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Thread: I think I may have coddled my little brother to much.

  1. #1

    Default I think I may have coddled my little brother to much.

    Okay so i need help. This is embarrassing even for me and im writing this while everyone sleeps so I'll just get straight to the point.all my life I've never said no to my god brother. I've protected him from bullies ( a few teachers to(using methods Im not paticularly proud of ) , teaching him just about everything he knows, helping him with just about every problem he's ever had, only ever having a few fights on hand.

    were only ever rarely apart. I've even gone with him to sleepovers.SEEING the problem yet essentially im the overprotective Big brother (official nickname in school) or brother with a little brother complex. but it dosen't just stop here. I have been overprotective of everyone I find the need to care about even a few people i hated in highschool ( hence the nick name big brother) but the main problem is how can i stop my habit from showing up when I don't need them to
    Last edited by tai; 08-Dec-2014 at 03:16.

  2. #2


    In the context of an AB/DL forum, I was a little concerned when I saw the title with "babied" and "little brother" in the same sentence. I was relieved to see that it had nothing to do with babying in the AB/DL sense. Only with being overprotective as an older brother You may want to consider changing "babied" in the title to "sheltered". I know that the word babied, the way you used it is commonly used in everyday conversation, but in taken out of context, it could cause people to jump to the wrong conclusions.

    I can relate some to what you are feeling, as my brother is ten years younger than me, and I played a pretty big role in taking care of him, as we were growing up. I understand the desire to protect him from any potential dangers or challenges. Certainly protection is important in situations where it is really needed. But, if a person is never allowed to face challenges that are within their ability to handle, then they will be prevented from growing and developing to their potential.

    The cultivation of increase independence should be gradual. Let him deal with small things at first, then talk with him about how things went, what he could have maybe done differently, what he has learned. Over time his skills, wisdom and independence will develop together.

    I don't know what your relationship with your brother is like, but maybe you could ask him if he feels like you are overprotective or overbearing. See what his response is and go from there. Maybe you could let him have more time alone with his peers, and deal with some stuff on his own. Make it clear, that as his older brother, you are always happy to give advice any time he wants it.

  3. #3


    As relationships go with him everythings usually fine I've asked him about it before and it's usually him that comes to me though he a bit over affectionite i.e; hugging. though I don't mind but looking backon my history is another story. I haven't really been the best person behind the scenes. I've fought countless bullies and parents defending others, threatning and black mailing teachers (though the were justified) nearly killing someone for trying to touch him in the wrong ways. relationship with other people are about the sam to I've protected a lot of people in my life even people i thought i hated

  4. #4


    As bean said the title is a little should I say eye catching, also this is in wrong section. should probably be in mature or off topic.

    That being said, Changing habits is very difficult, and I'm not sure how to go about that. Short of drawing lines in the sand such as "I won't blackmail" or things like that, to lesson the negative effects,. I don't know.


    Fixed since this post.
    Last edited by LilByte; 08-Dec-2014 at 06:54.

  5. #5


    Crap it been so long since I've done it I don't quite remember how to do it. also can one of the admins move it to the appropriate section please.

  6. #6


    At the top right of the original post, there should be a little button that says "edit" after you click that, at the bottom of the post there should be an option to "go advanced" once you do that, you should be able to edit the title. You may need to post in the 'requests' forum, if you would like to have the post moved.
    Best, Bean

  7. #7


    Thanks bean and also upon review I forgot to state the main problems. He's 14 and Im 19 we have no direct blood relation as he is my god brother and thats never been an issue with him or me. we've both have had traumas in our live with people close to us one being a multiple suicide the problem is he's become to emotionally dependent on me an vice verse. We can't go a hole day without talking with each other, he has manipulated me on several occasion resulting in me becoming grounded and him nearly injuring himself,and a few other problems.I know partly to blame for his behavior and it's started to become a hassle with our daily lives.what I really wanted to do is know is how we cannot depend to much on each other.

  8. #8


    Hi Tai,

    I don't think you're doing anything inherently wrong in your relationship with your brother. Obviously you've been supportive and kind to him, especially during traumatic times when he needed it most. However, I don't think the dynamic of you being so accommodating of his needs and behaviours is necessary and I think you can take a step back without making him vulnerable. I think you've identified that it has a negative impact on both of you. Your brother has probably lacked a bit of discipline as an entirely accidental result of your relaxed attitude to some of his bad behaviours, and he's caused you to get grounded, and more importantly, to get unnecessarily stressed.

    What I'd recommend is sitting down with him and explaining that you feel a bit of space would benefit the two of you, whilst making the point that you're always there if he needs your support. People often equate being 'close' with having a good relationship, but sometimes friends/relatives/etc. need to make some space between one another to solve problems and rebuild a more relaxed and more helpful bond.

  9. #9


    I have never had someone in my life protective like that.

  10. #10


    Alright thanks everyone Ill try it and see what happens

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