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Thread: COMING OUT: help

  1. #1

    Default COMING OUT: help

    I know we see a lot of these posts frequently around here, but this time around I could really use some advice.

    For the first time in my life I finally feel true conditional love. You see, I outed myself as a DL to my parents before I even knew anything about ABDL (amazing what you can find on the internet). Since then I never felt complete acceaptance with this looming over my head. Don't get me wrong I love my parents, we have a fantastic relationship but it's just one of those things I wish I could have taken back as a kid and kept to myself.

    Currently I'm engaged to an amazing girl who has aceapted me as an ABDL and even went as far to allow me to call her Mommy. I couldn't be more thrilled. She plays along and we have formed a bond unlike anything I've ever felt before.

    Here's the dilemma...I am going to admit I'm a coward. For some reason I can't bring myself to openly talk to her about a sissy lifestyle. I've spilled the beans about the diaper chastity, breastfeeding, babytalk etc but I'm terrified to even dance around the topic of becoming a sissy. This is something I've never discussed with anyone before, and I'm afraid by even broaching the subject it could be the straw that broke the camels back.

    I thought maybe if she found out through a third party like my tumblr, pinterest, or ADISC profile that maybe it would provide some sort of common ground to openly talk about the subject. However, sometimes I doubt she ever checks these sites. She's told me point blank before she never logs onto them so this could all just be wasted effort.

    What do you all think I should do? Should I continue to open up here online, and hope maybe she puts the pieces together and it sparks a discussion? Or should I just bite the bullet and bring it up in conversation?

    Should I just repress any of those thoughts and feelings and keep them to myself all together? Helllllllllllllllllllllp :/

  2. #2


    Aw, that's a tough situation, and I'm sorry you're stuck in it.

    If you plan on doing sissy things, I think you should tell your fiancee. You'd either have to take her clothes (which I don't recommend; it's not hygenic and goes against her privacy) or have your own hidden somewhere, and risk her finding them. And it's better to tell her than to get caught.

    The good news is that she's obviously open minded if she accepts your ABDL side and participates. It sounds like she's OK with you doing unusual things. So I think the solution is to tell her that you like it, while making it clear that it's up to her if she wants to participate or not. She sounds very accepting, but she may simply not be interested in sissy play. But based on what you've told us, I'd be surprised if she wouldn't at least accept you having these interests and practicing them in private. You know her best, but based on your description, she sounds like she'd be accepting.

    I would bring it up by asking about her needs first. Ask her if she's satisfied with sex/regression/however you classify yourself. By listening to her needs first, you're making it clear that you care about her, and aren't just taking. She may well be happy; she may want to try something new herself. Be accepting and kind, and support her even if you're unwilling to participate (this is just being an accepting partner, of course). Then let her know about your sissy interests. Tell her what you would like to do, and ask if she'd be OK with participating - while making it clear that you're OK with doing it yourself if she's uncomfortable.

    Honestly, I doubt she's going to call this 'the straw that broke the camel's back'. If you guys are OK now, she's probably quite accepting of your interests, assuming you are attentive to her needs as well. It's about being open and responsive to each other. It sounds like you're doing that now, so keep it up and I think you'll be OK.

    Good luck! And let us know how it all goes!

  3. #3


    Paddedskibum, I'm sure that we've all said things that we wish we could take back at some point. The unfortunate truth is that we cannot. I am sure that when we say something that's a big deal to us we believe that people think about it all the time, however, we forget that people get wrapped up in their own lives and your parents probably don't think about you being a DL that often if they do at all (correct me if I'm wrong).

    Your girlfriend is great for accepting you. And I know first hand the bond that you're speaking up. My girlfriend and I have a mommy/son relationship (and recently when she opened up to me about trying AB -she loved it- I play as her mommy too). Point is that I understand. As far as your sissy desires/side it is always best to be up front about your wants/needs. As we all stress in the ADISC community, communication is key. It may be hard to bring it up but literally just do it. Tell her your desires and see her response, but remember that when you're telling her don't say anything like "this may be weird" or "its okay if you don't want to", those statements will only make you seem unsure of yourself. Be confident in your desires because that are perfectly fine. I wish you luck with telling her. And please post or PM me to let me know how it goes. I'm always curious how things turned out.

  4. #4


    Wow thank you for all the support and quick responses! Last week someone started an ABDL Fetish Checklist that I thought would be extremely helpful in bridging the communication gap with my financee. My hope was that she'd see the checklist I posted on certain sites as I mentioned before, but that seems like an immature way of communicating.

    I feel like I need to just come out about the sissy desires and also offer up the checklist and see how she reacts. It might take me a while to build up the courage but I think this is what I need to do.

  5. #5


    I agree, having her discover it might make her feel like you don't or won't trust her, and that will put your relationship on wobbly ground. I definitely understand you not wanting to come out and tell her, tho.

    If she already accepts you as ABDL, though, I doubt she'll have any problems with you being sissy.

  6. #6


    Well I guess I can help a little by sighting the usual sources of information I give to people who are simply outing themselves to someone else for the first time. Please keep in mind while you have already told her your AB/DL there is still some information that is still useful to your situation as well. Here's some links to those sites. You will have to do some looking yourself but there is in fact some useful information on these links
    I doubt this is going to be much use but I prefer to error on the side of caution so I am showing this link due to the possibility of it being relevant
    Again this link may not be helpful but maybe it will so I am showing it anyways just like the link above this sentence as well

    I am not that good at giving advice in matters like this necessarily as I have never experienced rejection yet. There are about 8 people who know me by name that also know I am AB/DL and are not judgmental about it at all. 5 of them are doctors in various mental health fields (1 is my primary doctor though) the other 3 are just really good friends as well. I think she will be accepting of you being a sissy anyways since that is hardly any more controversial then being a AB/DL anyways. In fact there's a chance she might think your even cuter then you where before if she knew for all any of us could know. I think you will do just fine so simply relax and take it easy on yourself.

  7. #7


    Thank you for all the help, support, and suggestions. I found another helpful forum more geared toward the BDSM aspects of ABDL but if anyone wants to check it out it helped me:

  8. #8


    Well you can say you would like to try little girl dress

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