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Thread: Does this mean I'm a guy, or a girl?

  1. #1

    Default Does this mean I'm a guy, or a girl?

    When not in little space (where I'm definitely a girl) I often get this distinctive feeling that I'm a guy who wants to be a girl. Except I'm already biologically female. It's kind of a feeling of "struggling with being feminine because I'm a guy" but also a "longing to be more effeminate"...?

    It's a really confusing feeling. Help!

  2. #2

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    Gender isn't black and white, left or right, one or the other, it's not a switch like on or off, it's not binary at all. It's very possible you're both, but only you can decide that, if you're not sure which you are inside that's fine, so why not both? You don't have to be just one and that's it, you aren't locked to one or the other.

  3. #3

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    Addy, I'm aware of that, but I'm not sure what gender I am when I'm having those feelings. It's very confusing to feel like you want to be a female when you're already female!

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by FeekaDimension View Post
    Addy, I'm aware of that, but I'm not sure what gender I am when I'm having those feelings. It's very confusing to feel like you want to be a female when you're already female!
    Well I have a idea. I am by no means a expert at these things. In fact I don't see myself as knowing much of anything at all when it comes to gender issues. What I can say is this. Obviously your somehow uncomfortable when your confused about your gender at moments like that correct? Well how about trying something new privately on your own that you have never done before to try to see if you can make yourself feel more girly when you want to feel that way? Just experiment in a way that hurts neither yourself or anyone else and I suspect you will eventually find a solution to the issue. This will lead to the question on how do you go about doing that? Like I said I am no expert and I don't know as that is a personal choice on your part and I am not particularly knowledgeable on this subject but someone who is reading this post can sure help with that question right? I will contact several friends who I think could help and see what they know.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by FeekaDimension View Post
    When not in little space (where I'm definitely a girl) I often get this distinctive feeling that I'm a guy who wants to be a girl. Except I'm already biologically female. It's kind of a feeling of "struggling with being feminine because I'm a guy" but also a "longing to be more effeminate"...?

    It's a really confusing feeling. Help!
    Okay.

    It is a lot to unpack. As a trans girl I hope I can try to help with this. My first question kinda is.. Have you had problems before as an adult being accepted as a girl? Perhaps at sometimes being teased and/or mocked for not seeming being girly enough? Have you felt like the world looks at you and sees this ugly person that 'might as well be a man'? Have you been mistaken as a man on a common basis?

    When you find yourself looking in the mirror how do you feel about what you see? I would think you could look at yourself remind yourself that you are indeed a woman. That you don't need to feel out of place in your skin because you've.. already got everything, you know? But maybe you have a lot you wish you could change, stuff that you wish you could have differently to feel more feminine? I totally understand this desire and it's most certainly valid. It's not the same has having nothing and just wanting something at all, but it's equally valid.

    I imagine that a lot of these things at least could create at least similar feelings in a woman that a trans woman feels. If this is something you legitimately are feeling, maybe you should try to "girly" yourself up a bit. Wear more feminine clothing for a bit, maybe use some more makeup, do things to make yourself feel pretty. I don't want you to have to feel like a guy who wants to be a girl, it's not a feeling I would wish on anyone.

  6. #6

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    Hey Feeka - maybe you are sort of on a gender spectrum, if you would. Maybe when you're living your day to day life you're more in the middle between male and female. Let's call male 1 and female 10, and you're be at 5. Just a guess. Maybe you're actually a 6, or a 7. Then when you are little, you have some kind of ideal of what "little girl" means - a schema - a stereotype - and you want to head more towards a 9 or a 10. This is similar to me in many ways. When I'm living my daily life I am probably around a 5-6 on our imaginary spectrum (it may be more complicated than linear, even, you know?) When I'm little I can go anywhere. Sometimes I want to be a 8-9, sometimes I want to be a 2 or 3. It is almost completely based on my mood and feelings that day. However, I don't find it far-fetched at all that perhaps you go back to a similar 'number' when little and when your day-to-day self.

    Does this resonate at all with you?

    I want to add that most ABs work on schemas (or stereotypes, or ideals). For example, most of us don't return exactly to how it was in our chiildhood, instead seeking either ideals, or cultural ideals of what childhood should be. I know someone who was raised on cloth diapers but has a cultural ideal that it should be plastic, so he always picks plastic backed diapers when little. I also know many people including myself who did not have great childhoods but when going little are very content and happy and want to roleplay in a safe environment and headspace. So a lot of being AB is based on ideas of how things should be, rather than based on facts. It makes sense to me that attempting to be the ideal of a little girl rather than the complicated reality of a real life child (or your own child-self) would be more appealing, easier, and more suited to our pattern-seeking brains.

  7. #7

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    I'm starting to think maybe I'm an effeminate guy? I'm still just getting over the whole "feminine = weak" stigma...

    I've started to go by "Andy" on other sites just to try it out.

    I still don't know, I feel so confused about this!

  8. #8

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    Last edited by kikee; 11-Jan-2015 at 03:37.

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