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Thread: Should I Tell Her?

  1. #1

    Default Should I Tell Her?

    Okay, I know threads like this are incredibly common around here, but bear with me. Recently, I've been thinking about telling my girlfriend about my AB/DL side. I really hate the feeling of having such a big thing behind my back whilst having a relationship when she's been totally honest and open about pretty much everything about herself. I've been dating her for a couple months now and she's the first girlfriend I've ever had before, which is why keeping this a secret from her is kinda stressing me out a bit. I get the feeling that she wouldn't mind it at all, but still, there's the chance that things might go South if I do tell her. Another huge factor with me wanting to tell her, is that we've been thinking about getting an apartment together come next schoolyear after summer. And how in the heck would I be able to hide all of my diapers, bottle, and my pacis when I share an apartment with her? I feel like it would be a huge relief off my back not having to walk on eggshells around her because of this for another few years. I dunno, I wanna say that she'd be okay with it, but at the same time I'm very unsure as well.
    Do you guys have any thoughts/advice on the matter?

  2. #2


    If she loves you she will accept you even for the parts she doesn't understand just explain slowly why you like it and let her know it doesn't change who you've been around her tell her your still you and your opening up about it because you really like her and hopes she will give you a chance.

  3. #3


    Just be completely honest with her when you do tell her. Don't get your hopes to high. That's one thing I did. It might take her some time to wrap her head around everything. It might seem like the world is ending when you tell her but it will all be ok. Patience is the key in my opinion.

  4. #4


    Better to tell her now before either of you become too emotionally invested. If it's a dealbreaker for her now, she won't change with time and the breakup will be more painful. If she is neutral or open to exploring it with you, then it will bring you closer.

    Whatever you do, don't tell her like it's some horrible secret, like you have diaper cancer or something terrible. Just be up front and say, this is something in enjoy from to time to time and it's very fun/relaxing/hot for me, or whatever the case may be.

  5. #5


    You've got to come out to her for several reasons. First, because she's been honest with you. Second, because relationships are two-way streets and you have needs too. There are some other points too, but I'm going to stop with this one: if you are seeking a committed relationship with your girlfriend, one that might lead to marriage, it's only going to get harder to express this the more invested you get.

    Be honest and be brave...chicks dig that

  6. #6


    Be honest with her and lay it on her gentle. If she loves you I'm sure she'll understand or accept.. if it doesn't work out in the end, she just wasn't the right one for you.

  7. #7


    I do not have any experience with telling any girlfriend about that. However, I do have experience with the hiding and what I can tell is that at the end it did not work for me. I know it is very difficult to talk, but if you trust her, it is the best idea. You do not want to hide this for 20 years as I did. I never had the guts to talk with my wife and it is too late now since we separated a year ago. May be if I talked with her at the right moment things will be different because she would be able to understand better who I am.

  8. #8


    You are at the point when you need to tell her. Express in the best way possible that this is a part of who you are, but certainly not the whole part. Telling her now will lay all the cards on the table and spare any surprises later on.

    You are probably afraid of rejection and will want to minimize it to some degree. Don't. I tried that with my wife and later she felt that I had lied about how much it meant to me. I certainly wouldn't over-express it either. Just be honest with her and don't ask for anything but understanding.

  9. #9


    My opinion is, she should be told before any major commitments are made. To me, that means when exclusive dating begins, but that is probably too soon in most opinions. I think that an AB should be totally open about it though before A: Moving in together , and B: Marriage. Those are both commitments that are not easy to back out of after you have made them, and it is irresponsible not to be truthful and let your partner understand what makes you you.

    So for your situation. I'd say that it has probably been long enough that she has gotten a good idea of your adult self, maybe now is just as good a time as any to tell he about your Baby self. I would certainly tell her before she starts making any actual plans for moving in together though. She could get in a situation where people start expecting her to move out because she is expecting to move out, and then if she cancels, it might mess up everything. She also is going to be a little better off with a bit of time to decide what she thinks of it, rather than, for instance, having a week to choose if she wants to move in with you and your Adult Baby self, or cancel all together.

    The main thing is too, being honest with a partner is what they deserve. Trying to hide a part of yourself just means that your partner doesn't actually know you, and I don't think that is healthy in a relationship. It also means that you don't respect them, by pretending they are too dumb to question if something is amiss (That is my opinion anyway).

    Telling her might risk your relationship, but if it was to break it down, at least you know if she was really compatible for the true you, and not the self that you made up for public viewing. On the other hand, if she accepts it on any level, then I can only imagine that having somebody to be supportive of your little side, or at least allowing it, would support a healthy relationship where they understand your needs, and let you take care of them. Sounds better to me.

  10. #10


    Sure, if you feel you must share this with her at this point of your relationship, then go for it. However, keep in mind the fact that once you've revealed this to her there is no undoing it. Of course I agree with all the wonderful advice already given, but think carefully, you have only been with this person a few months. If you feel she's ready to cope with this then have the chat, but as others have said, expect nothing but gradual understanding. This is not something that is easy for most people to grasp. Good luck with how ever you go.

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