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Thread: Polygamy

  1. #1

    Default Polygamy

    In an era where more non-traditional ideas and concepts about sexuality and relationships are (gradually) becoming more socially accepted, Polygamy is still illegal in many countries, and is considered by people of varied religious, political and social persuasions to be an immoral thing.

    I feel that, provided everyone is happy with their role and position within a relationship, then men (or women) should be allowed to have multiple spouses, if everyone directly involved consents to the situation and has no qualms with the arrangement as a whole.

    However, I also understand why Polygamy has such a stigma. It's been used in the past as a justification for individuals who collect many wives (or in some cases, husbands) and neglect them or simply marry as many people as they can as some form of status symbol. Some people also feel that the intimacy of a marriage is devalued, if you're not the one and only spouse of your husband/wife.

    So, how do fellow ADISCers feel about Polygamy as a practice and a concept?

  2. #2

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    Me and my partner have considered this sort of arrangement before. I kinda really like the idea of it. You share your love with more then one person and make a whole big happy family! My attempts have worked out well enough, I just tended to find that I just wasn't all that interested in the guy after a while. Just kinda like normal dating, but it's a little more complicated because you're already attached going in. I definitely don't think it would work with just one person involved with many people. I feel like everyone's going to be involved with each other! Everyone just needs to be open and honest with how they are feeling, what they want, and etc.

    I imagine the biggest thing that I could honestly be concerned about is all the legal issues I suppose this arises. Legal marriages and all.. you probably could only get legally married to one person just because of all the benefits and all that or something. That's where it starts getting iffy when you add more then one person I figure. But just as a "Oh, this is functionally how it is.." I have no problem with it. I even think it sounds really sweet and lovely if you can manage to do the kinda thing I talked about.
    Last edited by gigglemuffinz; 07-Jan-2015 at 19:32. Reason: Massive edit~

  3. #3

  4. #4

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    Legal polygamy would be the recognition of a person's right to have multiple spouses. Since we can no longer discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation this group could be all one gender or the other, or any combination of both. It would have to be determined if legal polygamy requires a head of household that all the other "spouses" would be married to. If that would be the case then it would have to be determined what the rights and obligations of the head of household are as well as what the rights and obligations of the spouses are. If everyone has equal rights then there is no way to distinguish a polygamous marriage from any group of people who want to claim to be married.

    Parental rights, family health insurance, taxes, inheritance, and social security issues (in the U.S.) would create legal and financial nightmares. The legalities could be dealt with if there was some basic agreement that polygamy is acceptable on moral grounds, but how likely is that to happen?

    I don't think polygamy will ever fly in western civilization.

  5. #5

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    As a concept, I'm fine with it. Generally I'm fine with things between consenting adults. If no one's being hurt, and everyone consents, then I see no problem. Since I have no experience, I can't really speak to the practice. It seems like it'd be rife with jealousy, hurt feelings, and at least some members of the relationship being treated poorer than the others. But, if all parties can make it work, then I say more power to them. Personally, I don't imagine it being for me, but like I said, if it works for someone else, good for them.

  6. #6

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    I am polyamorous... in the way that I am open to dating more than one person at one time. However I cannot ever see myself with more than one intimate partner.

    I however do not condone polygamy. I have literally never seen polygamous relationships that didn't end in abuse.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by JewelSparkles View Post
    I am polyamorous... in the way that I am open to dating more than one person at one time. However I cannot ever see myself with more than one intimate partner.

    I however do not condone polygamy. I have literally never seen polygamous relationships that didn't end in abuse.
    I don't think there is anything specific about polygamy that leads to abuse. I think that it's important that we remember that correlation does not imply causation. I feel like holding to feelings like this has caused plenty of issues in the past and will always continue to do so. There will always be exceptions to any rule, and sometimes they are pretty common.. but people have got stuck on a thing. Being careful is always important but.. yeah. Correlation does not imply causation.

    The man who created Wonder Woman, William Moulton Marston lived in what was basically a non-legal polygamous relationship that seems to from everything I read have worked out for them. After he died the two women continued to live together and support each other.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maxx View Post
    I can't even imagine. One is more than I can deal with.
    This is one that it is up to the individuals involved, but in my case can only handle the one messing with my mind.

    The problem that I has is we made a clone of my wife and she drives me as crazy as here mother.

    But I did start it by help make a clone of me and we do a good job of driving his mother crazy.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Arietta View Post
    I don't think there is anything specific about polygamy that leads to abuse. I think that it's important that we remember that correlation does not imply causation. I feel like holding to feelings like this has caused plenty of issues in the past and will always continue to do so. There will always be exceptions to any rule, and sometimes they are pretty common.. but people have got stuck on a thing. Being careful is always important but.. yeah. Correlation does not imply causation.

    The man who created Wonder Woman, William Moulton Marston lived in what was basically a non-legal polygamous relationship that seems to from everything I read have worked out for them. After he died the two women continued to live together and support each other.
    If it worked that's fine but that doesn't mean I'll condone it or anything.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Drifter View Post
    Parental rights, family health insurance, taxes, inheritance, and social security issues (in the U.S.) would create legal and financial nightmares. The legalities could be dealt with if there was some basic agreement that polygamy is acceptable on moral grounds, but how likely is that to happen?
    This is the big reason why slippery slope arguments about gay marriage leading to things like polygamy never made sense - there are really big substantive differences between extending the existing rights of marriage to any two consenting adults and extending them to more than two people, since they're all written with two people in mind.

    Some of these rules/rights become nonsensical if you try to apply them to more than two people. Some of them extend substantial taxpayer-funded benefits upon spouses, and without changes would amount to disproportionate giveaways. It also creates incentives to marry lots of people without necessarily having committed relationships, because you get any financial benefits without ceding your ability to marry more people down the road.

    Also, want to make a conservative squirm? Strike up a conversation asking how many green cards someone could get for their foreign friends if polygamy were legal.





    Quote Originally Posted by JewelSparkles View Post
    I however do not condone polygamy. I have literally never seen polygamous relationships that didn't end in abuse.
    This is the more controversial elephant in the room. The same question that same-sex marriage opponents raise about whether or not same-sex marriage is something that we want to "encourage" may actually be a meaningful question with respect to marriages with more than 2 people, and generate a very different answer.

    A committed relationship is hard and complicated among two people; adding more people increases the complexity rapidly because there are X!/(2(X!-2)!) combinations of people who need to maintain that level of commitment to each other. Until death do them part. (Whereupon the probate issues could get messy because of the point above about legal rules governing marriage being nonsensical when applied to more than 2 people). The relative unlikelihood of large networks of relationships staying stable and committed raises valid points as to whether this is something society wants to give any benefits towards if a household is built as such.

    Certainly, it begs the question of, "How many people is too many before it's impractical time-wise for a truly committed relationship to exist rather than just something that behaves like a commune (and/or a cult)?" We don't marry communes together and give them all social security survivor benefits when one member dies.








    Ultimately, to allow any kind of polyamorous or polygamous relationships to be formally established, you couldn't simply extend the rights of existing marriage to more people. You'd have to write a new legal framework for it and answer tough questions about what size they can be and which benefits afforded to marriage make sense to extend to more than 2 people.

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