I have a friend whom I am deeply attracted to. He knows it and has stuck around in our friendship. Even though he joined the military and we haven't seen eachother in 3yrs...he was on leave this month and we got together twice. Once in Pittsburgh for 4 days, where we met and again just yesterday, I drove to his home in DC and we walked all around the monuments and museums. He is leaving again on the 2nd. It is my firm opinion that he has some personal issues with trust and feeling like he has nobody as well as his sexuality. Anyways...I've composed him a letter and posted it below. I would like some opinions please....THANKS.
"Why would a person do this, what I do: pour their guts, brains and heart out to somebody? Trust. To show it and gain it. Afterall, what is anything between two people without trust? Nothing really, just two people. And besides giving a person virtually full insight into one's own feelings, what other way is there?
My only purpose here is to affably remind you of just how much- I have in the past, continue to now and will- carry on trusting you with my feelings and friendship. I mean...you've got it. Its yours. And for you that trust is a boulder. It is unwavering and will always be here waiting for you to fall into if you so need.
Everybody wants that person in their life, that person who is a steady constant amidst a fast-paced and full, exciting life. I know I do. Which is why I try to be that person for you.
So again. Do not ever hesitate to call on my trust. It is here always ready, willing and available to provide you a leaning place. I wrote you that little note in Pittsburgh so >I carried it around in my pocket and slept with it under my pillow for two days before I gave it to you. I narrowed my words, chose them deliberately and perfected my handwriting. I wanted to imbue that note with as much of my energy as possible< you'd have something real and tangible as a reminder of what I'm telling you.That is my gift to you, my deepest trust and the means to never forget you have it.
As much as I want and need you to know this, more so, I hope you can trust me in my nearly ineffable sincerity.
- - - Updated - - -
Me again. I would like to add that during his time away, we maintained regular communication so it isnt like he just showed back up. While away he bought me several gifts which I can tell he put thought into. And when we're together, we are perfectly content to simply sit in silence with eachother. Bear in mind he's "straight" so we've never done anything. But there's either some kind of chemistry that I detect and he denies or else...Im just a foolish gay guy who falls for the straight guy.
- - - Updated - - -
We also went ice skating with eachother while in Pittsburgh. He had no idea how so I found myself holding him and catching him so he wouldn't fall. All the while, he let me. So I'm just very confused about this person.
Wooo...thanks guys for reading. I had to vent badly.