I'm writing this thread to help other people who went through or are going through the same things that I have gone through; There is light at the end of the tunnel, trust me.
This thread is an update to my other thread 'Accepting Girlfriend'.TL;DR at the bottom of the thread.
First, a little backstory.
Growing up I realized at a young age that I had a fascination with diapers but it was never a huge deal until I hit puberty. When I turned 14 I noticed a shift. I noticed that I was constantly focused on them whenever I was stressed and I was horrified by these thoughts. I thought I was a freak, that nobody would love me and that no one would ever understand. Years passed with me struggling with my anxiety and everyday stresses, some days worse than others, some days ended with me actually buying diapers and hiding them in various places in my room, terrified that someone would find them and think I was insane. These often ended with me throwing my unused diapers away and wasting my money as well.
I met my girlfriend one year ago today, no I'm not making that up ( ). She is the most incredible woman that I have ever met. She consistently makes me smile and I am beyond grateful to have her in my life. Last June I decided I had to get a dark secret off of my chest for the first time in my 20 years on this Earth. I told her about my diaper fetish and felt instant relief; Like a massive weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I had no idea what her reaction would be, but I knew it'd be better to tell her everything about me. Honesty is the best policy. At first she was not so comfortable with the idea and I totally accepted that. We went to bed with a few awkward words and everything seemed alright the next day. The only purpose for me telling her was to be sure that I was open and honest with everything in our relationship because I knew that it would be going very important places for the both us.
Months passed. Little talks here and there about the diaper fetish, mainly when I was stressed or anxious and couldn't figure out why. In January, during one of our talks to try to put it in better perspective for me she said, "I don't care whether you're wearing a diaper or not. If it helps you and doesn't hurt anybody, I'm all for it. I just want you to be happy, to bake with you, to cuddle and to kiss you; Diaper or no diaper." This really opened my eyes to what kind of a person she really was. She truly is the most caring, understanding and supportive person that I have ever met.
As we began talking more and more about the idea of this, I began to feel a massive relief that came with more anxiety. I was anxious about the possibility of this driving us apart from one another. I was anxious about not being able to fully accept myself for who I am and what makes me happy. I was anxious about what she might think, say or how she may act when it came to me putting a diaper on and being with her.
Tonight we talked and decided we were both ready to bite the bullet and do this. Afterall, she only wants me to be happy. We went to the store, I bought some diapers, we went back to my house, and I put one on under my pants because I was too shy to be seen wearing just a t-shirt and a diaper.
Long story short, our wonderful night ended with us cuddling and falling asleep with me wearing nothing but my diaper and a t-shirt. She has made it very clear that from now on she wants me to be upfront and completely open and honest about what I'm feeling and if I need to wear a diaper for comfort/stress relief, then that was perfectly okay. I've spent my entire life telling myself that I wasn't going to be good enough for anybody, they wouldn't be able to see past this odd coping mechanism and see that I am still me. I thought that they would call me a freak and leave me. For these reasons I never told anybody about this. For 20 years I felt alone. I felt like nobody would ever understand. I actually began to become depressed about this. In one night my girlfriend changed my entire outlook on this subject. I just want everybody, no matter what age, to know that it's okay to be afraid of shy of this. I want you to know that you're not alone, you're not a freak and you're more than worthy to be loved and accepted by someone special in your life. I wish I had found ADISC.org earlier in my life and realized that I wasn't alone. That I wasn't a freak and that I deserve to be loved.
My whole life has been spent telling myself that I will never be good enough for anyone, that they'll think I'm a freak for finding comfort in diapers. I've done my research online and realized that there are thousands of other people just like me who find the same comfort in diapers. When I met my girlfriend I didn't know what would come of my this fetish or how she would react when I finally told her about it. That night came in June of 2014.
Months passed and it was now January. After many little talks about this subject, she finally told me flat-out that, "I don't care whether you're wearing a diaper or not. If it helps you and doesn't hurt anybody, I'm all for it. I just want you to be happy, to bake with you, to cuddle and to kiss you; Diaper or no diaper." And this statement really opened my eyes and helped me see that maybe this fetish is not something that's as big or weird of a thing as I initially thought it would be.
Tonight, on our 1-year anniversary we had a talk. That talk led to us both agreeing that now is a good time to bite the bullet and buy some diapers and get this all out in the open. I went to the store, bought some diapers, came home and put them on. I walked upstairs and began to cuddle with her. She told me I didn't have to keep my pants on and that there is no reason I should be ashamed. So I listened. When she left the room I took my pants off. I was now laying under blankets in nothing but a t-shirt and a diaper and that's how our night ended; Both of us cuddling and falling asleep with me in a t-shirt and a diaper.
What do I want to come out of this obnoxiously long thread? Acceptance. I want everybody who may be going through what I went through to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, that you're not alone, that ADISC.org and it's members are here for you and to help you feel more accepted. I want you to know that you're not a freak, you shouldn't be ashamed and above anything else, you deserve to be loved.
I sincerely hope that this thread proves good for some of you because I wish I had found more happy threads with positive outcomes within the negatives.
Thank you for reading,