cant have a girl sleep over ????

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babyboyd

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this is for those who want to become IC, I always had a bed wetting problem and have been a ab/dl since i can remember . once I was old enough to be on my own I wear to bed every night if, I don't I wet 80% 0f the time before i wore most every night it was maybe 2 times a month . now if i meet someone I cant have a sleep over , girls have needs too and if you cant fulfill them you lost your chance ............ so be careful what what u wish for
 
Of course you can have a sleepover. People who are IC are in loving relationships all over the world. Being IC is a more common thing than you may think. Incontinence is often something that is completely not your fault and may just be faulty anatomy. Whether or not you choose to take your diaper off to 'fulfill your girl's needs' is up to you and that's a choice you need to make. Incontinence may be a difficult thing for someone to grasp if they're new or just learning about it but if you inform her/them of your issue and they accept you and everything that comes with you then they're a keeper. If not, say so long. They weren't right for you anyways.

Best of luck,
Internet
 
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Certainly being IC makes things more complicated and does add another layer of complication to a "stay over" but do try to give people credit. Not all girls are shallow who will be unwilling to understand your personal needs. Just be open and honest.
 
Perhaps lucky, but when dating years ago the few girls that knew about my bedwetting were accepting. More than anything, I think their acceptance came from my positive attitude and self-acceptance. Plus, I did everything possible to assure my nocturnal accidents didn’t impact them. Truth be known, I think a couple of my girlfriends enjoyed my vulnerability.

If your frequency went from twice a month to 80% after you started wearing every night, I’d say your wetting is more habit than a physical problem. That being the case, if you truly want to stop I suspect you’d be a good candidate for treatment. On the other side, I do not want to stop and wonder if as an AB/DL you (perhaps subconsciously) are the same.
 
babyboyd said:
this is for those who want to become IC, I always had a bed wetting problem and have been a ab/dl since i can remember . once I was old enough to be on my own I wear to bed every night if, I don't I wet 80% 0f the time before i wore most every night it was maybe 2 times a month . now if i meet someone I cant have a sleep over , girls have needs too and if you cant fulfill them you lost your chance ............ so be careful what what u wish for

When it comes to relationships of any kind a healthy one includes at least tolerating (if not outright accepting) everything that person comes with in a compassionate way. That means at least tolerating the bad as well as the good in a person because good and evil are subjective and people forget that looking at things in black and white simply does not work that way. If you have bed wetting issues and some girl does not like you for that then they where not right for you. Not everyone is shallow and even someone who does not understand can still be respectful of other people's problems. I was once ignorant of trans issues once. But that never meant I would bash them for being trans because I knew enough to shut up about something I knew nothing about out of respect to people at the time. You deserve a healthy relationship and that relationship should include someone who accepts (no pun intended) that you need diapers for bed wetting issues (or because you need to regress sometimes to maintain your own mental health)if the relationship is going to be healthy in the first place.

Remember everyone has needs. If a girl can't recognize yours then the relationship is not going to be healthy. I would recommend that you start to try dating again and try to find someone right for you. When you eventually have to tell them about the diapers I would suggest doing so just before things get serious between you hypothetically because she is going to need to accept that part of you for the relationship to be healthy before things get worse for both of you. But I do recommend not mentioning the diapers on the first few dates either so you can be more comfortable with each other for that conversation.
 
im at the point in my life I don't want to lie, and for me beginning a relationship on a lie by saying I have a bed wetting problem even tho I do and its brought on by myself [mostly] ....When really im a big AB/DL , I recently had a date with a super pretty and cool girl after a night out we were walking to our cars and things got a little well you know , and I panicked and said k well I should get goin knowing she would have come with. needless to say that blew it but I was to scared to take that chance and yes there are thing I can do to help negate things but still ..... all im saying is you have to think about this lifestyle and the side affects can affect you until the time comes . after almost 40 years im getting more secur in who I am but a first dat is not the time to say after you n her..... say well should I diaper up or chance waking up with us in a puddle
 
Babyboyd,
It sounds like you need to decide which you like more, honesty or being an AB/DL. Once you make the decision you'll know where to go from there. There are AB/DL websites specifically for dating so you could give some of those a try. If you go with honesty, which is always my policy, chances are the girl will be understanding.

Best wishes,
Internet
 
Internet said:
Babyboyd,
It sounds like you need to decide which you like more, honesty or being an AB/DL. Once you make the decision you'll know where to go from there. There are AB/DL websites specifically for dating so you could give some of those a try. If you go with honesty, which is always my policy, chances are the girl will be understanding.

Best wishes,
Internet
sooooo..... I have re-written this about 10 times to stay within the rules . first of all I do truly thank you for your input but, your one experience and my life experience are 2 different things, I have the benefit of a dating life longer then you have been alive. first of all the dating sites are a total scam , and second of all most girls want don't want what e you and everyone else on this site are or it wouldn't be here , we would be living happily ever after in diapers with all our girls /boys . im sorry if I offend you or the mods but the whole try the same thing everyone here has done is real old . and besides all that my original post was directed at people like you life it beautiful now but once it ends and I hope it doesn't for but chances are it will sorry to say , you have to start new but your kink and body have changed as well , what do you do then ???????
 
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I'd agree with Internet's first part of his or her post. It really comes down to figuring out who you really are and what will never change even if you try and then taking some risks in finding the right person. The right person will also not be perfect, just overall more accepting and better than others. That is all one can really look for as she too will come with some things you may not like as will anyone. I am also not saying she won't like your ab/dl side, but there will be some things about you she will have to accept as well.

I'm in a similar situation. Since I'm only 22 I am at that self-fish stage where I don't look in the future much as far as relationships go and I already know what I am working towards now will definitely complicate some things later, however I don't care and it makes me happy. Ab/dl is one side of me that one will have to accept as I am cannot get rid of it, though the other parts of me I can do something about if I must. And similar to you I wear a diaper to bed every night even if it's not 100% for bed wetting yet. It's definitely for an emotional aspect and to even get proper sleep now.
 
Well if you don't want to be dishonest you can always say "I wear diapers to bed" if for whatever reason it comes over during a sleepover. She may or may not ask. If she does, say they give you comfort and see how it goes from there. You don't necessarily have to go straight to that you wet the bed if that's not really the case.
 
babyboyd said:
sooooo..... I have re-written this about 10 times to stay within the rules . first of all I do truly thank you for your input but, your one experience and my life experience are 2 different things, I have the benefit of a dating life longer then you have been alive. first of all the dating sites are a total scam , and second of all most girls want don't want what e you and everyone else on this site are or it wouldn't be here , we would be living happily ever after in diapers with all our girls /boys . im sorry if I offend you or the mods but the whole try the same thing everyone here has done is real old . and besides all that my original post was directed at people like you life it beautiful now but once it ends and I hope it doesn't for but chances are it will sorry to say , you have to start new but your kink and body have changed as well , what do you do then ???????

You could think like that. Or you could try just being honest with a girl you like and seeing what happens.
 
first of all I think I owe "Internet" a bit if an apology , I hope he see's this , I have been going through a bit of a rough time lately and I think I came off as a bit of a A-hole . so I do "Internet" , hope there is no hard feelings and yes you did make some good points , and all that have made comments have made good points as well so I thank you too. I guess it's really finding that balance of honesty and need to know info .
 
I still wet the bed on some nights but it's not a frequent as it used to be and half the time I wet I'm not wearing any diapers at all. I used to be padded every night when I was younger and not sleeping over at anybody's place because of it. If you need to wear diapers to bed you should tell her and see where it goes from there because for you it is a need.
 
I have been wearing both day and night for a long time. I have accepted that I am going to be wearing for life and I am totally fine with it. I wouldn't say I am at the point where I don't care who knows, but I have loosened up a lot lately. All of my doctors, my house maid, my Realestate agent, the FedX guy, my seamstress (a good story) and my Pharmacist know that I wear diapers. I am still a little shy about it. I have had a few dates and actually liked both women. However, I was not able to bring it up in a conversation with either of them even after a glass of wine. I wore a little extra bulk and nosey plastic pants in hopes they would say something, but it didn't happen. I think my next plan will be to have one of them over to the house for a cocktail, and then innocently leave a few disposables and plastic pants out in the open. If they get that really weird look, I will have my answer. If they are willing to ask question and discuss it, it may be a good move.

I will say one think that I never thought would happen. I moved and got a new house keeper. She is a single 55 year old lady that is honest, hard working, and extremely nice. When I interviewed here, she said she had worked for an older male that needed special attention. At that point I told here that I was very healthy, active, but I had to wear diapers. She was fine with it and said as long as I could change myself, it was totally fine. Today was her first day, and she is really awesome. I showed her my diaper pails (one for disposables and one for cloth and plastic pants. I told her I would be washing, but I wanted her to fold and dry. She immediately responded, I will take care of all washing, drying, folding, and shopping. I came back from lunch, and she washed and folded my diapers and plastic pants, and put them dearly away where they belong.

She worked all day today and will be coming back tomorrow (Sunday) to work from noon to 5:30. So far she is everything a single guy could ask of a maid/cleaning lady.

Now, back to getting a lady friend. Does anyone think that leaving some disposables and plastic pants out in the open to start a conversation on a second date? I just can scream it out and need a smoother messaging interface :) Advice????
 
It boils down to loving yourself (self-esteem). When you love yourself you are appealing to others. When you don’t it’s the opposite. I don’t have a magic formula for self-esteem, but it’s really what this place is all about.
 
Casual dating does not need to bring it up. When you start to think you want a more serious relationship, talking would be better than leaving stuff out to be found.
 
norcal57 said:
I have been wearing both day and night for a long time. I have accepted that I am going to be wearing for life and I am totally fine with it. I wouldn't say I am at the point where I don't care who knows, but I have loosened up a lot lately. All of my doctors, my house maid, my Realestate agent, the FedX guy, my seamstress (a good story) and my Pharmacist know that I wear diapers. I am still a little shy about it. I have had a few dates and actually liked both women. However, I was not able to bring it up in a conversation with either of them even after a glass of wine. I wore a little extra bulk and nosey plastic pants in hopes they would say something, but it didn't happen. I think my next plan will be to have one of them over to the house for a cocktail, and then innocently leave a few disposables and plastic pants out in the open. If they get that really weird look, I will have my answer. If they are willing to ask question and discuss it, it may be a good move.

I will say one think that I never thought would happen. I moved and got a new house keeper. She is a single 55 year old lady that is honest, hard working, and extremely nice. When I interviewed here, she said she had worked for an older male that needed special attention. At that point I told here that I was very healthy, active, but I had to wear diapers. She was fine with it and said as long as I could change myself, it was totally fine. Today was her first day, and she is really awesome. I showed her my diaper pails (one for disposables and one for cloth and plastic pants. I told her I would be washing, but I wanted her to fold and dry. She immediately responded, I will take care of all washing, drying, folding, and shopping. I came back from lunch, and she washed and folded my diapers and plastic pants, and put them dearly away where they belong.

She worked all day today and will be coming back tomorrow (Sunday) to work from noon to 5:30. So far she is everything a single guy could ask of a maid/cleaning lady.

Now, back to getting a lady friend. Does anyone think that leaving some disposables and plastic pants out in the open to start a conversation on a second date? I just can scream it out and need a smoother messaging interface :) Advice????

Norcal,
I've pondered this question a lot over the years. I'm now in my early 60's (not much older than you) so I've come to realize that I'm a lot further down the path to the grave than I want to admit. That being said, do you want to spend what's left with someone that can't accept this aspect of your life? Are you far enough into the relationship that you can talk about more intimate aspects of your life? By now you understand your needs/desires of your abdl self and to what degree an SO would have to be a part of it. If I were you I'd come clean about it as soon as she is comfortable enough with you to face the "imperfections" that ALL people have. If she's the one, she'll accept this part of you. If not, I'd move on before the relationship became more involved and more painful for her and you. There are more people than we think out there that are more open minded than we'd like to believe. It seems to me these people have a much more caring loving personality than someone that would reject you for it. Your housekeeper for instance.

How to tell her.... I think (for me) I'd have to personally tell her at a quiet moment away from the rest of the world so that any "uncomfortable outcome" around others would be avoided. Yeah, it's tough (I broke down and cried) ... But I think if she's important enough in you life to where this question gets raised, she deserves your disclosure by you. The diapers can come out later....

Will leaving the evidence out there in plain sight work? HELL YES!! You have to ask yourself if that's the way you would want to find out about an "uncomfortable" aspect of her. Pick something in your mind that would make you REALLY uncomfortable with her. How would you react to her "toys" in plain sight. Would you rather she tried to explain it to you without seeing the goods? That's for you to decide. Remember that her seeing the diapers only forces your revelation. You still have to explain yourself. Only now with the evidence right in plain view while you try to explain yourself out of a mess. To me it would be MUCH better to not complicate the disclosure while having to stare at the diapers. To me it's also matter of consideration of her.
Yeah it'll be one of the hardest things you've ever done, but life has some hard decisions.

Let us know how it works out for you....
When I came clean with my wife of fourty years, she accepted it and still loved me. We were only a few weeks from our wedding date and as hard as it was to tell her I forced myself to do it. I broke down and cried. I have to say, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. The frightening thing about coming clean is the possibility that she'll reject you. But then, for me it would be better than living with a secret ( or a too late revelation of it) that would poison that relationship.
 
Well said, Meetoo.
 
I would be thankful for my being saved from sleeping with someone on my first date. Those kind of relationships are not going anywhere in the long run anyway. I'd say just look her in the eyes and tell her you like her but you want to wait until you know each other better before having a sleep over. That will gain you the respect you deserve and allow you time to win her heart before sharing your imperfections.
 
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