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Thread: Mom opened my mail, now I have to explain.

  1. #1

    Default Mom opened my mail, now I have to explain.

    So, this morning I was woken up by the voice of my mother, asking me questions about adult-sized baby clothes. Apparantly she had opened my mail and found a baby-tee and some baby-styled pants, and then found more in my room after a quick search through my drawers. (She's never so invasive, so I haven't been too careful in my hiding places.)

    This morning I just told her to "leave it alone", that it was something she didn't want to talk about. And so she left, but now I have no idea what to say. :/ I feel like I owe her an explanation, especially if she's now going to be opening my mail.

  2. #2

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    I would say she's the one who owes an expalantion opening your mail. If she's willing to leave it be, I'd let her. She will likely think twice before opening your mail again but you might want to test first.

    If she does want to talk further, that's your call. To me, it's private outside of those who are into it or will participate and I have no desire to discuss it.

  3. #3

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    I agree with Trevor, she does owe you an explanation. Even though opening other people's mail is a federal offence, the real offence is the problem of trust.

    I'd say that you might have been better off with "I don't want to talk about it," rather than, "she wouldn't want to about it," simply because it makes it sound like you are telling her that she should be frightened or ashamed.

    I can understand the feeling of worry when you are starting to question if you should talk to her about it, namely because you don't want her dreaming up scenarios that are way out of proportion.

    Id say that if you really feel concerned about talking to her about this, probably the best start, and most that you will want to go to, is to say, "Mom, I said you wouldn't want to talk about it, namely because I don't want to talk about it. The subject that you brought up is very personal to me, it is hard for others to understand, and I don't want to be hurt by your misunderstanding. I can promise you that there is nothing that you have to be concerned with, and that my mail is actually a very normal thing to have ordered. I think the real issue that we have here is a problem of trust. I am a bit sad that you would open my mail and look at what I ordered, but i'm willing to look past it if you are willing to trust me when i say, there is nothing that you need to worry about."

    If you can leave it at that, you might be able to get away without much more conversation or thought.

  4. #4

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    I agree with Trevor to leave it be if she accepted not discussing it. Is there a reason she opened your mail in the first place? That's normally an invasion of privacy.

  5. #5

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    Well, after a very stressful afternoon I had some time to think while she was out, and we did finally sit down and talk. She had a few questions. (Was I sick? Am I a sicko?) I think for the most part I've assured her;

    1) I don't hate this part of myself.
    2) It's not a phase.
    3) It's not new.
    4) It has nothing to do with her, or with kids.

    I asked her to please not open my mail again. She agreed to that. (She swears she thought it was her mail and that it was a mistake) I asked her not to talk to other people about this. She agreed as well. I think she still thinks if I talked to a shrink I would be "fixed" and that some inner problem is causing this, but I assured her that I was perfectly happy and I have support groups to talk with about my problems.

    Things are a little awkward but at least now things have been dealt with. I referred her to Understanding Infantilism if she wanted to look into it, and let her know if she had any more concerns I would address them.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    I would say she's the one who owes an expalantion opening your mail. If she's willing to leave it be, I'd let her. She will likely think twice before opening your mail again but you might want to test first.

    If she does want to talk further, that's your call. To me, it's private outside of those who are into it or will participate and I have no desire to discuss it.
    I-I might as well agree with Trevor if everyone else is going to agree with him ^^ Because ya know, Cary Grant and all

    As for the OP, glad things went well for you.

  7. #7

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    Glad it turned out OK, but in case you feel any guilt about being pissed...

    Opening someone else's mail is a felony...

    Not that you would turn her in of course, its just that level of invasion is considered a pretty big deal by just about everybody.

    I won't open mail addressed to my wife on principle.

    Consider the 4th amendment to the U.S. Constitution. Your mom isn't the government, so it doesn't apply, but it does remind one of the serious nature of the right to privacy.

    Amendment IV

    The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

  8. #8

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    I'll take my mom's word for it that it was simply a mistake that she opened my mail. She recieves similarly-shaped packages from time to time, I can see her just opening it without thinking.

    Either way, She will think twice - I don't think she's interested in seeing any more of my personal things.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rai004 View Post
    I'll take my mom's word for it that it was simply a mistake that she opened my mail. She recieves similarly-shaped packages from time to time, I can see her just opening it without thinking.

    Either way, She will think twice - I don't think she's interested in seeing any more of my personal things.
    Glad to hear it was an honest mistake that way. Back shortly after I moved out, I'd still get mail at home and my mom wouldn't open it even when I asked her to with specific items. It could be a bit troublesome but I appreciated her concern for my privacy.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Snivy View Post
    I-I might as well agree with Trevor if everyone else is going to agree with him ^^ Because ya know, Cary Grant and all
    I know right? Cary Grant is awesome, and i'm pretty sure that the picture comes from Arsenic and Old lace, which is one of my favorite movies, it is hilarious.

    As for the op, it sounds like it went the best that it could. Too bad that she thinks that therapy would help, but at least she isn't pressing it and spreading the info. A lot of people would think that AB/DL'sm warrants therapy except for therapists who are actually good at what they do. Your mom's suggestion isn't uncommon, but her reaction was really quite good when compared to others.

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