I'm just wondering if anyone on adisc has OCD intrusive thoughts and if so please share your experiences.
I'm just wondering if anyone on adisc has OCD intrusive thoughts and if so please share your experiences.
What do you mean by OCD Intrusive thoughts? I'm sort of OCD in that I tunnel vision on many things, diapers being just one of them. I think being OCD has helped me as a classical musician. At one time I used to practice 8 hours a day, four days a week. I've done the same thing with writing and other hobbies.
It's sorta crazy you can have thoughts of killing family members even if you would never want to and you could have thoughts about doing something like rape even though you know you would never do something like that having thoughts about causing harm to animals ect
Sigh....I think mine are just about having sex with someone young and beautiful. Then I think, oh, I need a cup of coffee, or whatever.
Yeah, I do. I'm currently doing sessions on Mindfulness with a therapist, which have been a major help. Mine aren't quite as severe in terms of violence, but I get very dark, intrusive thoughts about what might happen when I die, and also about whether my mind can affect external situations simply by me having bad thoughts. For example, I sometimes get a thought that if I think about people dying, it could actually happen and I might never realise because my brain would be in denial. In short, these (frequently terrifying) intrusive thoughts mean I sometimes feels like I'm imprisoned in my own head.
The Mindfulness teaching I'm having focuses on the idea that the thoughts I get and my own personality are not necessarily related. It's helping me develop the idea of 'I'm experiencing having a dark thought in my head', as opposed to 'My brain is having a dark thought', which would usually lead to 'This probably makes me an evil/dangerous/malicious person'. I think the key to dealing with OCD intrusive thoughts isn't to try not to think about things, because that's almost impossible, but to be aware that thoughts come and go, and don't necessarily mean anything, let alone anything about your own personality.
If you'd like to find out a bit about practicing Mindfulness, or Avoiding Experiential Avoidance - a related technique which teaches those with intrusive OCD how to stop themselves from avoiding all theoretically unsafe situations, you're welcome to PM me. They're both things I've found extremely helpful in gradually beginning to cope with my OCD, and getting my mental state more settled and balanced.
I have had violent fantasies and when I was 16, I felt abandoned by my family and that no one cared and I felt tormented by a puppy my dad impulsively bought because they were on sale but that dog liked to pee in the house and I remember him coming inside and going to the basement and lifted his leg up and peed and I totally lost it and it went down from there when I saw his "accidents' were intentional and no one seemed to care about my distress and my OCD about a clean house sprung out of control and I got tremendous anxiety so my violent thoughts started on harming the animal and I would get nightmares and dreams about him being harmed. I saw him as evil and my I am sure people would think I was exaggerating about my experience. Then when we got a new puppy, I threatened to harm it if they didn't house train it and if they let her pee all over the house again after the other puppy passed away. Bam everyone in the house watched her and trained her. Really I had to use a threat to get my way?
I also used to tell my story called The Abusing Adventures of Squeaky and it was about our puppy being abused and me doing stuff to him and I would tell it in my therapist office. It was just a fantasy story from my hurt and distressed feelings and feelings of abandonment.
And honestly I think my parents should have just gotten rid of the dog or taken him back to the pet shop because we had just moved house then and I was already having more anxiety and we were all still adjusting to the huge change and my dad had to bring home a new puppy and it was not the right time. it's not like I had a say in it and could decide to get rid of the dog or move out because I was just a kid so I was trapped and went literally insane because of the stress and being forced into a situation I had no control over and I couldn't do my solutions to my problem to deal with it and they were keeping him outside or in the cage and my parents were against that. Outside, he would have ended up herding the cows, inside, they didn't like him being in his cage all the time because they felt it was cruel. My mom didn't like that dog either because of the tremendous anxiety it caused me and then she had to deal with all the meltdowns and outbursts and me trying to have ODD to get my way because I had found a shortcut to my issues but it backfired because my mom told me I would go to a hospital instead if I hit her again.
Then when he passed away, I felt relieved and so did my mother and my anxiety got less severe and my violent thoughts started to go away and the nightmares and my abuse fantasies. My dad should not have gotten that dog because it was not the right time and no one was willing to watch him to train him and taking him outside at night to go was not enough. Also he may have been one of those dogs that just likes to pee in the house because I have known dogs like that and their home smells like piss and sometimes they pick a specific room to piss in. Our puppy liked doing it in the playroom or in the basement. My mom called it "that damn dog" because of all the chaos it caused in the household. But if they would have kept him outside or in the cage or just pay more attention to him, there wouldn't have been a big problem but like I say we had just moved house and we were still adjusting to the change and it was not the right time for a new pet so none of us was willing to watch him and I was not willing to give up my video games just to watch him to catch him trying to pee to take him outside. I can remember coming home from school once and he came inside and was trying to pee but I kept grabbing him and he would run off and trying to go again and I kept grabbing him and finally tossed him outside and he did went then according to my brothers. It was a short battle I had with him. I swore that dog was evil but no one believed me. They just saw him as an innocent pup and even Frankie thought so too. I wonder if this is a male dog thing because he was male and I hear they mark their territories. I have always preferred female cats and dogs. But a male pet can be trained right to not mark in the house? I have seen male dogs who didn't seem to do that but I am not sure if it was because they were fixed or not.
I once woke up from one of my nightmares and I was kicking my cat when i woke up and it took me a few seconds to realize it was my cat I was kicking, not some evil demon in my dream from the dog. But she was purring so I think she forgave me and knew it was not my intention to kick her. But she wasn't hurt because I wasn't kicking her that hard luckily and she just lied there as I was doing it and then I woke up still half a sleep and then I realized it was my cat I was kicking and she just stayed put.
This is something that lot of people have not understood. I don't think anyone has ever understood because I have always been treated like I was in the wrong and as if I could have been god over the situation. My therapist thought there were other solutions what what solution? I have not ever spoken about this since then because no one seemed to have understood, no one and here I am talking about it again because I had these intrusive thoughts.
I still get intrusive thoughts but about other things and if something bothers me or really upset me, it does get difficult and everyone acts like it's all so simple to just move on and I discovered talking about it over and over makes people think I am gossiping or going on a witch hunt and being a bully so I am to keep these thoughts to myself except to a therapist because they are paid to listen to me talk about it over and over and over without telling me to shut up and without judging me and getting the wrong perception of me. But then it gets better and I don't deal with this when I am happy and calm.
I have had OCD with intrusive thoughts when i was 13.
It was bad for 6 months then it vanished.
It came back 16 years later and i can only put it down to my general anxiety in life, along with my realization of an interest in wearing diapers and it struck again, to what looked like severe depression.
I spent quite a bit of cash investigating and getting help from the best professionals and went to see a psychiatrist who really helped me alot.
I was diagnosed with OCD or Pure OCD, with intrusive thoughts.
I actually thought i was getting help from severe manic depression and a diaper fetish, but was pleasantly surprised by this mans kind and incredibly rational diagnoses after 20 months.
I took meds for 3 months and stopped and it returned.
I tried it again and stopped and it returned.
I stopped because i did not wanna take SSRI's and sodium valproate for OCD.
I then decided to take a quarter of the recommended dosage......
Im on meds for it for life, however on 1/4 the recommended amount and for 3 years i have been OCD free!
By free i mean when the thoughts that bothered me returned,my brain responds like a non-OCD individual.
You have the thought and it disappears, unlike the thought haunts you and you cant escape it no matter what you do.
I know that stress will trigger a worsen of the disease and caffeine can affect it so i stick by 3 cups of joe a day, because i need an upper lol!
Luckily i use diapers(that's an excellent stress reliever when the work overwhelms me or its just a stressful period in my life.
So i can vouch for those that have OCD and feel your pain.
OCD can vanish for years and return when a trigger sets you off, like a death in the family, or job stress.
I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and urge those to seek help if the problem gets to the point of severe depression in a month and does not go away!
It could manifest as Bipolar or schizophrenia or even a thyroid problem, so you need to tell them about the intrusive thoughts , this is the key in the diagnoses.
Although its also possible to have bipolar and schizophrenia and have OCD!
If you hear voices that you don't identify as your own, this is akin to schizophrenia.
If your thoughts are of your making and you cannot shut them down this is Pure OCD.
Serotonin and dopamine levels have obviously balanced out in my case and i feel wonderful.
What i really wanted to add is that this OCD is genetic and tends to run in families.
Its something my Pdoc has done many studies on, and i found proof in my family.
2 older family members have thought to have been suffering from fibromyalgia have in fact had depression related to OCD.
So the good doctor was in fact right again.
Perhaps masked as anxiety or depression as mine was.
If it gets really bad, get the help you need because in the case of OCD, even if you conquer the demon, another will appear for you to worry about.
You can kick its butt though, however you need to sit on that crappy thought and deal with with blocking it out for it to vanish.
Most cannot handle this though.