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Thread: Managing the Dark Matter of Your Life

  1. #1

    Default Managing the Dark Matter of Your Life

    There might be a better phrase for this idea but I'm not aware of it, so I'm just winging it. For those who avoid physics, "dark matter" is what makes up most of the mass of our universe but it is very hard to perceive directly for us. We see its effects and that's about all. What I'm thinking of in terms of this thread is how do you manage the aspects of your life that you keep private from most people and what accomodations do you make to keep them that way? Given the audience, this most likely applies to ABDL stuff but it could be anything.

    In my case, my ABDL practices are pretty private, so it's relatively easy to manage. I live alone and as long as I keep things tidy, I can have people over none the wiser. The more involved effort for me has been the one I wouldn't have expected when I joined up here: it's dealing with the social aspects of being an ABDL. I have friends, both online and nearby who I interact with. I have traveled to see them and they come to see me. These people are my friends and those social connections tend to bleed over into my mundane life. Due to the right skills, my company contracted one of them briefly for some work (good results all around). Friends and family have met some of them and since I'd rather not say that they're my ABDL pals from a diaper support site, I have occasionally needed a plausible cover story. Online gaming has worked wonders for me in this area.

    My biggest hurdle at one time was coming back to work on Monday having gone to a meet or just had a slack weekend with a lot of diapery stuff and having little to talk about. Now it could be a visit from a friend of days or weeks. I know most people are caught up in their own business most of the time, so it's likely not that much of an issue. Still, I wonder how it is perceived by those who think about it.

  2. #2


    I try not to think about it, but it senks, up on me.

  3. #3


    There are various aspects of my life that I keep private from various people. I live with a roommate, which makes hiding my ABDL stuff slightly more difficult, but we respect each others privacy and we don't go into each other's room, so I have been able to keep my diapers hidden without him noticing. If I were to have friends over, I could probably hide them in a box or decommissioned suitcase. Keeping things from my family is easier since they live in CT or abroad, so I simply don't bring ABDL stuff with me when I go visit them (the only exception to this being footie pajamas, which were a godsend for my feet while visiting my family over Christmas break).My biggest issues are similar to those you mentioned. There have been many weekends where I have not done much besides being little, so it does make it tough to socialize with others sometimes come Monday morning. I have also been too scared to make any real life ABDL friends for fear of it spilling over into my normal life. One big issue for me is leaving an ABDL tab open in the background while doing other things. There is nothing scarier than having someone standing over your shoulder and realizing there is a tab with the word diaper in the background. It has happened on a few occasions.

    There are also non-ABDL things I keep private from certain people. When I was a smoker, I made every effort I could to keep my parents from finding out. Even when I went home, I would only sneak outside to smoke after they went to sleep, and I washed my hands very carefully. Fortunately I no longer smoke, but they did find out after I left my pack of Djarum Blacks out one night. Even most of my friends didn't know save for a small group of smoker friends.

  4. #4


    Diapers and keeping them hidden/secret is sometimes a problem for me because all sorts of people keep showing up at my house. Part of the problem is that our bedroom is filled with medical equipment, and our dresser drawers filled with regular clothes. Since all of our children are grown and on their own, I use a downstairs bedroom to store my diapers and plastic pants. But when one of our kids and family come to visit, I have to clean out the closet and put them into storage bag hiding.

    O several occasions I've had our oldest son show up, and if he's looking for something in the house, the downstairs bedroom can become a problem. After Christmas he was looking for a bag or receipts which my wife thought was in the bedroom. He was looking while I was at work. I had left the closet door closed, but it certainly was a possible place to explore.

    When my brother-in-law is in town, he's a ridiculous snoop and is somewhat unhinged, so I again have to hide things.

    On other occasions, I have workmen in the house to fix whatever, and if they come unexpectedly early, I may still be in my footed jammies and diapered. Tomorrow may be such a day as my wife's dialysis machine didn't work tonight.

    Beyond all of that, I lived an exclusively gay life all four years of college. I recently told my daughter about that because she's heard my mention my college SO a number of times. I also wanted to share some of my college poetry with her as she is a writer. The rest of the family doesn't know, nor does anyone else in my life except my wife, of course. Our lives can be complicated and the intricacies aren't necessarily anyone's business. My life is complicated enough, so like Trevor, I like to keep it as simple and stress free as possible.

  5. #5


    I was going to try to answer your question but honestly I came to realize that I don't need to hide it because no one ever comes over to my house.....

    It's not sad or anything, I'm plenty social but I guess my home is one of those places that I tend to keep to myself.

    I honestly hadnt realized....

  6. #6


    I used to use a footlocker. Sometimes it just held a few old books and some clothes over what was not supposed to be seen. Other times it had a lock on it when I had coins or other things to be kept out of the hands of children, and it held other things in the bottom compartment.

  7. #7


    Having met my wife on this site, and our first time physically meeting being an ADISC meet, we have the small matter of the "So, how did you guys meet?" question.

    No other aspect of ABism really causes me much trouble. I don't regularly practice AB activies (except for wearing foot-PJs, but that's a normal part of life in the UK), the social side of things isn't so busy for me at the moment... but I do regularly have to lie about how I met my wife.

    The reason people ask how we met is because of the distance between our home towns. We've settled on a fairly plausible, albeit incredibly vague, lie. I usually suggest that there was a lot of alcohol involved, which both explains away any vagueness and insures that the more polite questioners know to change the subject.

  8. #8


    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    What I'm thinking of in terms of this thread is how do you manage the aspects of your life that you keep private from most people and what accomodations do you make to keep them that way?
    i just clicked over from reading Sanch's 'recluse' thread and while i've always been able to enjoy my own company, the DL thing pushed to it a different level.
    i used to dream about being a hermit and it's not i don't enjoy other's company, nor they mine, i just can't be mithered with their lifeshit, especially when it interferes with mine

    a coping strategy, for to get people to bugger-off, is grumpiness; that sits, conveniently, opposing my friendliness and humour, in an equal extreme.
    i look at it this way: give me the time to be me, by myself and then, when i'm ready, i'll come out and play with you.

    some people can't handle the extremes of my private life being wholly private and my public life being wholly free and open. i don't mind resorting to violence to preserve the former, but i'm often equally selfless and giving in the latter; and both can be to my detriment.

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