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Thread: Caretaker/Partner guess

  1. #1

    Default Caretaker/Partner guess

    I wasn't sure how to title this. Basicly I'm wondering/looking for "dating advice" I guess is how it would be described. I know their are meet and greets and get togethers. The thing is I have been away from the community for a while and I don't even know if LA, CA get togethers happen.

    My biggest issue is being myself around people. When I meet new people I am really shy and reserved. I try not to say anything unless I have too. Which at that point if I do get to know people I get so scared of making them uncomfortable that I either try to pleas them or if I invite them out I give them a way out. Like I will ask

    "Would like to go for coffee sometime unless you have plans then I totally understand?"

    100% of the time they usually take the way out I give them.

    I don't know how to be assertive I guess.

    Idk just looking help I guess.

  2. #2


    Whilst I'm afraid I can't help in terms of information about the CA scene for ABDLs, I will say that by offering someone an obvious 'way out' of plans, they might well take it to mean that you're offering to meet up with them out of politeness, and are happy to offer them an excuse not to meet up. I know that isn't why you're doing it - it's down to shyness and not wanting to seem pushy - but the reason people probably don't take up that 'offer' to meet up for coffee isn't because they don't like you, it's because it's phrased in a way which sounds insincere.

  3. #3


    Less is more for the ask. Try just "hey, want to get coffee?" And stop. If they say yes, them pull out a calendar. That's a nice and simple script.

    As far as finding people, try It's a listing of the munches in various places along with when and where they are. Those are nice friendly group events where you can get to know people.

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