Ok this may prove to be too much of a mature topic.
When I was about 12 I started experimenting sexually with a childhood friend of the same age, it was unhealthy, we were too young and were practically brothers, he was my best friend since 3rd grade.
I eventually moved away, I last saw him again at 14, when his family visited, we still were experimenting heavily, and technically had sex, we lost touch after this, he got in trouble with the law for breaking and entering, and spent time in Juvenile Hall, he eventually got out and joined the airforce. He got married had 2 daughters, but the marriage fell apart when his wife who was cheating on him accused him of molesting his 2 and 4 year old daughters, the FBI and the military investigated and found no proof.
He moved on with life, rarely seeing his daughters, and remarried and had a son and a daughter with his new wife, they are 2 and under.
Things were looking good for him, till I noticed he wasn't online anymore, we had reconnected online and put our past behind us, just talked about good stuff like being little boys.
I asked his sister what was going on with him and she tells me he got arrested November, they found him in a parked car with a 15 year old girl and have charged him with rape and the girl said they have met 3 times. He denies it, but can't talk as everything he says is recorded and he hasn't even really talked to his public appointed lawyer.
I worry that my influence has caused him some great pain and confusion, I am not sure that he did what he is accused of doing, but he's 37 and didn't belong in a parked car at 3am with a 15 year old girl.
I kinda feel I'm partly to blame because I was the one that pushed my sexual desires on him, I was only a dumb kid, but I still feel guilty, I can't talk to anyone about it as it is a big secret, it could hurt my Mom if she knew the innocent little boys she watched grow up were not so innocent, and I am afraid that his family will blame me, I have a hunch his mother knows something, she use to be good friends with my Mom, but they don't talk anymore either.
I KNOW I am not totally at fault here, I never went after anyone of an illegal age, except when I was a minor myself, I feel very conflicted, maybe if I could of been a better friend he would be ok, puberty was a hard time for me, I was bisexual and didn't understand myself, and lived in shame for many years, hated myself, hated gays. It wasn't till college that I got to meet other healthy minded bisexuals or gays, and got to see I wasn't a monster. I just wish my friend didn't get warped, I remember him saying he had been with another boy when we were young, so I wasn't the first domino to fall, but I was part of his journey to a very bad place and mindset.
No one believes he molested his own children, just his x wife, who was cheating on him, and they found no proof.
I still care for my friend, we are not truly close anymore, but still have a brotherly link, he is like family, even with the unhealthy past, that I dismissed as puberty and two boys that were at least somewhat Bisexual, I accept that I am bisexual, leaning towards gay these days, but he kept it all inside and tried to live a "normal" life.
Not sure if there is anything to discuss here, but I needed to get this all off my chest somewhere private, I have no one I can talk about this with, as far as I know, nobody knew that my friend and I had sex as teenagers, I hate that I have to live forever with it as a shameful secret, Im not proud of what we did back then, we were way to young and didn't know what we were doing, didn't even know about lube, totally ignorant, but I was always attracted to both sexes, Im not sure if my desire for sex just rubbed off on my friend and lead him to a dark path, it didn't help that even at that age I was a diaper lover, and shared all my secret with him.
Wish I knew how to fix this, how to do something, I hope he is found innocent, but he was married and should never have been in a parked car at 3am with a 15 year old. I worry that the sex that I initiated when we were kids drove him to find younger people more attractive, I know I like younger people, but I don't ever mess with minors, though at 31 I was with an 18 year old, I had to check his wallet to be sure he was of legal age, it didn't work out well in the long run, but we are still friends.
So I had to share this somewhere, not sure a response will help me feel better, I want to assure you all I am not after kids, or anyone under 18. I feel sorrow for my friend, hope most of its not true and that he can get the help he needs, he is in a jail till he goes to court, things do not look good for him. If he's guilty I think he should do the time and pay the price, but it will destroy him and his family, and I don't want it to be true, because I still feel like I was part of what made him into a man that would mess around with a 15 year old girl, its possible he didn't know how old she was, they used the App Whisper to find each other, and from what I can tell its an app perfect for predators.