My niece who is nearly 14 is coming to stay for a week whom is a bed wetter see more below

My G Niece whom is coming in the summer holidays to stay for a week however
her Mum has informed me that she has taken off her plastic sheet on her bed at home and will not have it on as she says it is un comfortable so has ruined her mattress on her bed . Apparently she has worn Tena Ladies protection to bed while on holiday in a hotel but My wife and I are worried she will ruin our brand new spare bed I don't think she would wear a nappy and plastic pants to bed!. so we are stumped as to what are these Tena Ladies things are ! even my wife don't know! I know that there are pull up's and Pj pants for up to 15 yr olds but have been told that they leak ! she is actually nearly 14 and have been told weighs 97lbs I don't see her often so don't know what size plastic pants to get her as even if she would wear them?and her bed wetting is getting less and is down to about twice a week according to her mum ! but it is the un predictability of will she wet ?she asked us if she could come and stay as we live near London! UK .
and want's us to take her up to see the sights of London!...lol can anyone advise us? or suggestions Please as we are at a loss what to do your suggestions would be most valuable and thanks in anticipation!

First of all, welcome to the site. Please take a moment and introduce yourself here: New Members

As for your predicament, since it's your house tell your niece that she must abide by your house rules and wear "protection" of some kind just in case she has an accident. Like you said, there are many products on the market including adult pull ups and diapers. At 97 lbs, she probably wears a small size.

You can get mattress protectors that are cloth covered and are much less noticeable. I'd just consider this a minimal precaution, and one that is non-negotiable. I think the rest is up to her parents. You can revisit any other actions if there actually is an accident on your protected bed.

Trevor are you on about the Terry mattress covers you can get in John Lewis?they do a single one for £25?
your help in this is much appreciated or are you on about a different type that don't rustle and hardly noticeable when You said Linen is that what you meant the Terry Toweling type? I am in the UK not USA to be honest I don't think if she had an accident that she would wear plastic pants and a nappy as she would probably find it babyish and to be honest I don't know what her parents would say!. I will have to discuss it with her mum and see what she has to say? as you said it is our house if she wants to come then she has to abide by our rules obviously they have to be reasonable rules!...the way I think I would tackle things is by saying to her or getting my wife to say to her that she is old enough to take charge of her own personal care and wetting the bed needs to be taken care of and in this home we have a comfortable sheet on the bed and she should need to wear something as a precaution so as should she wet she sleeps in a dry bed! do you think that might work?

sapphire said:

Trevor are you on about the Terry mattress covers you can get in John Lewis?they do a single one for £25?
your help in this is much appreciated or are you on about a different type that don't rustle and hardly noticeable when You said Linen is that what you meant the Terry Toweling type? I am in the UK not USA to be honest I don't think if she had an accident that she would wear plastic pants and a nappy as she would probably find it babyish and to be honest I don't know what her parents would say!. I will have to discuss it with her mum and see what she has to say? as you said it is our house if she wants to come then she has to abide by our rules obviously they have to be reasonable rules!...the way I think I would tackle things is by saying to her or getting my wife to say to her that she is old enough to take charge of her own personal care and wetting the bed needs to be taken care of and in this home we have a comfortable sheet on the bed and she should need to wear something as a precaution so as should she wet she sleeps in a dry bed! do you think that might work?

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I wasn't thinking about any specific product but that sounds about right. I prefer a vinyl mattress protector for my own purposes but I prefer to know it's there. People here have sworn by the cloth protectors as well, so I don't think vinyl is required. As I said, I think you can take reasonable measures on your own property but I'd leave the question of diapers or similar protection to her parents. If you get a protector and she doesn't have any accidents, it's all to the good. If she does, you can talk with her parents about any other necessary steps.

Theres an IKEA GoKart waterproof cover I found ebay polyester cotten
Polyurethane layer 15.00 GBP mite be the one you will like .
I searched matterss waterproof cover UK
I hope this helps

I have one of those cloth mattress protectors on our bed and it works well. There is no crinkle as the plastic is either on the inside or the side that goes against the mattress. As others have said, I would be rigid on this matter. If she has a problem with something that you can't tell is there, then there must be bigger emotional problems.

You can take a mattress protector and put it on then cover it with a quilted mattress cover.

I have done this for years and its almost imposable to tell there is a protector there.

Where i live we get bugs like carpet beetles and you have other pest like mites and bugs that take up homes in mattresses.

Every time i have bought a new mattress i put a zip on mattress protector and use a quilted mattress cover over that.

then i just wash the quilted mattress cover every couple weeks.

A few years back i lived in a apartment and found out the apartment complex was infested with bed bugs.

Everyone in the complex had to throw out there mattresses but me because mine was covered and by just wrapping mine in black plastic and putting it out in the hot desert sun just in case. i had no bedbugs in it.

Thank you all for your input it is a delicate matter as I don't want to frighten the poor girl as she has enough to contend with thankfully the wetting is diminishing and getting less and less my niece (her mum) tells me the GP has said that their is no medical problems as they have done all the necessary tests and all is ok it's just a case of late bladder maturity! . I would agree about the nappy and plastic pants as she has never worn these since a baby and yes the mattress cover is a excellent idea I feel the Terry type waterproof cover would be far more comfortable. Than the vinyl one and less conspicuous I feel that putting a quilted one on top is an excellent idea to thank you all once again

Just avoid the whole conversation. Get a cheap, possibly second hand mattress from freecycle or ebay, use that, then get rid of it afterwards. Hide your new one for the time being.

Any sort of protection conversation is likely to embarrass.

Re: mattress

Overnight said:

Just avoid the whole conversation. Get a cheap, possibly second hand mattress from freecycle or ebay, use that, then get rid of it afterwards. Hide your new one for the time being.

Any sort of protection conversation is likely to embarrass.

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I agree it might embaress her! but getting another mattress second hand to throw away I am sorry could have bed bugs in ! and I don't want my niece to have bed bugs crawling over her sorry that is out of the question ....lol:sad:

sapphire said:

I agree it might embaress her! but getting another mattress second hand to throw away I am sorry could have bed bugs in ! and I don't want my niece to have bed bugs crawling over her sorry that is out of the question ....lol:sad:

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Fair enough, but in my opinion any talk of it would be inappropriate unless it's triggered by her. All this talk of laying down house rules and stuff..!

Some things hurt much more than a wet mattress.

How about putting a good quality mattress protector on, then one or two normal sheets on top to help hide it? Don't mention anything and if in the unlikely event that she brings it up, maybe say that it came with the mattress and act a bit dumb? I'm not implying your niece is not smart enough to work it out but if she doesn't notice the mattress protector then that might work. And if worst comes to worst and you have to discuss it, have you considered maybe telling her that you had the same issue? I don't know whether you had that issue or not but it might make her feel better. Thats what I would do anyway. Good luck. I hope you avoid any embarrassing situations

If this has been going on for a few years - after all she is 14 - then it is time to stop hurting feelings and handle this with adult aplomb.
The bed will have a plastic (waterproof) cover that will prevent intrusion of urine to the interior. On top of that can be washable/expendable
sheets of any number of thickness to contain the urine until laundering. The issue of whether diapers (nappies) should be worn work it
out after the first few nights of sleeping on the protected bed. Simply put it might be better to wear the diapers and if not used reuse the
next night and of course if used dispose of. A frank discussion between the parties would be in order - and stop the fuss of embarrassment
- the 14 year old is going to have to face the world sometime better to have it done in the comfort of a loving family !
If this seems like a harsh way to handle the situation - further enabling it is not a solution and discussion need go no further than the family !

babylock1 said:

If this has been going on for a few years - after all she is 14 - then it is time to stop hurting feelings and handle this with adult aplomb.
The bed will have a plastic (waterproof) cover that will prevent intrusion of urine to the interior. On top of that can be washable/expendable
sheets of any number of thickness to contain the urine until laundering. The issue of whether diapers (nappies) should be worn work it
out after the first few nights of sleeping on the protected bed. Simply put it might be better to wear the diapers and if not used reuse the
next night and of course if used dispose of. A frank discussion between the parties would be in order - and stop the fuss of embarrassment
- the 14 year old is going to have to face the world sometime better to have it done in the comfort of a loving family !
If this seems like a harsh way to handle the situation - further enabling it is not a solution and discussion need go no further than the family !

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Everybody has different ways of dealing with things and opinions and I respect you for voicing yours as it's good to have a mixture of opinions on a post like this so that the OP can take various opinions into consideration. Anyway as you have said, what may seem "like a harsh way to handle the situation," to me, feels like it could be a bit too harsh. I don't know the persons in question personally but I think that the mindset of a 14 year old girl, who is most likely adjusting to new physical changes and bodily chemical imbalances at this point in her life, added with the potentially cruel pressures of secondary school, is going to be a far cry from somebody who has the guts to try to understand themselves and sign up to a site like this.

Also from what has been said, the issue is declining, so a softer approach isn't necessarily masking or prolonging a 'definite' inevitable. To me it sounds as though the likelihood is that she is growing out of it and could do with less attention being dawn to the situation. A more harsh approach could even prolong the issue through stress and embarrassment. It's not easy being 14, as I'm sure you remember. You're still learning and discovering yourself whilst growing up and learning so much about life.

I think a tough approach is a bad idea in this instance. I think a more discreet or subtle approach would be the safest first resort. And if all else fails then maybe a tougher approach could be carefully considered.

bohemian85 said:

Everybody has different ways of dealing with things and opinions and I respect you for voicing yours as it's good to have a mixture of opinions on a post like this so that the OP can take various opinions into consideration. Anyway as you have said, what may seem "like a harsh way to handle the situation," to me, feels like it could be a bit too harsh. I don't know the persons in question personally but I think that the mindset of a 14 year old girl, who is most likely adjusting to new physical changes and bodily chemical imbalances at this point in her life, added with the potentially cruel pressures of secondary school, is going to be a far cry from somebody who has the guts to try to understand themselves and sign up to a site like this.

Also from what has been said, the issue is declining, so a softer approach isn't necessarily masking or prolonging a 'definite' inevitable. To me it sounds as though the likelihood is that she is growing out of it and could do with less attention being dawn to the situation. A more harsh approach could even prolong the issue through stress and embarrassment. It's not easy being 14, as I'm sure you remember. You're still learning and discovering yourself whilst growing up and learning so much about life.

I think a tough approach is a bad idea in this instance. I think a more discreet or subtle approach would be the safest first resort. And if all else fails then maybe a tougher approach could be carefully considered.

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Your on the right track here its not easy being the kid that cant keep dry .
My parents did force me into diapers I'm still living with the repercussions of what was done.
She's growing out of it so no need to take the hard core stance.
She hates it I'm shure and cant wait to be out of this problem.
Thanks to the Op for being kind .

foxkits said:

Theres an IKEA GoKart waterproof cover I found ebay polyester cotten
Polyurethane layer 15.00 GBP mite be the one you will like .
I searched matterss waterproof cover UK
I hope this helps

Click to expand...

The IKEA waterproof sheets are excellent. They last about a year too which is good compared to the plastic kind. They do need to be washed rather than wiped down though.

It can be too easy to see bed wetting as a problem and many contributors here know what it is like to be humiliated by well meaning (or otherwise) significant adults who make a big thing of a developmental difficulty. A well protected mattress and maybe a disposable bed pad (Tena ones work well) should reduce any wet nights to a easily managed situation that need not stress anybody. When I was young a wet bed meant a lot of hand washing and sheets drying in front of the fire if it was a rainy day. In our house its just a case of throwing sheets and nightwear into the washer and tumble drying in time for bedtime.

Being wet in someone else's bed is always a added difficulty and this together with the unfamiliar circumstances can make you more likely to pee in your sleep. Having a relaxed attitude and conveying a "the beds safe and it's no big deal" attitude is likely to assist a visitor who might also be happier being shown how to use the washer and being encouraged to put her wet things init herself with other people out of the way.

Young people with any kind of personal difficulty can appear to be surly or insolent. Adults need to be careful not to take this at face value because a defensive reaction can further undermine fragile "self worth" and make matters worse.

One practical point that does not seem to have been made here is that duvets can suffer as well as mattresses. Waterproof covers are expensive and for anatomical reasons I think males tend to stain the top cover more. Happily some duvets are cheap and it could be worth investing in an inexpensive one if the usual one is high tog and costly to replace.