Disability and Being a "Little" or "Adult Baby"

I have noticed that many "Little's" and "Adult Babies" have disabilities of one kind or another. I of course have Autism and Cerebral Palsy. For me it is natural as a disable person to feel "small and vulnerable", due to the nature of my disabilities which also affect control over my bodily functions. Even though I am a 56 year-old adult, in the back of my mind all the time, I feel so little, fragile, and vulnerable. My mind of course is not functioning fully, and I was cognitively tested as to my "social functioning age" to be cognitively that of an 8 to 10 year-old child. Yet, my measured IQ is 135. I seem to be both cognitively a child and an adult at the same time. I am happiest doing simple things such as sitting on the cellar floor here at home mutely playing with my Matchbox and Hot Wheels toy cars and trucks or with my little plastic army men.

When out and around town, in social interactions, other adults when seeing me in my leg braces and using my forearm crutches, they many times talk to me, as if I were a child. It seems that the outside world sees us disabled adults as "children" who still do not know any better about anything.

I identify with this, at least to an extent. I was born with a muscle-wasting disease, similar to Muscular Dystrophy, but not quite so severe. Although my mobility has always been okay - in so far as I can walk and do some less strenuous forms of exercise - I have always been quite physically fragile, and combined with being quite small, I often felt when growing up, that I was naturally excluded from the rough and tumble pursuits of other boys. I think that ABDL has given me a way of experiencing that vulnerability in a way that I can enjoy. ABDL is never therapy, but it can be very theraputic.

In terms of people talking to me "as a child", that depends. If it's someone I know relatively well, they'll probably know that I'm well-educated, and if we've spoken, they'll be aware that I'm certainly as eloquent as the average able-bodied person. However, when I meet someone new, I do sometimes seem to be talked down to. For me, that's not anything I enjoy or embrace as a form of littleness. It's just an annoying form of (often subconscious) intellectual prejudice, which is likely to disappear after spending any real amount of time in my company.

Sanch said:

I identify with this, at least to an extent. I was born with a muscle-wasting disease, similar to Muscular Dystrophy, but not quite so severe. Although my mobility has always been okay - in so far as I can walk and do some less strenuous forms of exercise - I have always been quite physically fragile, and combined with being quite small, I often felt when growing up, that I was naturally excluded from the rough and tumble pursuits of other boys. I think that ABDL has given me a way of experiencing that vulnerability in a way that I can enjoy. ABDL is never therapy, but it can be very theraputic.

In terms of people talking to me "as a child", that depends. If it's someone I know relatively well, they'll probably know that I'm well-educated, and if we've spoken, they'll be aware that I'm certainly as eloquent as the average able-bodied person. However, when I meet someone new, I do sometimes seem to be talked down to. For me, that's not anything I enjoy or embrace as a form of littleness. It's just an annoying form of (often subconscious) intellectual prejudice, which is likely to disappear after spending any real amount of time in my company.

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I sooooooo understand what you're saying! I hate that sickeningly sweet tone nurses, and people I don't know, use. I've mastered talking to people with the authority to diagnose me as a human houseplant, using big words correctly. Having and successfully defending opinions on real issues also helps, as does having a, ":cursing:would you like to be picking up youring teeth," look. The A #1 rule of dealing with disabled people is assume competence! nonverbal people get it worst, but, 2 words as to why we assume competence, Stephen Hawking. Also, before Carly Fleischmann started typing, people thought she was retarded, but guess what, severely Autistic, yes, severely retarded, no.

Now, the one thing I do like about Parentese (baby talk) is, that it's soooo the opposite of angry, that I don't have to wonder or worry if Abale (once I find him, thought I had, but:no::frown is at me.

I'm on disability for depression and bipolar. I'm also an AB. I find it when I am padded to be very soothing for my symptoms, and when I play with a big bro or daddy my symptoms practically go away. I am fully functional though and have a bit of incontinence anyways thanks to an overactive bladder. Anyways that's my 2 cents. I usually don't disclose my disability but since the thread was started I figured I would chip in.

I am autistic and I communicate using my IPad, people often talk to me like a baby but some don't, often I don't even notice it unless it is really obvious then I get annoyed

Im a paraplegic (car crash when I was 11) and while i'm now 23, my body never really grew too much post injury and I look more like i'm about 14/15... I can't tell you how many times i've had bouncers try and take my ID when my boyfriend (now husband) have gone out for dinner or drinks or when I travel and am constantly asked where my parents are?! So while physically, I am little and this works to my advantage when I want to "be little" when it comes to living day to day, it does have its serious drawbacks. Now as far as my disability and lack of continence goes, that just comes with the chair, but it's still frustrating when people automatically assume you can't take care of yourself or you need someone to answer for you...Um excuse me, i'm here, i'm a person, my name is james and you can feel free to address your questions about me, directly to me please!

LOL, ok rant over... that felt good! :biggrin:

Very well heard! I'm going to train my own 4-legged, "No, I don't need your help," sign! It can't be said enough, I hate when people speak for me, or or don't ask me questions about my disabilities, when they have them. I know people who now carry laminated cards explaining things like, "My body didn't grow post-SCI; that doesn't make me a kid. Though constantly answering questions is annoying, I'd rather you ask me than not, if they arise." Works for other disabilities, too.

No one talks to me like a child or down to me. I do look normal. My anxiety tends to make me act childish and I am also childlike in other ways and I don't know if t's due to personality or my Asperger's but it's a bonus for my AB/DL. There are plenty of people out there who act childish and have no mental illness or a neurological disorder so how do you distinguish?

I'm not in the business of trying to justify one with the other, or saying one causes the other, but as you know, I do wonder.

If we just made items items, instead of baby items or adult items, that would help. 5 cases come to mind, a bio-6-year old, with severe cerebral palsy I saw on tv, who was bottle fed by his mom to prevent him breathing his drink into his lungs, a severely Autistic 5-ish year-old who's only word wasaci:. His mom refuses to take from him the only thing he can ask her for. I say, " Go, her!" I've also seen another severe Autie, in his mid 20s, who finally learned to self-sooth. He sucks his thumb. His mom is ecstatic, because she doesn't need to be there soothing him every time he needs to be. She could give 2 shits what everyone else says. Self-soothing is a skill; he learned it, yay! Then there's accepted. Why should it matter what his comfort items look like. I wonder if those who down him for wanting hisaci: and clothes in public are aware of the diagnostic criteria for ASD, (strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects is used in the DSM 5 as an example) or if they've noticed from his profile he has one, in addition to his SPD. CPDude is another case.

My point is, disabled or not, we all deserve the same respect, and if items weren't associated with age groups, but need, physical or otherwise, that would save a ton of drama & b.s.

I mean special cups to prevent aspiration do exist, but cost way more than a baby bottle. Baby bottles are seen as bad because they are cutesy. We want to treat folks with dignity. Well, thanks, but cuteness isn't undignified, and baby bottles are cheaper, so I see that mom's POV. If he outgrows baby printed bottles, solid colors & clear bottles exist, if he himself finds the bottle uncomfortably babyish, that's the time to spend money on a special cup. I'm glad there's a niche market that could be used to provide needed items in the cases I mentioned above. Were the caregivers aware of adult pacis I'm sure a few of them would buy them. And society's problem is. . .?

I am autistic myself and also a Little. I guess just because people don't really look at me and assume I'm autistic. So I know my experience isn't the same as others. I have trouble a lot in public, but on the rare occasion someone sort of guesses. I admit I kinda personally find it a bit soothing if they talk to me in a sweet manner. I like knowing someone is going to be understanding with me. I guess just my family was always so frustrated and impatient with me. So maybe that's why. I still think people shouldn't treat people as if they are intellectually inferior or them or something, but I wish everyone was patient, loving, and sweet with each other. Not condescending obviously, but sometimes I think people see condescending when it's not there.

SpAzpieSweeTot said:

I'm not in the business of trying to justify one with the other, or saying one causes the other, but as you know, I do wonder.

If we just made items items, instead of baby items or adult items, that would help. 5 cases come to mind, a bio-6-year old, with severe cerebral palsy I saw on tv, who was bottle fed by his mom to prevent him breathing his drink into his lungs, a severely Autistic 5-ish year-old who's only word wasaci:. His mom refuses to take from him the only thing he can ask her for. I say, " Go, her!" I've also seen another severe Autie, in his mid 20s, who finally learned to self-sooth. He sucks his thumb. His mom is ecstatic, because she doesn't need to be there soothing him every time he needs to be. She could give 2 shits what everyone else says. Self-soothing is a skill; he learned it, yay! Then there's accepted. Why should it matter what his comfort items look like. I wonder if those who down him for wanting hisaci: and clothes in public are aware of the diagnostic criteria for ASD, or if they've noticed from his profile he has one, in addition to his SPD. CPDude is another case.

My point is, disabled or not, we all deserve the same respect, and if items weren't associated with age groups, but need, physical or otherwise, that would save a ton of drama & b.s.

I mean special cups to prevent aspiration do exist, but cost way more than a baby bottle. Baby bottles are seen as bad because they are cutesy. We want to treat folks with dignity. Well, thanks, but cuteness isn't undignified, and baby bottles are cheaper, so I see that mom's POV. If he outgrows baby printed bottles, solid colors & clear bottles exist, if he himself finds the bottle uncomfortably babyish, that's the time to spend money on a special cup. I'm glad there's a niche market that could be used to provide needed items in the cases I mentioned above. Were the caregivers aware of adult pacis I'm sure a few of them would buy them. And society's problem is. . .?

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I have Asperger's along with SPD that never got properly diagnosed much less treated until after I was 29 (the SPD diagnosis only came about in October of 2014 Asperger's was done in 2008). After all the hell I went through people still try to call me out as a "freeloader" now that I am totally dependent on SSDI. If you where to look at me with your own eyes you would see a 6'6" 250 pound guy who looks like he has a ordinary build. I am built like a tank but in the end people forget usually that I am not immortal and even I bleed like everyone else and this has resulted in mildly severe permanent damage to my body because I was conditioned from childhood to think that what I am now is a "freeloader" I never learned to hate myself more then my enemies because what I did was actually way worse. I was reckless and would try to help people at great personal expense to myself because of the delusional thinking that I was somehow more responsible for other people. Technically I still think I am somewhat responsible for other people but only to a point now.

I am so crazy that I am willing to eat bullets for even my own enemies simply out of compassion for them. Why? Because that is just my natural reaction to violence. I constantly get the impression from people in meet in person that their thinking "Oh he's huge he can take it" mentality and in the end I still answer to being human. What CP and/or MS does to one's body society is doing to my mind. The truth of the matter is people used to antagonize me every waking moment of every day of my life between 1991 until 2009. Even now I spend more time having to watch my back then actually help people now and I am still somehow thought of as "selfish" when I could use some of that because I am selfless by nature.

People have accused me of being a exhibitionist on other threads. Why should I even care what other people think of me? Does it look like I even want to popular when I do some of my more controversial statements? I was not put on this earth to do the popular thing although I am not entirely sure what my reason for existence really is. If I was to go out to a park wearing a dress while sucking on my aci: and reading my favorite book "All cats have Asperger's syndrome" did I not say I wanted to be left alone while doing so? If I was a exhibitionist then why would I prefer to be left alone in a hypothetical situation like that? I would really like for someone to outright ignore the dress, pacifier, and book and just say hello to me in general conversation in a hypothetical situation like that but even being ignored and not talked to would be a massive improvement over what is happening right now.

I am in so much pain all the time (mentally speaking) that I sometimes lose cognitive awareness of what I am doing sometimes. I even have gaps in my memory as a result because of my reliving past events. My having SPD and Asperger's mutually aggravate each other resulting in mild functional incontinence due to lack of awareness (along with other issues) now as result. Top off the fact that I have SPD and Asperger's with 5 different personality disorders and it's a wonder that I am not dead yet due to "the body not being able to survive without the mind" because there is at least a figurative truth to that concept.

I will live through this of course if for no other reason then I enjoy existing simply because my mere existence is a insult to a lot of the bigotry and hate in the world. I am about to take it easy and watch a movie with a friend soon so I will not be able to respond to that other thread about the harm being done to AB's in general when they are not allowed to be themselves until tomorrow fyi. I can tell there's a lot of controversy I have not seen yet and I just had a really bad day so I need to take it easy on myself before I go at it just yet. It's not wise of me to talk much in my current state of mind obviously but I should be alright if I just slow down a little.

An aspect of living with a lifelong disability, is that people can be so condescending to us disabled. I am very much like disabled RAF Fighter Pilot, Douglass R. S. Bader, who fought the Battle of Britain in his Hawker Hurricane wearing 2 artificial legs. He disliked people pitying him, and neither do I. RAF "Wing Commander" Bader's call Sign while flying on combat missions was "Dogs Body". After the Battle of Britain, he got shot-down over France in a combat mission and spent the war in a German POW camp, and even the barbaric SS could not break him, a guy with 2 artificial legs!

I did want to mention something about having any form of autism and/or SPD. There is strong correlative evidence that clearly indicates that at least some of the genes that cause autism are also known to cause SPD. You can have either autism or SPD without having both but there is a increased chance of having both as they appear to be caused by the same or similiar genes. The evidence so far has proven this from one of my sources though there is little in the way of specifics regarding this. SPD is a spectrum disorder unto itself just like autism as well but very little is known about it as it is not diagnosed properly most of the time. It is most likely less common then autism but how uncommon or common it is no one really knows from what I have heard from my source(my source is someone who used to be a moderator here on ADISC and has SPD himself. He also is a moderator on a SPD support site which is why he had to step down here on ADISC). If you look at the DSM-5 there is simply very little information on SPD although it is in there I think. That being said the reason why SPD is probably under diagnosed is because of the way it has to be done. SPD involves nothing but Occupational therapy involving a therapist with sensory integration certification(that's right absolutely no medications are involved in treating SPD). What happens is you get evaluated by the therapist who then sends the information to the primary doctor of the patient in question and the primary makes the diagnosis official. It's hard to get a diagnosis for SPD because of the protocols surrounding doing so. This was how I had to do it back in September of last year.

As far as the speaking to disabled adults like children, I think that's false. When I speak to disabled people I put on a more pleasant voice than I would otherwise as I don't know to what extent their disability it (physically or mentally) and I'm not trying to sound mean. Perhaps others do the same when speaking to disabled adults. I assure you for the most part it is being nice, not mean.

I wasn't saying, "Pity disabled folks in public." People need to realize that "abnormal public behavior," isn't necessarily errant. It maybe adaptive, if a touch atypical. Like an Autie (anywhere on the spectrum) flapping his hands in public. Is he hitting himself? Is he pulling hair? Publicly masturbating? Hurting anyone, nope, he's pushing, "sensory reset." Now, what about that autie's behavior warrants a neurotypical saying, "control him! That hand thing's weird! Why's he repeating me?! He needs a spanking!" That same Autie, if sucking aaci:, would be doing the same, resetting, hurting no one. An AB, sucking aaci: should be seen as resetting, calming, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.

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Internet said:

As far as the speaking to disabled adults like children, I think that's false. When I speak to disabled people I put on a more pleasant voice than I would otherwise as I don't know to what extent their disability it (physically or mentally) and I'm not trying to sound mean. Perhaps others do the same when speaking to disabled adults. I assure you for the most part it is being nice, not mean.

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I know, but that's why it's so important to assume competence. because, for all others know, they are competent! If the person shows a lack of understanding, then simplify what you said. Wait until the wheelchair, walker, or crutch user asks or shows they need help, then offer it. Please also know, not being able to talk doesn't mean not having an opinion, or anything to say. It's not an excuse to talk about the person like he or she isn't there, either. That's directed to all, not just you.

Interesting. Never gave it a thought, but I too am disabled. Bipolar, diagnosed when I was almost 50. It probably would never been diagnosed except a suicide attempt landed me in the mental hospital. I wonder how many of us there are compared to "normal" people. This question would make a great poll...

SpAzpieSweeTot said:

I wasn't saying, "Pity disabled folks in public." People need to realize that "abnormal public behavior," isn't necessarily errant. It maybe adaptive, if a touch atypical. Like an Autie (anywhere on the spectrum) flapping his hands in public. Is he hitting himself? Is he pulling hair? Publicly masturbating? Hurting anyone, nope, he's pushing, "sensory reset." Now, what about that autie's behavior warrants a neurotypical saying, "control him! That hand thing's weird! Why's he repeating me?! He needs a spanking!" That same Autie, if sucking aaci:, would be doing the same, resetting, hurting no one. An AB, sucking aaci: should be seen as resetting, calming, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.

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Exactly. I just don't have the ability to put that into words very well because that's what Asperger's does to my communication abilities. I am in a prison of my own mind and society will not let me out of it for simply being myself. People are just afraid of me doing that because there's a fear against pedophiles that is very real in my area because they do live here in compliance of the sex offender registry laws out here. People would mistake me for one of them if I did go out sucking on a aci: and wearing a :sissy: just to enjoy the some hypothetical ice cream in the sun at the park. I might be able to get away with the pacifier if I moved to a better location but we all know the whole :sissy: thing is not going to happen now don't we? All this because of some negative reaction to a standard that has no place in a decent society.


I know there are people who are going to argue that I would do that just so I could get attention which is why I am going ask them all the following question. If I am doing this for attention then why is it I would (in theory) wear a :sissy: while sucking on a aci: in a public situation and would prefer to simply be ignored? The closest thing to a exception to that would involve civilized verbal communication of any kind that has nothing to do with my choice of attire in such a hypothetical situation which would only be needed if socialization was to ever just happen to occur. I would do that because I want to feel more innocent because I constantly use so much of my energy to not feel ashamed (which I have succeeded in doing but only at great cost to myself) for who and what I am or what I have done in order to survive in the past.

I know, but that's why it's so important to assume competence. because, for all others know, they are competent! If the person shows a lack of understanding, then simplify what you said. Wait until the wheelchair, walker, or crutch user asks or shows they need help, then offer it. Please also know, not being able to talk doesn't mean not having an opinion, or anything to say. It's not an excuse to talk about the person like he or she isn't there, either. That's directed to all, not just you.

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Yes I know. Most people forget that I simply communicate poorly usually. I understand things much more clearly then the people who talk to me realize themselves actually. I just can't show it very well at least in a way that is not offensive which is why I sometimes come off as a prick when I talk to people actually. I just do that because I simply lack the ability to talk more gist-fully due to a lot of mental problems. You see my problem is communication skills. I know what I am talking about but I don't know how to talk in the first place usually.

I survived a severe traumatic brain injury, Doctors have since tried to downplay the injury, but I have the scans, I am still high functioning despite my brain damage, they didn't have much high expectations when I laid in the hospital, I was fairly healthy before I fell, had a bit of essential tremors and epilepsy, but they were not big issues and well controlled with meds, even if at least one of the conditions was neurodegenerative, none of that matter compared to the brain injury, waking up in a strange hospital bed, blind in my right eye. It has been a long two years of recovery, I am not who I use to be, I am not sure who I am anymore, my career was such a huge part of my life. Physically I am still weak, I use to be able to do 150 pushups a day, it took me a year to struggle to do 15 in a row, and it hurts after, my neck is fused and fragile, my shoulder was broken and they missed that it was broken for 7 months, my right wrist is still recovering from a break so bad they had to wait a month for the swelling to go down before they could put it in a cast.

I have been testested and spied on, I was eventually rated 50% disabled by workers comp, I still have other lawsuits pending, I stay at home till fall and then I will attempt to finish a degree I dropped out on in 1999. This will take time, not sure where my income will come from, workers comp pays me 800 dollars a month till I am 70, I have some money saved, and expect a large sum from a lawsuit.

I spend time online waiting for life to begin again, I can drive now, which is a huge difference, was stuck at home alone for over a year, the isolation has changed me, I have PTSD and suffer panic attacks at times, I avoid stress and alcohol, I'm almost 38 but feel much older, life expectancy for a good brain injury isn't great, and its more and more likely that I will have dementia, parkinson's, Alzheimer's, CTE.

I don't mean to be so dark, I am scared of the future, I am a mentally damaged person with epilepsy, tremors, and a big love for wearing diapers and a little bit of a bed wetting problem, just what people look for in a mate, I am also bisexual. I use to hate myself, now I am more accepting, even if I die alone, we all die alone in the end anyways.

I do look forward to the challenge of college, I am only taking one or two classes the first semester, small steps, and I am learning the piano in the meantime, I have horrible short term memory so it has gone fast, so far in two months I know the notes to 2 songs but not the chords, it is hard to get both hands to play together.

I was on a pretty good path for my career before I fell, sound engineering is a very competitive field, and I was working with some big names, now physically and mentally I am no longer fit to work in a field I spent 20 years fighting to get anywhere in, and now I am treated much like a child too, my Mom freaks out if I don't answer my phone, and calls me every night. I am impulsive and have poor control of my emotions at times.

The thing is I am still learning what my limits are, just last spring they found out I had a visual tracking problem, it can cause me to have a harder time reading, or to lose balance if I try to walk and shake my head in a no-no pattern.

Ive spent time in rehabs and got to see people that were far worse than me, I was some sort of miracle, a deviation from what statistics and educated guesses by doctors expected, they didn't think I would wake up, walk, talk, or do much of anything other than lay in a bed, partly why the follow up doctors after the hospital failed to give proper attention, my neurologist is pretty much fired, he argued with me about the brain injuries, and was wrong, and he often fills my appointments with his nurse, who is just a nurse, and the appointment time is so far spread out he basically isn't treating me, not sure if he is mad because I refused the antidepressants or the ritalin he offered.

Still haven't had my eye treated properly, only on euro ophthalmologist in my state and he and his staff are horrible people that forgot me for several hours in a waiting room and only realized I was still there when I called the front lobby because I could see the lights dim like they were closing the clinic for the night, they were. I blew up in anger, was only a few months in my recovery and they refused to see me again, to see a doctor I have to travel out of state, very annoying, I let it go and collected on the eye as part of the disability from workers comp.

Still need work done on the eye and I want a good therapist I can talk to, my friends and family are mostly born again extremists literal young earth Bible believers, I don't agree with their beliefs, I don't believe god saved me or that I was blessed, I get annoyed at the notion, I fell in a hole that I should never have fallen into, I see it more like god said watch this and pushed me off the edge and had a good laugh, if god was saving me he wouldn't of pushed me in the hole, and I don't think a god would have a sex, that makes no sense.

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another concern and fear I have is people thinking I am a pedo or attacking me for being bi, I live in a redneck town, I stay away from places where I might get attacked, carry a huge stun baton on dog walks, the thing is, it would only take trauma to the head to kill me or leave me far worse off, I saw the people in rehab that had been shot in the head or had tire irons takin to the back of their skulls. Seen adult taken to the potty like children, it was a nightmare, and I never want another head injury. It is truly an invisible injury except for my eye patch.

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my head fill like some one sketched the Mona Lisa on an Etcha-Sketch, and then shook it up and erased most of the image

I have Cerebral Palsy all my life and wear diapers. Now in my 50s I also have tingling all over my body. People often talk to me as if I am little. They come to me and say things like "I am going to check if your diaper is wet" and "let go change your diaper".