship. It also means that you don't respect them, by pretending they are too dumb to question if something is amiss (That is my opinion anyway).

Telling her might risk your relationship, but if it was to break it down, at least you know if she was really compatible for the true you, and not the self that you made up for public viewing. On the other hand, if she accepts it on any level, then I can only imagine that having somebody to be supportive of your little side, or at least allowing it, would support a healthy relationship where they understand your needs, and let you take care of them. Sounds better to me.

Sure, if you feel you must share this with her at this point of your relationship, then go for it. However, keep in mind the fact that once you've revealed this to her there is no undoing it. Of course I agree with all the wonderful advice already given, but think carefully, you have only been with this person a few months. If you feel she's ready to cope with this then have the chat, but as others have said, expect nothing but gradual understanding. This is not something that is easy for most people to grasp. Good luck with how ever you go.

I would wait at least a little while longer. You're still in the infancy of your relationship. When it comes time to move in then you either tell her or (tough love advice) - throw it all out and don't look back.

Decent advice so far. Just wanted to reference the good article we had on the subject: https://www.adisc.org/forum/showthread.php/83378-To-Tell-or-Not and to suggest that when or if you do get around to telling, don't do it like you're telling her you have a disease. It's strange and she may accept it or not but it doesn't make her a saint if she gets it or evil if she doesn't. This is something she would get to share with you that's important. If it's not for her, best to know sooner than later that she's not the one for you and vice versa.

Thanks for all the wonderful advice so far everyone! I think I might wait just another couple of months, probably until the end of the school year in May, that way she can hopefully come to understand it. She's definitely going to move out of her current apartment over summer vacation because her roommates are some of the worst people I've ever met and they've caused her so much grief ever since school even started. I'll still have to talk with my parents about moving in with her, they're a little skeptical about a guy rooming with a girl, even though I sure as hell wouldn't try anything on her. But I'll take everything you guys have said into consideration for when I do eventually tell her!

You can also begin to reveal small aspects of this rather than hitting her all at once. There's the element of liking toys, feeling younger than your biological age, etc. You just have to be sure you don't come off as a pedophile, obviously. Usually I've suggested that one might leave a back door when you first start, either a way out or a way to diminish your involvement. But the reality is that if you want to wear while with her, and if you move in, that would be the case, you do have to be truthful.

I eventually had to do this when my wife discovered my online order, and it worked out very well. Some people do well and some don't. Only you know your girlfriend, but from what you've said, it sounds like she has an accepting personality.

dogboy said:

You can also begin to reveal small aspects of this rather than hitting her all at once. There's the element of liking toys, feeling younger than your biological age, etc. You just have to be sure you don't come off as a pedophile, obviously. Usually I've suggested that one might leave a back door when you first start, either a way out or a way to diminish your involvement. But the reality is that if you want to wear while with her, and if you move in, that would be the case, you do have to be truthful.

I eventually had to do this when my wife discovered my online order, and it worked out very well. Some people do well and some don't. Only you know your girlfriend, but from what you've said, it sounds like she has an accepting personality.

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How would you suggest that I go about revealing small aspects at a time? Cause that does sound like a better way to do things rather than dumping everything out onto her at once. Either way it'll take a lot of explaining/talking.

You can ease into it by making little comments about news you saw and get her impression. The show us your Depends commercial comes to mind. try to read her response. You can ramp it up with occasional comments diaper comments. Like when you've gone too long for a potty break. A comment like " geeze this would be a good time to be wearing Pampers. I know an individual that makes comments like that all the time. My radar is definitely tracking him. I told my wife about it and she sees it too. Try to get her impression of it. She'll no doubt give you an earful if it isn't her cup of tea. You can try a discussion of one of the talk shows about ABs. The documentary about baby Stanley and the disability battle he ended up in would be a good one. There's the AB facet and the current news angle to ease out of the topic if she isn't receptive.

My two cents.... She needs to know. The sooner the better. If she's the one, she'll understand. I told my wife before we married. I loved her deeply yet I was prepared to walk away if it didn't go well. It was the hardest thing I ever did. I felt to pieces telling her tears and all. As it turned out, she was very accepting. That being said, life has still been tough on account of my AB interests. It's hard to suppress the AB thing and it's VERY easy to allow it to take over. Make sure she ALWAYS comes first. My wife thought she could change me and it caused a lot of hard feelings when she couldn't. Make sure she understands that it has nothing to do with shortcomings on her part. And make sure she ALWAYS comes first *yeah, I'm saying it again.

I'm in my 60's now and it seems that ladies generally fall into two categories concerning AB's. One is the loving caring kind that accepts their mans shortcomings. The other is the kind that sees her man as the hairy macho tough guy with no soft side. He's a brick wall that is all tough and no softness. He can push her around a little and she thinks that's is how a REAL man behaves. If that's how she is, don't walk away, RUN!

For most AB's the desires were forged in our infancy. It's a fundamental part of our personality and not negotiable. To try to deny it will only cause you both great pain. It would be far better for both of you to part ways if she isn't accepting. If she has difficulty accepting your AB side now, a relationship will never last. My two cents after 40 plus years of dealing with the whole thing. Everyone is different though so you have to see you way thru with what is right for you two.....ugh!

zipperless said:

I would wait at least a little while longer. You're still in the infancy of your relationship. When it comes time to move in then you either tell her or (tough love advice) - throw it all out and don't look back.

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The problem with this is, by the time you're ready to move in with each other, there's already a lot of emotional investment. You can't get to the point of signing papers and then be like, wow, this closet would be great for my diaper stash. That's a lousy thing to do to someone you love enough to commit to.

Also, why get to that point in a relationship while hiding something that, for many of us, is a significant part of who we are?

You should never have to choose between loving yourself and loving another. If you can't do the former, the latter won't be any easier, and think of your partner. If you don't tell them once it starts turning serious, you're doing more than just hiding from a potential bad reaction, you're preventing them from getting to know and love a side of you that is really loving and very vulnerable.

As far as dropping hints, no. That never works.

Spacey has a great write-up on telling your partner and it's on his FetLife profile if you want to read the whole thing. If you don't have FetLife, I will paraphrase and condense a few of his points here:

Do your homework, be able to explain what ABDL/ageplay is as clearly as possible and point them to where they can l;earn more on their own. Speak from a position of sharing something deep and personal to you, and not as if you had some terrible dark secret. Do it in a place that is comfortable for the both of you. And let them know that it's OK if they don't share the interest. They're more likely to be accepting if they don't feel pressured to participate. Lastly, be prepared for the worst. The sooner in your developing relationship you tell your partner, the less "the worst" will hurt.

MattiKins said:

The problem with this is, by the time you're ready to move in with each other, there's already a lot of emotional investment. You can't get to the point of signing papers and then be like, wow, this closet would be great for my diaper stash. That's a lousy thing to do to someone you love enough to commit to.

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I second this.

MattiKins said:

The problem with this is, by the time you're ready to move in with each other, there's already a lot of emotional investment. You can't get to the point of signing papers and then be like, wow, this closet would be great for my diaper stash. That's a lousy thing to do to someone you love enough to commit to.

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My thoughts exactly. I want to give her time to sink in before we actually decide to move in together. I'll wait until the end of the semester in May, that way we have until August to deliberate on the subject and make a good decision. I'd rather not only give her a couple weeks time to think about it, but I also don't think I'm quite ready to come out just yet.

Funny you should mention spacey, cause somebody on FurAffinity actually linked me to one of spacey's podcasts on coming out and it's been a great 2ish hours so far. Lots of great advice! ^^

BlackWing said:

My thoughts exactly. I want to give her time to sink in before we actually decide to move in together. I'll wait until the end of the semester in May, that way we have until August to deliberate on the subject and make a good decision. I'd rather not only give her a couple weeks time to think about it, but I also don't think I'm quite ready to come out just yet.

Funny you should mention spacey, cause somebody on FurAffinity actually linked me to one of spacey's podcasts on coming out and it's been a great 2ish hours so far. Lots of great advice! ^^

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Yeah, he's got a great head for this sort of thing. The Big Little Podcast has been a great, positive influence in my life over the last year or so since I started listening.