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Thread: Soulmates?

  1. #1

    Default Soulmates?

    Do you believe that everyone has a soulmate, or do you feel that there's a range of people who one can find a happy relationship with, and that there isn't one person out there who can complete you, and vice-versa?

    I was always sceptical of the idea of a soulmate, because of the cultural, intellectual and upbringing differences people have; in short, I felt that external factors stop people from finding someone whose brain almost connects with their own. However, my brother and sister-in-law have a kind of relationship where they seem to always be innately in tune with the other's thoughts, and to have almost identical interests, views and temperaments. They seem like two sides of the same person, and knowing them well, it doesn't seem like any of that is artificial. Thus, I would now say my view on the existence of a soulmate is more receptive of the fact they may exist.

    So, fellow ADISCers? Do soulmates exist? If so, does everyone have one out there? Or is the whole concept just romanticised nonsense?

  2. #2

  3. #3

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    I think it's possible but unlikely and since people change, any soulmate situation is also subject to change. I don't think this precludes a range of people that any given person could be happy with in many different ways. Like most things, it's a continuum. You can wait for what you think is "perfect" or find perfection in what presents itself.

  4. #4

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    The angels told a group of us our soul mate is on the other side helping while we are on earth.
    But there are ones we are to meet and be with preplaned.
    Those people feel are soul mates.

  5. #5

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    This:



    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    I think it's possible but unlikely and since people change, any soulmate situation is also subject to change. I don't think this precludes a range of people that any given person could be happy with in many different ways. Like most things, it's a continuum. You can wait for what you think is "perfect" or find perfection in what presents itself.
    Sometimes an unlikely seeming partnership works because both parties make an effort to leverage their different strengths. Sometimes the same thing is a disaster.

    I think it depends more on the attitudes of the people involved. Two glass-half-full people are more likely to be happy together than two glass-half-empty.

    I'm grateful that my wife really likes some tasks that I detest, and vice versa.

  6. #6

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    I believe that I'm with my soulmate now. But... maybe he's not the only one I could have been happy with? I think there's a range of folk for everyone, and depending on everyones attitudes and the way in which they behave towards each other depends on whether it'll work out long term now!

  7. #7

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    It's a range - it's romantic to think that there's only one out there, but people have a strange tendency to end up with people they live and work around rather than most of the other 7 billion people that they do not. Sometimes, people even find new mates late in life after their first passes away. Humanity, as well as the substantial part of Animalia that mates for life somehow tends towards long-term bonds without meeting most other potential mates, which would seem odd if there were only one in the world for all of them and odder still considering "souls" are often not ascribed to many species with similar patterns of behavior to humans.

    I think people can fall in love for a range of people. I think they can stay in love for a long time with a much smaller subset of that, and the human condition then imprints a strong degree of permanence on relationships which get that far.

    Once you find that one, it certainly seems that this person is the only person it ever could have been. I would say it's more likely it could have originally been at least a relatively small number of other people, but it became one person when you met that one person.

  8. #8

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    Do I believe that there is just one person who is born PERFECT for you and you are destined to be together? No.. it sounds happy but no.

    But I think you can love with all your heart, I think you can love someone so much it feels like that. I think that in the world out there, there is lots of people who could love you with all their heart and you the same. So I think it's even better then that. Rather then one, I think there is numerous people out there that would fit you just perfectly! Just without all the destiny soulmate stuff. Like someone else said kinda, someone could be perfect for you one day and not so perfect the next, but there will always be another person who could be perfect around the corner!

    (When I say perfect, I don't mean perfect. All relationships have moments of friction. I mean perfect in the sense that you'll be happy you married them even in the times of friction kinda thing.)

  9. #9

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    I think the idea of a soulmate is flawed to the point of being actively harmful.

    Others have already said most of it well. I believe there's a wide range of people that are suitable mates. Consider: Real estate, i.e. a home, is something often deemed to offer such emotional connection to its owners/occupants that there is no suitable substitute for many people's homes. Realistically, though, pretty much every piece of real estate can be adequately substituted by another. It's not too hard to find one that hits the basic quantitative points (square footage, number of bedrooms, etc.). It's not too hard to find one that has similar quality finishes (especially if preference is for newer modern finishes). Even location can be substituted in most cases (30 minutes from work, in this part of town, large yard, near a woods, whatever). The real estate, then, is not so much in the details. It's what we make of it. It's what memories we make there with those we love.

    And so it is with mates. I don't mean to suggest that mates are so insignificant as to considered on par with real estate! What I do mean to suggest, though, is that a lot of what goes into a person is not unique. Looking at basic quantitative points, there are plenty of men that are of whatever height range you're after, in various states of physical fitness, even of a certain... size. There are plenty of sci-fi fans, cyclists, gym rats, sports fans, smart guys, gamers, gay guys, straight guys, whatever. Even personality can be substituted in most cases (down to earth, good with kids, loves pets, yells at the TV or throws the game controller, etc.).

    A mate obviously has to be compatible, but even the most compatible people won't remain together without something more than some common interests or the right combination of physical attributes. No, a relationship is not so much in the details. It's what we make of it. It's what memories we make with the one or ones we love.

    So I find the idea of a soulmate harmful. I think it sets people up for disappointment. It sets an idealized romanticized notion of what a relationship should look like, and people spend their entire lives looking for it. They pass up suitable mates. They treat the mates they find poorly when those mates fail to live up to their idealized romanticized standards. They live big chunks of their lives unhappy because they think there's only one person out there that they must find to be happy.

    And that just ain't true.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by GoldDragonAurkarm View Post
    I think the idea of a soulmate is flawed to the point of being actively harmful. [...]


    You wont see me reply this way often... perhaps I should've done a plus rep...

    Is goot!
    -Marka

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