Where to go from here

So I told my girlfriend that I have a diaper fetish last December. She was shocked at first but loves me for me. She said I can wear 3 times a year. She doesn't want me to wet them or wear them to bed. I am very happy that she is accepting. I just hope she lets me wear more often in the future. I don't want to be selfish. I want to take it slow. So I wore around her for the first time in December. I had boxers and pants over the diaper. We just spent the night cuddling. It was so relaxing and I didn't want it to end. I have always had adult baby curiosities. So she asked me a couple weeks ago why I haven't wanted to wear since then. I said that's all I have been thinking about since. She sensed I wanted more with it. I told her I did and I wanted to be taken care of. She asked me what that would be. I have a hard time talking to her about it. She is the first person I have ever told. I'm trying my best to overcome my fear of actually talking about it. I am trying to think about the best way to tell her and I don't want to ask too much.

So here is what I want to try:
Holding me
Sucking on a pacifier
Having a stuffed animal
Wetting
Diaper Changes
Wearing nothing over the diaper
Sexual acts

What is the advice you have for me? Or have any of you had similar experiences. Thank you very much for your time.

Congratulations on telling your GF and having her accept this part of you.

I think your list is very good (although, personally, I would leave out the Sexual acts at this point in time).

As to how to tell her? How about writing a note to her and then having her read it to herself? This way you can take a little time to gather your thoughts.

Anyway - good luck.

Thank you so much for the reply! I was thinking the same thing about leaving that out! I have written some notes but ahredded them. I will work on writing a new one in the next few days.

Ohh yeah, the note idea of Denise's is really good. Write out your thoughts. Take time to write it all out. Don't rush. Take a few days if needed. Re-read it to make sure you haven't made any grammatical mistakes or typos that'd make important things hard to understand.

Be sure to include not only the things you're hoping to do, but maybe a check box by a list of things. That way she can read the note in private. Then Mark the things she's willing to do.

Maybe include an explanation about the whole AB/DL stuff. Let her know that there's a bunch of us. How wonderful we think she is for being cool with all of this. Explain your feelings on why you'd want her to share in this experience with you.

Communication will be key. Even after the note, she'll probably have concerns about what exactly she's supposed to do during the various activities. You're idea of holding you, could be different than hers.

I'm unclear, has she shifted from her position that you get to wear three times per year? From where I sit, and I say this with sympathy to her in what is a new and unusual thing, that isn't exactly acceptance, it's barely tolerance. The rest of your post is more encouraging and I think keeping lines of communication open with this would be helpful for you both. If she is going to try to be really accepting, she'll have to try to understand what this really means to you. You will need to be forthcoming about your desires and how you would like her involved, with the full understanding that this may be impossible for her. If it does wind up being a problem for her (let's hope it isn't), you'll need to be able to stake out territory to deal with this on your own to your satisfaction. If she can't understand that without giving arbitrary conditions, you two have a real problem. I hope you'll keep talking and making good progress. Just be mindful of what success and acceptance will look like as well as what the real, functional minimum you can accept will be. It's fine to take that slowly and give her time to adjust as long as there is continuing progress and a commitment to understanding.

Thank you for the reply! Thanks for all of the ideas. I'm working on it now and trying to make it as detailed as possible. Thanks again

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Trevor said:

I'm unclear, has she shifted from her position that you get to wear three times per year? From where I sit, and I say this with sympathy to her in what is a new and unusual thing, that isn't exactly acceptance, it's barely tolerance. The rest of your post is more encouraging and I think keeping lines of communication open with this would be helpful for you both.

I said the same thing to her after she came up with the 3 times a year. I told her that it wasn't accepting. She followed back with that she "accepts me for me" but it really confused. After I wore around her for the first time she realized it was harmless. Thanks for your encouragement. I love this woman a lot. We have been through a lot together. She keeps asking me what I want and I told her I want time to think about it so when I tell her I am able to articulate those things correctly. Thanks for the reply!

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Hi boyteddy, it sounds as though you are in a good position with your GF. In fact it seems as though she is ready to accept more....but of course you know that. Just looking at your list, I'd probably unpack this stuff more gently. If you overwhelm her, she may retreat from the positive position she's currently in, making progress more difficult for you.
Take Baby steps...pardon the pun.

Thanks for replying! How could unpack it more gently? I was worried about overwhelming her.

Hello Boyteddy.

Firstly, congratulations for being brave enough to open up to your girlfriend about this part of yourself.

As many have said, the most important part of all this is clear communication. It's good that you're making a list of things that you're interested in exploring, as that will help guide your desires and expectations for future interactions. However, you obviously need to keep her expectations (and limitations) in mind, and the best way to do that is through shared discussion.

Start with something as simple as "I'm interested in sharing more of this part of myself with you. Would you be willing to explore that?"

As Ozbub correctly suggested, a gentle touch is required here, as she'll obviously have her own interpretations as to what you'll mean by this.

Start with the lighter elements of your list:

"I enjoyed cuddling with you when I was wearing in December. Would you be open to expanding that physical contact to include things like holding me?"

"I appreciate that you'll allow me to wear around you. How would you feel if I were to slowly introduced other elements, such as a pacifier or a stuffed animal? OR Would you be open to me leaving my diaper uncovered in the near future?"

Having looked at your list, these elements are the least likely to be off-putting or outright rejected at first response. Wetting, diaper changes, and sexual acts are another tier of acceptance/involvement, and should probably be left for another discussion once she has become familiar with these lighter additions to her involvement (especially as she has already expressed disinterest in wetting, and having diapers in bed - that may be where she draws the hard line.)

NOTE: Mattew made a good point of letting her know that there are others who share this part of you, so that she can better understand that this isn't as strange or upsetting as previously thought. But again, slow and steady wins the race...

Equally important (if not more so) is understanding her perspective on all of this; her reservations, her fears, her questions and her comments. Give her room to express these views in your discussion, and reiterate your appreciation for her involvement. Make sure she knows that you don't want to put here in a space where she is uncomfortable - and that if she is, you're willing to slow things down.

After you've expressed your desires, and she has expressed what she's willing to explore (and what she isn't), feel free to negotiate a timeline:

"I would like to have tried this by [insert agreeable date here]."

"I'm happy to wait [however long] until we started involving this part."

Of course, your milage may vary. I'm no advice columnist, so take all this with a grain of salt. You're the one who knows your girlfriend the best, so just take it slow, use open and gentle language, and hopefully things will work out for the best.


TL;DR: Express your desires carefully, find where her limitations are, and sort out a timeline for all this to happen over. Communication, communication, communication.

I suggest a conversation. A list is good to get your thoughts in order, as is this thread, but I think the best way to work with another person is to explain to them, let them ask questions and figure it out together.

For example maybe you take the short list from your first post and ask her to pick a couple items that she would be okay with. Then you can talk about them. Answer the who, what, when, where questions. For example, if you get a pacifier, when would you suck on it? How often? Where would you do it? Where would you keep it? Ask her how she feels as you explain more details and be willing to compromise (but don't give up everything either).