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Thread: Tips On Telling Someone You Are ABDL

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    Default Tips On Telling Someone You Are ABDL

    If you happen to have trouble with being an ABDL in secret and want to tell someone, here are some tips: 1. Make sure who you are telling will understand that you are who you are and can be trusted with your secret. 2. Do it at the right time. If someone has had a hard day or is in the wrong mood, they may not be prepared for you to tell them about being ABDL. If they are happier, then that is your golden opportunity! 3. Don't show weakness. If you get scared or bail out while telling that person that you are an ABDL, they might know you are embarrassed about being ABDL and think you don't trust them, and you might even be afraid to talk to that person. I know from experience that it can be a scary thing to tell someone, especially family and friends that you are ABDL. Good luck to anyone who is going to tell their secret to someone and please tell me if I've helped at least a little. Thanks! -EJLEE (Eric)

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    Is this based on personal experience? How did it go for you?

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    I would add, have very good reasons as to why you feel you must tell someone.

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    Don't if you do not have to, it can go wrong in SO many ways! Some do, and wish they never did, others have found great support, but it's a coin-toss how someone will react.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    I would add, have very good reasons as to why you feel you must tell someone.
    This, very much. I think it's only worth telling if there's a relationship and the person needs to know or if you're so in need of support that you have to confide in someone.

    Anyway, my tip if you do have to tell is to start the conversation by asking the person for their attention and telling them that you have something you want to tell them that you find difficult to talk about, then ask if they're cool with you confiding in them before you go any further. They might say no, in which case you just saved yourself from a really bad moment. Or, if they say yes, they've put themselves in a mindset where they're going to be open and willing to listen, even when you come out with something unusual like enjoying wearing diapers.

  6. #6

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    There's a lot of good advice here. I have a slightly different approach.

    My ABDL-hood is very much a sexual thing. So I'm only interested in talking about it with people I feel comfortable talking with about sex in detail. There are only two situations in which I feel comfortable talking in detail about sex: (1) if I have a sexual relationship with the person I am talking with, or (2) if I am at a social event that is for kinky people, such as a munch, a BDSM education event, or a gear night at a leather bar.

    When I discuss my ABDL-hood in either of these contexts, I approach the conversation with the attitude that of course the person (or people) I'm speaking with will be okay with my having the fetishes that I do. I assume that we're all open-minded, modern people who know about kinks and about BDSM and who recognize that most traditional sexual norms are silly. (The only valid sexual norms that those that have to do with consent, safety, trust, and mutual respect.) So I don't preface my disclosure with any suggestion that I'm about to make a major disclosure. I just talk.

    Outside of these two contexts, I don't feel any need to disclose my ABDL-hood, since I don't feel that discussing sex in detail outside of these contexts is appropriate. I don't particularly want to know what my family members or my friends from work do in their bedrooms, and I don't feel any need to tell them about what I do in mine.

    I have told some close friends that I am "kinky," without discussing details. Telling close friends about my kinky side helped me to talk with them about choices I was making about my dating life. I also told one friend I was "kinky" because he expressed moral disapproval of BDSM several times at parties, and I thought he needed to know that it wasn't safe to assume everyone in his audience had vanilla sexual tastes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by buridan View Post
    There's a lot of good advice here. I have a slightly different approach.

    My ABDL-hood is very much a sexual thing. So I'm only interested in talking about it with people I feel comfortable talking with about sex in detail. There are only two situations in which I feel comfortable talking in detail about sex: (1) if I have a sexual relationship with the person I am talking with, or (2) if I am at a social event that is for kinky people, such as a munch, a BDSM education event, or a gear night at a leather bar.

    When I discuss my ABDL-hood in either of these contexts, I approach the conversation with the attitude that of course the person (or people) I'm speaking with will be okay with my having the fetishes that I do. I assume that we're all open-minded, modern people who know about kinks and about BDSM and who recognize that most traditional sexual norms are silly. (The only valid sexual norms that those that have to do with consent, safety, trust, and mutual respect.) So I don't preface my disclosure with any suggestion that I'm about to make a major disclosure. I just talk.

    Outside of these two contexts, I don't feel any need to disclose my ABDL-hood, since I don't feel that discussing sex in detail outside of these contexts is appropriate. I don't particularly want to know what my family members or my friends from work do in their bedrooms, and I don't feel any need to tell them about what I do in mine.

    I have told some close friends that I am "kinky," without discussing details. Telling close friends about my kinky side helped me to talk with them about choices I was making about my dating life. I also told one friend I was "kinky" because he expressed moral disapproval of BDSM several times at parties, and I thought he needed to know that it wasn't safe to assume everyone in his audience had vanilla sexual tastes.
    This makes so much sense, and it fits into, know the person you're telling. In this case, you know well the group you're revealing this to. The only person I've told besides my wife is my best friend from college. It was shortly after I had joined this site, and I was amazed as to how open our younger members were to telling what seemed like the entire world, that they wore, by choice, diapers! So having told him I was on a blog site, he asked me which one. This was by e-mail, so I had some time to think about it. Since he and I had been sexual partners all through college, and still mutually respected and loved each other, I knew I could tell him and he wouldn't think any the less of me.

    Those of us who live well outside the vanilla lines tend to be open minded enough to accept almost anything that doesn't hurt anyone or break laws. But telling people who have no knowledge concerning adult babies or diaper lovers will have their sensibilities shaken. This is why I say, understand the reasons you feel you need to tell someone, and more so, understand yourself very well, why you think you are AB/DL, and how wearing diapers effects you, because the person you tell is probably going to ask.

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    There are times when it seems necessary to disclose these secrets to someone close to you who you care about and trust. Good advice has been given on how to handle this with tact, courage, and sensitivity. The reaction to your disclosure may, indeed, be much more positive and accepting than expected. But have a gun in your pocket just in case.

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