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Thread: Want to change your Life? Get Angry.

  1. #1
    Misatoismywaifu

    Default Want to change your Life? Get Angry.

    "Rage, rage against the dying of the light"
    Don't settle for status quo anymore, let competitiveness burn you up and strive to bethe best in everything you do.


    https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ange-get-angry

    /post

  2. #2

    Default

    Hmmm... That strategy -- letting competitiveness "burn me up" -- has left me "burnt out": unemployed with anxiety disorders, depression, a craving for perfection, and a general sense of being useless... and pointless... :-/

    Berating yourself for not having the life you want, not being "the best in everything you can do", and getting angry about it, is only going to damage your self-esteem and, eventually, make you realise that it's not worth the stress of being perpetually angry to achieve your goals; nothing is worth the stress that destroys your mental health.

    And it's a lot harder to change your life and recover from the drudgery if you've inflicted mental health problems on yourself...

    I'd suggest that not getting angry, and learning to accept your feelings would lead to a better chance of changing your life. Learning to love and forgive yourself, as well as learning what underlies the feelings of frustration, and the reasons that you have been "settling for the status quo" will put you in a stronger position to actively change your life for the better.

  3. #3

    Default

    Anybody wonder why I'm skeptical of psychology? Read this.



    What a load of undiapered crap. <vague, meaningless babble>

    Want to change your life? Plan the work, work the plan.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Maxx View Post
    Anybody wonder why I'm skeptical of psychology? Read this.



    What a load of undiapered crap. <vague, meaningless babble>

    Want to change your life? Plan the work, work the plan.
    I'm not but I Aggree with you on that.

  5. #5

    Default

    Anger can be a positive force for good. Anger drove the feminist movement, the anti-war movements and helps us correct injustices in society. It can even make you do something you would not want to do in any other circumstance. But it should not be directed at yourself except if you have done something that is worthy of anger. Such as hurting someone. Anger is what drives me to help people in many circumstances but it is anger at injustice.

    I don't know many psychologists who would agree with this article. Self-blame and anger at oneself is one of the things you start going through when you are in the early stages of depression. You don't want to be angry at yourself too much. Anger is a constructive emotion but it can easily move onto shame and hate. Both which aren't constructive.

    Yep, plan to change. But instead of anger put systems in place to keep yourself accountable. Tell someone "This is what I'm going to change in my life and this is when I'm going to change it by." Goals with deadlines and accountability are proven methods for change.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by tiny View Post
    Hmmm... That strategy -- letting competitiveness "burn me up" -- has left me "burnt out": unemployed with anxiety disorders, depression, a craving for perfection, and a general sense of being useless... and pointless... :-/

    Berating yourself for not having the life you want, not being "the best in everything you can do", and getting angry about it, is only going to damage your self-esteem and, eventually, make you realise that it's not worth the stress of being perpetually angry to achieve your goals; nothing is worth the stress that destroys your mental health.

    And it's a lot harder to change your life and recover from the drudgery if you've inflicted mental health problems on yourself...

    I'd suggest that not getting angry, and learning to accept your feelings would lead to a better chance of changing your life. Learning to love and forgive yourself, as well as learning what underlies the feelings of frustration, and the reasons that you have been "settling for the status quo" will put you in a stronger position to actively change your life for the better.
    I think the big thing is being able to manage anger, something many people struggle to do. Anger, when used effectively, can be a great motivator. Anger need not always be destructive. Anger can overwhelm most of our other basic responses to various stimuli, which is what the article was driving at. I mean, think about how many people have committed assaults or even murders out of anger! Instead of assaulting someone in a fit of rage, imagine the power of using that as motivation to get up off your ass and get something done.

    Years ago, in a particularly dark time of my life, I had a particularly bad day that became a particularly bad night. And somehow, that turned to anger about a lot of things (I had a lot of things to be angry about). I wound up going on a cleaning bender. I cleaned my apartment-put everything away, dusted, vacuumed the floors, wiped down the kitchen, even scrubbed the bathroom. And I was still angry, felt like I was polishing a turd. So, I started in on the end table drawers and desk cabinets and all those little nooks and spaces that become junk accumulators. Then, I was on to something, so I went for the storage closet and all the boxes within!

    It was cathartic, and something I think I desperately needed at that point in my life. By the time I was done that night, I threw away seven boxes of junk and donated another three boxes of clothing and bric-a-brac to the Salvation Army. My storage closet, which was a 5x5 space that had been filled floor to ceiling, had three boxes remaining. My clothes closet was purged of stuff that was old, worn out, or didn't fit. My end tables were cleared. I threw out papers that I hadn't needed for years but worried I might. I threw out knick-knacks and old kitchenware that I didn't need but kept "just in case." I even threw out the box of assorted junk my grandmother had given me as decoration for my apartment when I'd moved in. It was the start of a clean break-I physically and mentally stopped holding onto the past for a time that night. I stopped worrying about what I was "supposed" to do and "supposed" to have.

    I channeled anger into something productive. I turned anger into action.

    I think you make a good point, but I think your point is only part one of a multi-part series. I think learning what the underlying causes of your frustrations, why you've settled for the status quo, realizing that sometimes perfection isn't necessary or even necessarily desirable, I think those are sort of a prerequisite to being able to fully utilize anger as a tool. Beating yourself up, berating yourself, and causing yourself needless stress can certainly be harmful, and I think we need to be careful that we don't mistake getting angry for getting angry at ourselves. But, I think it's also problematic to presume ourselves blameless in our own affairs, too. Sometimes shit happens, sometimes we make it happen. Learning to distinguish between the two is absolutely imperative.

    Perhaps the linked article was a bit hippy-dippy for some. But, I think the underlying hypothesis might have some merit.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Aidy View Post
    Yep, plan to change. But instead of anger put systems in place to keep yourself accountable. Tell someone "This is what I'm going to change in my life and this is when I'm going to change it by." Goals with deadlines and accountability are proven methods for change.
    Yep

  8. #8

    Default

    Anger, when used properly, can be extremely productive. On my 18th birthday, I became a cadet at a military service academy here in the U.S., much due to the urging of my mother and stepfather. Six months later, I realized a military career and I were not a good fit, and I left of my own volition. My mother and stepfather were so set on wanting me to go to the service academy that when I left I was told that I would not get any help or support from them. Their exact words were, "You won't get one dime of support from us if you walk away from the academy."

    That pissed me off. Throw in the fact that when I got back to my hometown on the flight, they couldn't be bothered to pick me up, I had to get a cab that I paid for out of my meager savings to take me home. I worked two full time jobs for three months, then cut back to one for the next three in order to save money to move out and pay for my own college. I do this, including buying a car, etc., to get around. Moved several hundred miles away to college, paying my own rent, tuition, books, you name it.

    Now I meet the woman who is to become my wife. She gets pregnant and we have children. I'm still in college, but I'm paying for it all, working while taking classes. My mother and stepfather keep telling me how I have now completely destroyed my life and I'll never get anywhere beyond a fast food job. My senior year of college, they finally ask me why I've never come to them for financial help, and I remind them what they told me when I left the academy. They are now asking to pay for part of my expenses for my last year of college. They give me a gas card and pay for my car insurance, so out of four years of college, they've paid about the equivalent of $3-5k in today's prices.

    The anger motivated me to prove to them just how well I could do without them. My best revenge? Three years out of school, and my wife and I have just bought our first house, I'm visiting my mother and stepfather and tax season is rolling around. I'm complaining about what tax bracket I'm in and how much it costs me, at which point my mother just looks at me and says, "Don't be silly, you don't get in that bracket until you make more than X dollars a year." Straight faced, I just answered, "Oh, I made way more than that last year." (I most certainly had) Mom's jaw hit the floor. Three years out of college, and I was pulling in more annual income than her and my stepfather combined.

    Anger can be quite a motivational tool. Piss me off with an attitude of what you think I am or am not capable of, and I'll prove you wrong.

  9. #9
    Misatoismywaifu

    Default

    It worked, and has been working for me. Any Positive change in my life has come from utter frustrations and disgust with how unsatisfied I was with my life in the present moment. Everyone is different but the fires of competition, competing with who I was yesterday in every single thing I do make me better than before. Everyone is different though. Over my life I transformed myself from Polar Opposite just because I was fed up with living a mediocre existence and was on the verge of ending it all, I chose to stick around and make a game of life because it sucks too much not to make it fun. A test, of intestinal fortitude, heart, soul, mind, body, ethic, etc. it's all just a game.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Duality View Post
    It worked, and has been working for me. Any Positive change in my life has come from utter frustrations and disgust with how unsatisfied I was with my life in the present moment. Everyone is different but the fires of competition, competing with who I was yesterday in every single thing I do make me better than before. Everyone is different though. Over my life I transformed myself from Polar Opposite just because I was fed up with living a mediocre existence and was on the verge of ending it all, I chose to stick around and make a game of life because it sucks too much not to make it fun. A test, of intestinal fortitude, heart, soul, mind, body, ethic, etc. it's all just a game.
    As they say, strokes for folks.

    My most successful changes have come when I've tricked my OCD into working for me rather than against me.

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