I have been a part of this site on and off since 2008. In that time I have enjoyed the advice, arguments, insults, compliments, crys for help, and the saving advice that followed. So thank you for that. All of you.
Now this is not a cry for help in the sense that I am horribly depressed and plan on doing something terrible to myself. I am actually very emotionally stable and generally happy. What I am asking for here is advice from people that are in stable relationships. So, here it goes.
I have been a DL my whole life. I lived in closeted denial for almost 40 years of that time. Sneaking in the occasional diaper when I could, but essentially feeling guilty and ashamed of my DL feelings. Around 6 years ago, just before I turned 40, my feelings reached an apex and with the advice from this site I came out to my wife. I have already gone through that story, so I won't do it again. To sum up, my wife didn't take it well and has since come to terms with it. She absolutely refuses to waiver from her disgust and misunderstanding of the whole thing, however. We have been together for over 25 years, married for almost 17 (with one child). She was raised Italian Catholic, so her moral compass is set in stone. More importantly, I love her and respect her. With the exception of my Diaper loving, she feels the same towards me. Interestingly, I relate with her most of the time. My German Catholic upbringing has given me the same inbred moral compass. I constantly feel shame, guilt and at extremes, disgust about my own behavior. Because of this insight, I don't hold against her her vanilla mindset.
So that is the background. Here is the situation.
My diaper feelings are currently in overdrive. This happens, as we all know. Ebbs and flows. I don't purge anymore (thank you maturity) but I do have lulls that can last months. The thing that I have been mulling over is, what can I do to participate in this wonderful proclivity without violating the commitment I have made with my wife? More specifically, is venturing out beyond the relationship in a platonic way a valid move?
I fear I already know the answer.
How about this? I am a member of a Fetlife group that organizes a monthly Munch. Would participating in this be a violation? Taken further, if I lied about where I was going in order to participate, how much of an a$$hole would I be?
As much as I enjoy my time online. I really feel the need to talk to people face to face. Talking is all I want right now, and the Munch seems the most innocent of starting points. I have no idea what I expect to accomplish by going. I just have to know if meeting people face to face will enhance my enjoyment of this, or prove to me once and for all that I will participate in this in isolation for ever.
Sad to think, but possible. As much as I like Fetlife, it scares me a little. As I skew to the AB side of the force, my 'little' is nervous.
More importantly, I don't want to jeopardize my family for this fetish. Even though it can dominate my life at times.