Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13

Thread: My bipolar brother is ruining my life.

  1. #1

    Default My bipolar brother is ruining my life.

    This is just hard to talk about, but I had to talk about it with someone, I can't stand my brother any more, because it feels like he's running/ruining my life. Seriously, all it feels like it is with him is Yugioh cards, Star Wars, and video games, In college. Also, he's hurting my grandmother, which is a very special person, because she has been through SO MUCH, including but not limited to, Several Bad Husbands, Cancer, The Holocaust, His own son abandoning her, Several diseases that could kill her, The 60's, and others. (Her words not mine, oh and as far as I know these are true, I didn't make anything up.) Anyway, my grandmother, almost took away my phone, which is the only place I can communicate to you guys. But Instead gave me two weeks to bring up my grade, which would be easier if not for me and my brother, which, in lack of a better scenario, We are like Cain and Abel, From the bible, Anyway I used to not be a nervous wreck when it came to tests, But Math 050, and my second semester changed that, and The last semester before this, Several factors caused my failure, Most notable is my brother going to THE SAME COLLEGE, AS ME, WHEN IT WAS ALWAYS CONSIDERED ME AND MY GRANDMOTHERS ALONE TIME, AND IT FELLS LIKE MY BROTHER IS RUINING MY LIFE ALL BECAUSE I CARE WAY TOO MUCH!!!!!!! Sorry I had to shout, because at this point I'm just venting, and my grandmother can't stand negatives so I would like to know what do I do.
    Last edited by KittyninjaW; 10-Feb-2015 at 11:50.

  2. #2

    Default

    That sounds really difficult. It can be very hard to deal with changes in your life that take away your personal space and time.

    Let me see if I understand the problem. It sounds like what you're saying is that your brother's difficulties are impacting three things: your studies, your time with your grandmother, and your overall emotional stability.

    If that's right, I have a few suggestions. First, you should talk to some counsellors at your school about the problem. They may have good perspective, especially about changes you could make to improve your ability to get your studies done.

    One thing you could also look into would be to change your housing situation. If the school offers small private dorms, that living situation could remove a lot of the stress from your life.

    A third suggestion, and remember you don't have to follow these, is to try and change your perspective about your brother. From your post, you seem very critical of his activities, enough that it's impacting your life. You may need to let go a little bit and let him enjoy what he enjoys, even if you think it's not good for him. That will free you up to focus on your own health and well-being. Think it over a little.

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    That sounds really difficult. It can be very hard to deal with changes in your life that take away your personal space and time.
    Yes it is, and thank you.



    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    Let me see if I understand the problem. It sounds like what you're saying is that your brother's difficulties are impacting three things: your studies, your time with your grandmother, and your overall emotional stability.
    In a nutshell yes, that's pretty much it.



    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    If that's right, I have a few suggestions. First, you should talk to some counsellors at your school about the problem. They may have good perspective, especially about changes you could make to improve your ability to get your studies done.
    I'll think about that one, and thank you.



    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    One thing you could also look into would be to change your housing situation. If the school offers small private dorms, that living situation could remove a lot of the stress from your life.
    Believe Me, I go to a community collage, and as much as I would like too move out, I really can't just yet due to the fact that I don't have a car or a job.



    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    A third suggestion, and remember you don't have to follow these, is to try and change your perspective about your brother. From your post, you seem very critical of his activities, enough that it's impacting your life. You may need to let go a little bit and let him enjoy what he enjoys, even if you think it's not good for him. That will free you up to focus on your own health and well-being. Think it over a little.
    I'll think about that one.

  4. #4

    Default

    My exGF is very probably bipolar. She ruined my whgole life completely. Hard to say, but if is necesasry to defend yourself and your people (indiferent who is...,) so do it. But it's not a solution. The solution is fuck out your brother from your life or you can run away (search another house and run far away...)

    I know more people who's bipolar and really I wanna not them around me.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by CrazySmoker View Post
    My exGF is very probably bipolar. She ruined my whgole life completely. Hard to say, but if is necesasry to defend yourself and your people (indiferent who is...,) so do it. But it's not a solution. The solution is fuck out your brother from your life or you can run away (search another house and run far away...)

    I know more people who's bipolar and really I wanna not them around me.
    I don't think advising someone to run away is a good idea. Especially when it's close family. It's a problem that needs to be dealt with. And while I don't know the exact solution, I'm pretty sure it's a combination of setting up some strict rules for private study time in combination with a shift in thinking so that the brother takes up less mind space.

    Oh, here's a relatively easy one though. Take your books and leave your house when you need to study. Go to the school library or your closest public library. They'll have a quiet space for you to work without being disturbed.

  6. #6

    Default

    My aunt is Bipolar and sometimes they can be damaging. My mom cut her Bipolar sister out of her life because she was making her sick and affecting her health because that was how much she was upsetting her and putting stress on her and she had tried for years to work it out with her and to get along and now she is done. She is over 60 now so her energy is not as strong. I don't think it's wrong to not want to be around someone with that illness if they have a damaging personality. Also my Aunt has alienated lot of people from her life, her kids and daughter in laws, her siblings. She is also a narcissistic and very manipulative and she refuses to get help. I have known some other Bipolar people in my life and they all seemed fine to me. No mood swings or abuse or them blowing up at you out of the blue. I know all of them are different so I can't lump them all into one group. There are low functioning and high functioning ones as well. My aunt would be low. I don't think we should be a martyr just because someone has a mental illness.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by CrazySmoker View Post
    My exGF is very probably bipolar. She ruined my whgole life completely. Hard to say, but if is necesasry to defend yourself and your people (indiferent who is...,) so do it. But it's not a solution. The solution is fuck out your brother from your life or you can run away (search another house and run far away...)

    I know more people who's bipolar and really I wanna not them around me.


    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    I don't think advising someone to run away is a good idea. Especially when it's close family. It's a problem that needs to be dealt with. And while I don't know the exact solution, I'm pretty sure it's a combination of setting up some strict rules for private study time in combination with a shift in thinking so that the brother takes up less mind space.

    Oh, here's a relatively easy one though. Take your books and leave your house when you need to study. Go to the school library or your closest public library. They'll have a quiet space for you to work without being disturbed.
    I can't move out yet, I don't have a car or money, Oh and ArchieRoni, I am trying that right now, although I go to my room.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Calico View Post
    My aunt is Bipolar and sometimes they can be damaging. My mom cut her Bipolar sister out of her life because she was making her sick and affecting her health because that was how much she was upsetting her and putting stress on her and she had tried for years to work it out with her and to get along and now she is done. She is over 60 now so her energy is not as strong. I don't think it's wrong to not want to be around someone with that illness if they have a damaging personality. Also my Aunt has alienated lot of people from her life, her kids and daughter in laws, her siblings. She is also a narcissistic and very manipulative and she refuses to get help. I have known some other Bipolar people in my life and they all seemed fine to me. No mood swings or abuse or them blowing up at you out of the blue. I know all of them are different so I can't lump them all into one group. There are low functioning and high functioning ones as well. My aunt would be low. I don't think we should be a martyr just because someone has a mental illness.
    My bro is low functioning, oh and speaking from someone's perspective who has a mental illness, I agree.

  8. #8

    Default

    I'm going to hedge this response with the fact that your post was short on specifics so this post is going to be making a ton of educated guesses. That said, here we go!

    On dealing with your brother

    More than likely you can't do anything. You basically have two options. The first is to get him to understand your situation better and be more empathetic. If the way he's treating you now is a product of his bipolar disorder and (lack of) treatment you won't get anywhere. Your second option is to convince him to get better treatment, and if that was a feasible option you'd have done it by now so I'm assuming it's not. So in an attempt to make my post not completely useless to you, I'm going to give you advice for your situation as a whole.

    On dealing with your situation as a whole

    There are two things to realize here.

    1. Your entire situation is toxic. You probably already know this.
    2. Short of major change, you're doomed. You may realize this but you probably haven't taken it to heart.


    You need to get out. Now. Out of your entire situation. Away from your brother. Away from your grandma. Away from college. Everything. And I'm posting this as a person who's very big on family, sacrificing for your family, and on a college education. Go to your college's registrar's office and ask for a leave of absence. Get a job doing anything and look at your options for leaving your living circumstances, which I'm assuming are with your grandma.

    Look, I know that you probably hate the idea of leaving college. It's the path to a better life, right? Not the way you're doing it now. You're currently failing a remedial-level math class. Your not even at introductory college level and you're not able to succeed. All you're doing now is throwing a lot of money at, or going into a lot of debt for, something which is clearly not working. This isn't to say I don't think you can't be successful in college, but looking at the facts it's clear that at the current time, in your current circumstances, being successful in college is impossible. Leave and figure out how to get back in once your circumstances are more conducive to success. And if your brother's presence at the same college is a major reason for your failure then you won't succeed there. Period. Don't spend money on something that won't happen.

    If you want to keep working on your college career, don't sell back your book. There are tons of resources for your level of math online, so you have a textbook and free lectures. Use those, and the next time you register for Math 050 (or equivalent) you can kill it because you already know it.

    Find a way into living independently. Look for jobs. Work three part-time jobs if you need to. Take a roommate. Just get out of your grandma's house by any means necessary. I know you love her, but you're 21 and she took your phone away from you. What if you needed to call someone for homework help or for a study group? What if you were waiting to hear back from an on-campus job? The way that society works today, this is hardly different than her taking away your car, or switching off the circuit breaker controlling your room. Being successful requires a level of independence which she isn't respecting. You can visit her any time you want but living with her is demonstrably causing you trouble.

    Look, I'm all about helping family. You want to help your grandma. You at least want to get things with your brother neutral. But the fact is that you are not in any position to help them. If you had a steady career things would be different, but you don't. It's difficult to accept but you can't stop them from drowning when you're drowning as well. Your current situation is a house of cards and you're looking for ways to shore it up. In reality what you need to do is accept that you can't save a poorly-built structure that's going to collapse no matter how much glue you throw on it or how many alterations you make. You're in serious start-over mode. The good news? You're 21. If there's one thing you're not short of it's time. There are people 15 years older than you in the same situation who need to do the same thing, but they've pissed away a decade and a half of their young lives by pussyfooting around on the matter. Don't wait. Act now.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by AEsahaettr View Post
    I'm going to hedge this response with the fact that your post was short on specifics so this post is going to be making a ton of educated guesses. That said, here we go!

    On dealing with your brother

    More than likely you can't do anything. You basically have two options. The first is to get him to understand your situation better and be more empathetic. If the way he's treating you now is a product of his bipolar disorder and (lack of) treatment you won't get anywhere. Your second option is to convince him to get better treatment, and if that was a feasible option you'd have done it by now so I'm assuming it's not. So in an attempt to make my post not completely useless to you, I'm going to give you advice for your situation as a whole.

    On dealing with your situation as a whole

    There are two things to realize here.

    1. Your entire situation is toxic. You probably already know this.
    2. Short of major change, you're doomed. You may realize this but you probably haven't taken it to heart.


    You need to get out. Now. Out of your entire situation. Away from your brother. Away from your grandma. Away from college. Everything. And I'm posting this as a person who's very big on family, sacrificing for your family, and on a college education. Go to your college's registrar's office and ask for a leave of absence. Get a job doing anything and look at your options for leaving your living circumstances, which I'm assuming are with your grandma.

    Look, I know that you probably hate the idea of leaving college. It's the path to a better life, right? Not the way you're doing it now. You're currently failing a remedial-level math class. Your not even at introductory college level and you're not able to succeed. All you're doing now is throwing a lot of money at, or going into a lot of debt for, something which is clearly not working. This isn't to say I don't think you can't be successful in college, but looking at the facts it's clear that at the current time, in your current circumstances, being successful in college is impossible. Leave and figure out how to get back in once your circumstances are more conducive to success. And if your brother's presence at the same college is a major reason for your failure then you won't succeed there. Period. Don't spend money on something that won't happen.

    If you want to keep working on your college career, don't sell back your book. There are tons of resources for your level of math online, so you have a textbook and free lectures. Use those, and the next time you register for Math 050 (or equivalent) you can kill it because you already know it.

    Find a way into living independently. Look for jobs. Work three part-time jobs if you need to. Take a roommate. Just get out of your grandma's house by any means necessary. I know you love her, but you're 21 and she took your phone away from you. What if you needed to call someone for homework help or for a study group? What if you were waiting to hear back from an on-campus job? The way that society works today, this is hardly different than her taking away your car, or switching off the circuit breaker controlling your room. Being successful requires a level of independence which she isn't respecting. You can visit her any time you want but living with her is demonstrably causing you trouble.

    Look, I'm all about helping family. You want to help your grandma. You at least want to get things with your brother neutral. But the fact is that you are not in any position to help them. If you had a steady career things would be different, but you don't. It's difficult to accept but you can't stop them from drowning when you're drowning as well. Your current situation is a house of cards and you're looking for ways to shore it up. In reality what you need to do is accept that you can't save a poorly-built structure that's going to collapse no matter how much glue you throw on it or how many alterations you make. You're in serious start-over mode. The good news? You're 21. If there's one thing you're not short of it's time. There are people 15 years older than you in the same situation who need to do the same thing, but they've pissed away a decade and a half of their young lives by pussyfooting around on the matter. Don't wait. Act now.
    Um... I don't think I was clear on the details, I kinda already passed MTH-050, long ago, and passed all my college math class last semester, but it still haunts me, and I'm now in my second to last semester, and in case you were wondering, I have my graduation date on my page, January 2016, after that I will move out, and probably only then sence I don't have a car, also I am getting my brother help, although it's court ordered, and depending on the day, It goes good or bad, oh and my grandmother dealed, with 2 really bad husbands, both bipolar, and very very evil, and my phone isn't really connected to any service, although she gave me two weeks to get my grades up, which Is doing okay, oh and yes I'm 21 and no I am not pussy-footing around, at this point, I have a plain, and it's working, somewhat, Also I kinda made a promise to my grandmother, That I intend to keep, Also There are 11, more months, to go. And I intend to In the Words of the mortal kombat announcer, ....FINISH IT!!!!!! (I apologize if it sounded rude, but I really do appreciate, your advice, AEsahaettr, but I didn't say all the facts, earlier, and In case your, wondering I failed MTH-050, several semesters ago, and then passed it the next, and finished all my math classes last smester.)

  10. #10

    Default

    I kinda know how it feels. My family thought for years my brother was bipolar, turns out it's actually borderline personality disorder. It was incredibly tough growing up in my house, and I attribute that to a large part of why I'm an ab/dl. Moving out and seeing a psychologist were absolutely amazing for me, and really was able to help me change my thinking and anger towards my brother. If you hold onto all of that, it'll just put you into a really, really bad place.

    I wish you luck with it all! It's not easy, nor will it be quick, but for me, separating myself from the situation and focusing on my issues has made my life much, much better, and I hope yours will to!

Similar Threads

  1. My Intro. Adultbaby and bipolar
    By 77mommysdiperboykcmo in forum Greetings / Introductions
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 02-Jan-2011, 08:24
  2. Bipolar Disorder, possibly...maybe likely...
    By Kif in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 29-Oct-2010, 07:10
  3. Am I bipolar? (or just paranoiac XD)
    By ExDLFox in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 19-Mar-2010, 21:00
  4. The hell I went through discovering I'm Bipolar
    By Bigbaby85 in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 26-Jan-2010, 06:02

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.