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Thread: I really did not think I needed help with this but..........

  1. #1

    Question I really did not think I needed help with this but..........

    I have a friend who I am really starting to get close to. He is starting to be like a close brother to me. That scripture;



    Proverbs 18:24(NKJV)
    24 A man who has friends must himself be friendly,[a]
    But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
    I am thinking about sharing rent to a house with him because he still lives with his mother and I live in an apartment where the rent is crazy. My rent is ($630) and I am so ready to move out. I am going to try and wait till I can manage my apartment before I take the big jump. I also am going to try and get my license so that it will actually work for the both of us.

    Both of us are musicians and we both love MLP. He does not know about my pink little side yet and I am trying to figure out the best way to tell him. He knows that I sleep with a stuffed animal as well as the fact that I have imaginary friends. He does not know about my DL side or the fact that I regress.

    I know I can trust him and I know he will be honest if he ever feels uncomfortable. I would never want to make him uncomfortable so I would never ask him to do anything ABDL related. I also think that will be a dangerous rout for the both of us. Fact is I still want to be able to move into a house that we both will share responsibilities for.

    By the way our friendship is not a romantic or the dating kind. We are musicians that want to do something with our music. He wants to be a DJ and I want to be a cellist either in an orchestra or a worship team.

    How do I tell him?
    Last edited by HogansHeroes; 22-Dec-2014 at 23:03. Reason: purple font is reserved for mods

  2. #2

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    How often do you "indulge"? All the time when you're alone? First of all, see if he wants to be roommates. If not, then no need to tell him. If he is interested, then I would tell him right off the bat, something like: "I'm glad you want to be roommates with me, but first there's something I need to tell you." And then explain to him your "hobbies" and reassure him it's not a sexual thing. He might be OK with it. You never know. The worst thing would be not to tell him and then have him get freaked out sometime and move out on you leaving you with the rent.

    Side note: When renting with anyone, make sure you both sign the lease so you don't get stuck with the whole thing.

    Good luck and let us know what happens!

  3. #3

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    I would not just come out straight to the topic, wait and there will be a conversation sooner or later when it will fit in if you feel he will be OK with it, that you need to be sure of before even contemplating the thought of exposing your private life to him. If it doesn't feel right, listen to your inner voice, it always knows best! Let us know if it happens and how it went! :-)

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by zipperless View Post
    Side note: When renting with anyone, make sure you both sign the lease so you don't get stuck with the whole thing.
    I am not a lawyer. But, I'm sure that isn't how a lease works. I mean, I don't want to be downer here, and perhaps I'm saying something obvious here, but apartments are not leased like a hotel rents rooms (based on occupancy). Your apartment will have a fixed price and that price is owed every month, regardless of a roommate or spouse or signed names. Anyone signed to the lease is fully responsible for the whole rent each month.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by zipperless View Post
    How often do you "indulge"? All the time when you're alone? First of all, see if he wants to be roommates. If not, then no need to tell him. If he is interested, then I would tell him right off the bat, something like: "I'm glad you want to be roommates with me, but first there's something I need to tell you." And then explain to him your "hobbies" and reassure him it's not a sexual thing. He might be OK with it. You never know. The worst thing would be not to tell him and then have him get freaked out sometime and move out on you leaving you with the rent.

    Side note: When renting with anyone, make sure you both sign the lease so you don't get stuck with the whole thing.

    Good luck and let us know what happens!
    In American law, parties entering into a lease are jointly and severally liable in nearly all American states (Wikipedia says there are four states that have abolished joint and several liability). What this means is that any party on the lease can be held entirely responsible for the damages (damages include anything that costs the landlord money, including missed rent), regardless of their actual responsibility. That person would then have to either amend the complaint to include the responsible parties in an attempt to have the court sort it out, or, they would have to turn around and file a new suit against the responsible party after the fact to recover the damages actually caused by the other party.

    In other words, if two people sign a lease and one bails, the other can be held responsible for ALL damages, even if it was completely the fault of the one who bailed out.



    As to the situation at hand, I think Zipperless is right on. This is something that you should really sort out before entering into a joint lease arrangement with this other person. I suppose, though, you already knew that since you're asking us how to go about telling.

    When you broach the topic of moving in together, I would suggest bringing it up as part of that conversation. Supposing he's interested, you might go with something like, "That's great. Before we sign everything, though, I do have something I need to bring up." Talk to him about it, and make sure that you mention that you'd rather bring it up now than have it come up once you've signed a lease and are sharing space. Whether or not it's sexual is irrelevant, and there's no real reason to bring any of that into it unless you have to.

    The big thing is bringing it up in advance. Otherwise, you'll either have to be super discreet, keep it in your room with the door closed, just not do it, or hope that he doesn't freak out and leave you holding the bag.

    Good luck!

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by BluMew View Post
    I am not a lawyer. But, I'm sure that isn't how a lease works. I mean, I don't want to be downer here, and perhaps I'm saying something obvious here, but apartments are not leased like a hotel rents rooms (based on occupancy). Your apartment will have a fixed price and that price is owed every month, regardless of a roommate or spouse or signed names. Anyone signed to the lease is fully responsible for the whole rent each month.


    Quote Originally Posted by GoldDragonAurkarm View Post
    In American law, parties entering into a lease are jointly and severally liable in nearly all American states (Wikipedia says there are four states that have abolished joint and several liability). What this means is that any party on the lease can be held entirely responsible for the damages (damages include anything that costs the landlord money, including missed rent), regardless of their actual responsibility. That person would then have to either amend the complaint to include the responsible parties in an attempt to have the court sort it out, or, they would have to turn around and file a new suit against the responsible party after the fact to recover the damages actually caused by the other party.

    In other words, if two people sign a lease and one bails, the other can be held responsible for ALL damages, even if it was completely the fault of the one who bailed out.
    I'm no attorney, either, but I watch Judge Judy. That makes me an expert, right? jk. Seriously, on her show she has chastised people for moving in together and not getting a joint lease. One will move out and the other will be stuck with the damages and the rent. Thank you both for your comments. I know laws vary from state to state.

  7. #7

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    GDA has the right of it. You want a joint lease because if you do end up on the hook when the other guy bails, you can get find them and get them to pay their half. Also because some states have laws that can penalize or even evict tenants who have people staying in a place who aren't on the lease (it's a form of subletting that can be unlawful).

    Also, step away from the law for a sec. People take it seriously when they sign their name on a contract. You want someone who's going to live with you and pay half the rent to take it seriously. So do they. So you both sign the contract. End of story.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    Also, step away from the law for a sec. People take it seriously when they sign their name on a contract. You want someone who's going to live with you and pay half the rent to take it seriously. So do they. So you both sign the contract. End of story.
    Right, you both sign the contract. Period. I just was concerned that Zipperless might be unknowingly giving a bad / wrong impression. You both sign the lease to make you both responsible for damages. But, it does not in away way indemnify you from any portion of the rental amount or, as was stated, keep you from "being stuck with the whole thing".

    It's an easy mistake to make.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by BluMew View Post
    Right, you both sign the contract. Period. I just was concerned that Zipperless might be unknowingly giving a bad / wrong impression. You both sign the lease to make you both responsible for damages. But, it does not in away way indemnify you from any portion of the rental amount or, as was stated, keep you from "being stuck with the whole thing".

    It's an easy mistake to make.
    It does indirectly. If both names are on it and the other guy leaves you hanging, you demand they pay half the amount or sue them (in small claims court, ideally) for the money. So you're stuck hanging for a while, but unless the other guy skips town and you have no way to find them as well as no other address for the person, you can eventually get reimbursed if both names are on the document and things go wrong.

    So, addendum. Get both people to sign the thing and on top of that, make sure you know your roommates parents' address so that if they skip town, you know where to send a letter.

  10. #10

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    Just to clear things up on a few things. We both go to the same Church and have the occasional sleep overs. Like I said he knows that I sleep with a stuffed animal and that I have world of imaginary friends. The only thing missing is the diaper part of it. I don't think he knows about my pacifier either but I don't think he would be surprised.

    My rent for my apartment is a little over $600. Which is aggravating when I consider how much it would cost to live in a house. I have not been able to have much free time to spend with my friend in a while or to get on the forums that I am on. My Job is not set on a certain time which makes things a tad difficult. I am not going to do this for a little while like I said. I just like to know what needs to be done way ahead of time. I would like him to know about my little side also because I don't want to hide it from him any longer.

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