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Thread: Feeling more shame than normal...Just as Loneliness rears it's ugly head...

  1. #1

    Default Feeling more shame than normal...Just as Loneliness rears it's ugly head...

    Yes, there's a lot of posts I can see about this... I don't know, the more I indulge, the more the pendulum swings toward the guilt and shame and being depressed about it all... I didn't know where the best place to put this was, since it's related to AB, DL, and LG tendencies... I can't say for sure if there is a general gender issue overall, but there is as a "little", so I don't believe I truly fit the "sissy" profile...Since I've no interest in frilly things or really the clothes so much as being treated as a little girl in general - these things just happen to be more "accents" to my situation than anything (I like them but they aren't a turn on like being force-diapered is - they're just cute and more my "little" side-like)...

    ...Where does that leave me? ... Lonely... Someone who doesn't conform to age or gender rules, but only in closet... who already regrets the wasted lonely years I've been through with noone to love...As far as I could ever tell I'm asexual... Mainly because I'm narcissistically only attracted to myself in certain situations (for lack of a better description)... I even dabbled into non-ageplay-specific gender-only video games (yes lol) to see where I fit and there is some non-abdl gender-related interest (IE I did enjoy the stories of he who was magically transferred to "she" and treated as a "she" in college etc)... If I can say these things correctly, because I don't know how to be specific, and without crossing the non-pg-13 border. Why I had to be so complex and think about things so thoroughly I don't know... But, alas, that's as far as I've gotten...

    ....So...What's the big problem? Anxiety-related stalemate... How can I even think of ever having a relationship with anyone if I can't even understand myself fully? Where does this lack of understanding leave me? Why the **** do I love children's programming??? (where does that even connect really?) How can anyone ever be with me if I can't even decide what gender to pursue both for myself and for a partner??? Let alone deal with my infinite hang-ups! I sleep with a bear (actually 2 bears usually lol) for god's sake! Let alone the fact that I'm in no way actually "attracted" to anyone except for the thought of being "treated" a certain way - never had any attraction to any other person in my life... I know what's "hot" to me, but that's not who or what I'm "into" for lack of a better expression... I'm really lost for this, and honestly I thought time would tell... But it didn't...It's been years and all I've learned is I like cute things, I stress out about the embarrassment and shame of buying inappropriate things, and I like to collect these same embarrassing things. I mean I can't even bring myself to display my stuffies and dolls in the house, for the fear a family member will see!! How pathetic I am! And so the endless spiral begins...Sorry for the rant, but just getting my life out on this plate we call the internet... I hope I'm not a burden to you all...

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    I have some friends who can help be right back. And yes pretty lady I actually genuinely want to help but I don't know how. What I do know is I have some friends who can help with issues like this!

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    You're not pathetic, and you're not a burden. You are you. (does that sound too...preachy?)

    Seems to me that you understand yourself better than you think, but feel conflicted as to how you should identify yourself.
    Unfortunately, I can't give you much advice on your sexual identity. I found this site though...maybe they could be more help than me =/

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    I'm more curious about your entire life, the all day long part of your life. Most of us on this site wear diapers, have plushies, dress sometimes in infantile clothes like onsies, etc., use binkies, sippy cups and/or bottles. We also have a normal, non babyish life outside of all that. I enjoy most of the things I've mentioned, but I also enjoy living my life, working, learning new things, reading, writing, listening to music and getting some exercise.

    Many years ago after having lived four years in college as a gay male, I struck out on my own, got a job and an apartment and mixed and mingled, eventually to find the girl who would become my wife. Together we started our family and I never looked back.

    I think it's important that you look at your whole life, not just the part that enjoys regression. If you can't take part in the real world, then it's time to seek professional help. Wearing diapers and regressing should be the smaller part of your life, and shouldn't take over who you are. If regression is all you can think about, you should seek help, because there's a whole, exciting world out there that should be lived. If you can do that, you won't feel guilty about spending a few hours in diapers, etc.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    I'm more curious about your entire life, the all day long part of your life. Most of us on this site wear diapers, have plushies, dress sometimes in infantile clothes like onsies, etc., use binkies, sippy cups and/or bottles. We also have a normal, non babyish life outside of all that. I enjoy most of the things I've mentioned, but I also enjoy living my life, working, learning new things, reading, writing, listening to music and getting some exercise.

    Many years ago after having lived four years in college as a gay male, I struck out on my own, got a job and an apartment and mixed and mingled, eventually to find the girl who would become my wife. Together we started our family and I never looked back.

    I think it's important that you look at your whole life, not just the part that enjoys regression. If you can't take part in the real world, then it's time to seek professional help. Wearing diapers and regressing should be the smaller part of your life, and shouldn't take over who you are. If regression is all you can think about, you should seek help, because there's a whole, exciting world out there that should be lived. If you can do that, you won't feel guilty about spending a few hours in diapers, etc.
    It's not the only thing, but my life is pretty narrow....I don't really regress everyday anyway. Usually on a day off for a morning/afternoon one of the 2 days that is considered my weekend (don't get "actual" weekends off)...But I don't really do much either. I do play some games and like to try and learn language(s) outside that, and had quite a thing going working on my genealogy for a while...Mind you I don't exactly have money to go out ever... Like eternally broke (partly due to the house, but honestly it's cheaper than rent hands-down)...For me though... The week is: to work (listen to music on the way and on breaks), to home, play some games and watch TV, go to sleep, get up, do that again 4 more days in a row...on the 6th day relax and maybe regress a little, or at least watch some kids shows in the morning, then do all my chores like laundry the next day... That's the week, and then it repeats on an endless cycle. I'm not really interested in reading - I used to read mangas but my eyes were straining too much from some lazy eye or something weird, and it cost too much money - so I gave that up. Exercise I do on my endless walks to wherever I need to go... I walk for miles - miles to work, from work, to the grocery store and back and anywhere else I need to go. I sometimes even jog or sprint to work if I'm late. I'm sure I'm missing out on life, but I don't have money or friends to do things with, and I get anxiety (anxiety that's completely unrelated to regression) a lot...So that's my "life" description, if it helps you understand me a bit better...And that has been the situation for years.... I have 1 friend (yes that's right one) that comes down an hours drive away every couple months but thats it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SleepyTyrant View Post
    Seems to me that you understand yourself better than you think, but feel conflicted as to how you should identify yourself.
    Unfortunately, I can't give you much advice on your sexual identity. I found this site though...maybe they could be more help than me =/
    Been there before...Can't say the descriptions narrow things down... But thanks to them I have at least a temporary label lol.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Plushie View Post
    Yes, there's a lot of posts I can see about this... I don't know, the more I indulge, the more the pendulum swings toward the guilt and shame and being depressed about it all...
    Plushie,

    As you know, guilt, shame, and depression just do more to harm you, so even if they're secondary to what you might gain in the initial part of the indulgence, they are still the last thing you experience.

    So, this really becomes a bit of self-harm/abuse/punishment at this point...

    One way to perhaps reconcile this, is to come to some kind of terms for acceptance, made more difficult to achieve... when depressed...

    I'm very sorry for the grief you are experiencing now... and I would like to assure you, that this is temporary... though, I'm sure it may not seem that way to you now...

    There are many here, who can relate to at least some parts of your experiences too!

    I'm going to start out by saying that I think you may be asking too much of yourself, in too little time... in trying to get this all figured out now...

    I'm also going to recommend that you get additional support with qualified professionals...



    Crisis Centres Serving Ontario

    If you are in crisis now please call any of the crisis line numbers listed below or dial the local emergency telephone number (often 911) in your area.

    You can also call if you are not in crisis, seeking additional information. If you come across information in this page which is incorrect, please contact us so we can update it.

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    Keep talking, and we'll see what we may be able to help you figure out...

    My best to you,
    -Marka

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    Quote Originally Posted by Plushie View Post
    Yes, there's a lot of posts I can see about this... I don't know, the more I indulge, the more the pendulum swings toward the guilt and shame and being depressed about it all... I didn't know where the best place to put this was, since it's related to AB, DL, and LG tendencies... I can't say for sure if there is a general gender issue overall, but there is as a "little", so I don't believe I truly fit the "sissy" profile...Since I've no interest in frilly things or really the clothes so much as being treated as a little girl in general - these things just happen to be more "accents" to my situation than anything (I like them but they aren't a turn on like being force-diapered is - they're just cute and more my "little" side-like)...

    ...Where does that leave me? ... Lonely... Someone who doesn't conform to age or gender rules, but only in closet... who already regrets the wasted lonely years I've been through with noone to love...As far as I could ever tell I'm asexual... Mainly because I'm narcissistically only attracted to myself in certain situations (for lack of a better description)... I even dabbled into non-ageplay-specific gender-only video games (yes lol) to see where I fit and there is some non-abdl gender-related interest (IE I did enjoy the stories of he who was magically transferred to "she" and treated as a "she" in college etc)... If I can say these things correctly, because I don't know how to be specific, and without crossing the non-pg-13 border. Why I had to be so complex and think about things so thoroughly I don't know... But, alas, that's as far as I've gotten...

    ....So...What's the big problem? Anxiety-related stalemate... How can I even think of ever having a relationship with anyone if I can't even understand myself fully? Where does this lack of understanding leave me? Why the **** do I love children's programming??? (where does that even connect really?) How can anyone ever be with me if I can't even decide what gender to pursue both for myself and for a partner??? Let alone deal with my infinite hang-ups! I sleep with a bear (actually 2 bears usually lol) for god's sake! Let alone the fact that I'm in no way actually "attracted" to anyone except for the thought of being "treated" a certain way - never had any attraction to any other person in my life... I know what's "hot" to me, but that's not who or what I'm "into" for lack of a better expression... I'm really lost for this, and honestly I thought time would tell... But it didn't...It's been years and all I've learned is I like cute things, I stress out about the embarrassment and shame of buying inappropriate things, and I like to collect these same embarrassing things. I mean I can't even bring myself to display my stuffies and dolls in the house, for the fear a family member will see!! How pathetic I am! And so the endless spiral begins...Sorry for the rant, but just getting my life out on this plate we call the internet... I hope I'm not a burden to you all...
    This is obviously a lot to deal with, and I'm sorry it's all hitting you like this. It's overwhelming to figure out your identity even without things like being ABDL or dealing with gender questions, so I can tell you must be exhausted with it. I do have a few thoughts, and hopefully you'll find them helpful.

    First, I know what it's like to feel shame when indulging deeply in AB/DL/LG things. I used to feel a lot of that. Partly due to some all-or-nothing religious beliefs that made me feel like a failure for not being perfect, but mostly because I hadn't figured out how to integrate them into my life in a balanced way. I thought this side of me was wrong and evil, and tried to repress it. But that never works long-term, and I'd ultimately end up acting on my desires. And when I did, I'd feel guilty and ashamed after, and resolve never to do it again, but ultimately fail. Classic binge-purge cycle. From your description, it sounds like something similar may be going on with you. Even if you have some degree of self-acceptance, it sounds like you're not sure how it's all supposed to work, and this can lead to the binge-purge behaviour I experienced.

    One thing I found helpful was to set limits - to define what I considered OK and not OK as an ABDL, and to really structure how much time I spent on these activities. With this structure in place, I could express this side of myself without letting it take over. It gave me balance. And that helped me be more accepting of myself. If you haven't already done this, maybe it'd help you to find that happy middle ground where being an ABDL is part of your life, but it never takes over or makes you feel ashamed.

    With some self-acceptance in place, maybe you'll be able to see a clearer solution to your other concerns. I have asked myself gender identity questions before, being an LG, but I never felt any real pull to live as the opposite gender, so that's where it stopped for me. If you're not sure where you lie on the gender spectrum, it may help to look for information. We've got a pretty large trans community here, and some of them may be willing to share some of their journey, or point you to resources that may be helpful to you. It's obviously a huge question, and one worth pursuing.

    I should also mention that you're not pathetic for being worried about what others may think. It's a perfectly rational thing to worry about! I don't want anyone besides my partner knowing about my ABDL items, and I still feel embarrassed when I buy a dress or diapers in public. It's normal, and it doesn't make you pathetic to worry. The difference is whether the worry keeps you from other things you enjoy. If it does, finding ways to resolve that could help - whether it's a better hiding place, or general anxiety-reducing strategies. Either way, though, you're not bad for worrying. We all do!

    One more small thing: I bet you're feeling really overwhelmed right now. One of the best things you can do is step back for a little bit. Play a game, listen to some music, or sleep. Obviously, come back and deal with this later - but if you feel the weight of ten different problems at once, that's a sign of being over-stressed. Take a little time to care for yourself, and you'll be much more able to resolve the problems. And you did the right thing coming here and asking for advice! Sharing the load helps, and if there's anything I can do, I'd be glad to. You're not alone

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    One way to perhaps reconcile this, is to come to some kind of terms for acceptance, made more difficult to achieve... when depressed...
    This is actually me frustrated and only "mildly" depressed. I've been super-depressed before, and I've been through the system (phone and the counseling stuffs) all before when it was really bad...I wouldn't say it's a lack of "acceptance"... I've pretty-well accepted I'm an AB. The gender-related problems and how the AB/DL/Gender issues affect a relationship, and especially believing myself to be asexual (until proven otherwise I say! lol - using that description as asexuality.org includes me imo), really puts a damper on my potential partners and I feel ashamed of it all...I already have a lack of self-confidence to start with, and that only adds to it. I wouldn't say I'm in crisis... I've been there and know what that's like. I still need to work through my issues, but how, I don't know.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    I'm very sorry for the grief you are experiencing now... and I would like to assure you, that this is temporary... though, I'm sure it may not seem that way to you now...
    Temporary as 8-10 years or so can make it I guess... I can't say I'd consider that temporary. I was told once years ago, that time would solve everything, but ... it didn't - which is part of the reason for my frustrated post.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    I'm going to start out by saying that I think you may be asking too much of yourself, in too little time... in trying to get this all figured out now...
    I'd say the opposite - I'm wasting away and missing out on life, because I can't get things figured out fast enough. Most of these aren't new to me... The AB thing since I was 13 I completely understand and accept now - it doesn't mean it's easy to deal with, but I accept it. It still makes it a huge burden to put on any kind of relationship - let alone the gender issues and asexuality. I hate that I'm so complex .... Any one thing alone I could probably deal with....But all of that is a bit much in my opinion.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adventurer View Post
    First, I know what it's like to feel shame when indulging deeply in AB/DL/LG things. I used to feel a lot of that. Partly due to some all-or-nothing religious beliefs that made me feel like a failure for not being perfect, but mostly because I hadn't figured out how to integrate them into my life in a balanced way. I thought this side of me was wrong and evil, and tried to repress it. But that never works long-term, and I'd ultimately end up acting on my desires. And when I did, I'd feel guilty and ashamed after, and resolve never to do it again, but ultimately fail. Classic binge-purge cycle. From your description, it sounds like something similar may be going on with you. Even if you have some degree of self-acceptance, it sounds like you're not sure how it's all supposed to work, and this can lead to the binge-purge behaviour I experienced.
    I don't really oppress my interests... But they are there. I wouldn't say more general experiences are limited because of these, just the friends and intimate relationships...I feel like I've been left behind somehow, much like the immortal stories where the person lives to see all their friends growl old and have kids together...Yet I'm still alone, just like them, frozen in time getting no further along... And all my old friends are gone and have kids or at least someone in their life... Maybe it's my ego getting in the way? Why can't I get over the shame? I can deal with things in private, but intimate friendships and relationships... That I can't - it's almost like being "outed" in some way every time I'd have a new friend or something come along.... Even if only some of the minor things are brought up - even something as simple as a teddy bear or something.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adventurer View Post
    With some self-acceptance in place, maybe you'll be able to see a clearer solution to your other concerns. I have asked myself gender identity questions before, being an LG, but I never felt any real pull to live as the opposite gender, so that's where it stopped for me. If you're not sure where you lie on the gender spectrum, it may help to look for information. We've got a pretty large trans community here, and some of them may be willing to share some of their journey, or point you to resources that may be helpful to you. It's obviously a huge question, and one worth pursuing.

    I should also mention that you're not pathetic for being worried about what others may think. It's a perfectly rational thing to worry about! I don't want anyone besides my partner knowing about my ABDL items, and I still feel embarrassed when I buy a dress or diapers in public. It's normal, and it doesn't make you pathetic to worry. The difference is whether the worry keeps you from other things you enjoy. If it does, finding ways to resolve that could help - whether it's a better hiding place, or general anxiety-reducing strategies. Either way, though, you're not bad for worrying. We all do!

    One more small thing: I bet you're feeling really overwhelmed right now. One of the best things you can do is step back for a little bit. Play a game, listen to some music, or sleep. Obviously, come back and deal with this later - but if you feel the weight of ten different problems at once, that's a sign of being over-stressed. Take a little time to care for yourself, and you'll be much more able to resolve the problems. And you did the right thing coming here and asking for advice! Sharing the load helps, and if there's anything I can do, I'd be glad to. You're not alone
    I wish I could solve the gender-mystery. It's been it's own burden but whatever it is, out of all the things, I think I'd be fine with whatever it is. I know everyone seems to hate labels, but god it's a lot easier just to say to someone "I'm gay" or "I'm trans" and be done with it... People understand that. If I don't know where I fit, how can I say...Me: "I...like girly stuffs??" Them: "Why? Are a crossdresser? Trans? What?" Me: "I don't know! Good question!"... How can they even accept me if I can't even tell them what the heck I am??? What bothers me is it's not like I have a choice not to tell them... It's going to come up - and it's hard enough to justify. I feel that as much as I've hidden everything from almost everyone, I shouldn't even have to, and if I have anyone over it bothers me that I have to be ever-so-careful and hide every single thing every time. I'm just sick of it.

    Yes I admit you're right to try not to look at everything at once...That does make it harder. I just wish it was easy. Like how people can just be straight or gay - god I envy them! Life must be so simple! Do you like girls or guys - easy question. And that's the end of discussion. Nothing else to get in the way.

    I'd have to say outside of friendships and relationships, most of this is stuff that stays behind closed doors and doesn't impede most of the more general things I like, like music... So no, I wouldn't say it's super-impeding things I enjoy... But it's still lonely. And the shame and embarrassment of it all only comes out when I think about not being alone...Like it was some kind of possibility...Thank you for saying that, it's very sweet. I know I'm not the only one going through these things - in fact I've by pure happenstance met a DL who confided in me once - I honestly had thought it was a prank at the time, that someone had to be punking me because they had found out about my ABDL interests, but it was true. I've even met 2 trans-people by luck in my area too! But...there's just too many quirks for me...I don't know...I guess the fact that they seem to be able to deal with things and figure things out and get on so well, that's what makes me feel so bad...Maybe it's the envy?

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    I'm sorry if I sound so whiny...

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Plushie View Post
    This is actually me frustrated and only "mildly" depressed. I've been super-depressed before, and I've been through the system (phone and the counseling stuffs) all before when it was really bad...I wouldn't say it's a lack of "acceptance"... I've pretty-well accepted I'm an AB. The gender-related problems and how the AB/DL/Gender issues affect a relationship, and especially believing myself to be asexual (until proven otherwise I say! lol - using that description as asexuality.org includes me imo), really puts a damper on my potential partners and I feel ashamed of it all...I already have a lack of self-confidence to start with, and that only adds to it. I wouldn't say I'm in crisis... I've been there and know what that's like. I still need to work through my issues, but how, I don't know.
    Well, it's good to know that you aren't in a frantic crisis... and that you have experience dealing with that, and utilizing available resources to manage through...

    Though it really rather does remain a crisis just the same... Identity, gender, purpose, life -crisis, to name a few possibilities...

    I think that sometimes, we confuse condemnation, or resignation of what seems unchangeable, whether it seems as fact, truth, fate, destiny, etc... in an attempt to stabilize a fluid, or unknown condition, as though it were acceptance of those troubling conditions...




    Temporary as 8-10 years or so can make it I guess... I can't say I'd consider that temporary. I was told once years ago, that time would solve everything, but ... it didn't - which is part of the reason for my frustrated post.
    Of course I didn't intend to imply that anything would necessarily be resolved in the next few days... however, I did intend to give you hope that nothing is set in stone... and the troubling aspects, may need not be seen as life-long, or futile...

    Also, with respect to 8-10 years of your life... that is closer to half of what you've lived thus far, and pretty much your entire post-pubertal (pre and young-adult) life... So, in that context, and with little else to foresee from your current perspective and subsequent perceptions; there's yet been little to demonstrate for yourself as temporary...

    Sayings about time as a healer... are perhaps not that practical without further interpretation... More time does provide more opportunity, and may show that time is not limitless, so we must act in a timely manner too... Mostly though, I think that the context of time-healing, comes about with living experiences, especially the numerous subtleties of experience... that may create an opportunity for a wisdom, that tends to come with age...


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    I'd say the opposite - I'm wasting away and missing out on life, because I can't get things figured out fast enough. Most of these aren't new to me... The AB thing since I was 13 I completely understand and accept now - it doesn't mean it's easy to deal with, but I accept it. It still makes it a huge burden to put on any kind of relationship - let alone the gender issues and asexuality. I hate that I'm so complex .... Any one thing alone I could probably deal with....But all of that is a bit much in my opinion.
    I would suggest that you are not wasting away, or missing anything per-Se... What you are likely feeling, is the anxiety from not knowing, or believing that it's anything else...

    And, as suggested earlier in this thread... you may in-fact know, where you are, who you are, and what you need on the grander scale of things; But, you have not found a way to reconcile that for which you know, to that for which you believe... and, part of what you believe is contingent and confounded by what you are conditioned to think...

    Your own opinion, and the opinions of others, collectively, and individually... are something of an abstract measure... certainly worth observing, and considering... yet unwise to take as any genuine determination, fact, or true-measure. Opinions are a relative truth; not an absolute fact...

    Anxiety, and depression, are a proper response to a lack of feeling or believing that one is safe, a lack of confidence... A response, that's supposed to be a prompt which should motivate you to getting out of the perceived, or real dangers, and to get sorted out to a relative state of confidence... that may only come with the safety that's needed...




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    I don't really oppress my interests... But they are there. I wouldn't say more general experiences are limited because of these, just the friends and intimate relationships...I feel like I've been left behind somehow, much like the immortal stories where the person lives to see all their friends growl old and have kids together...Yet I'm still alone, just like them, frozen in time getting no further along... And all my old friends are gone and have kids or at least someone in their life... Maybe it's my ego getting in the way? Why can't I get over the shame? I can deal with things in private, but intimate friendships and relationships... That I can't - it's almost like being "outed" in some way every time I'd have a new friend or something come along.... Even if only some of the minor things are brought up - even something as simple as a teddy bear or something.

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    I wish I could solve the gender-mystery. It's been it's own burden but whatever it is, out of all the things, I think I'd be fine with whatever it is. I know everyone seems to hate labels, but god it's a lot easier just to say to someone "I'm gay" or "I'm trans" and be done with it... People understand that. If I don't know where I fit, how can I say...Me: "I...like girly stuffs??" Them: "Why? Are a crossdresser? Trans? What?" Me: "I don't know! Good question!"... How can they even accept me if I can't even tell them what the heck I am??? What bothers me is it's not like I have a choice not to tell them... It's going to come up - and it's hard enough to justify. I feel that as much as I've hidden everything from almost everyone, I shouldn't even have to, and if I have anyone over it bothers me that I have to be ever-so-careful and hide every single thing every time. I'm just sick of it.
    In a manner of speaking, I believe that you literally are sick of it.



    Yes I admit you're right to try not to look at everything at once...That does make it harder. I just wish it was easy. Like how people can just be straight or gay - god I envy them! Life must be so simple! Do you like girls or guys - easy question. And that's the end of discussion. Nothing else to get in the way.

    I'd have to say outside of friendships and relationships, most of this is stuff that stays behind closed doors and doesn't impede most of the more general things I like, like music... So no, I wouldn't say it's super-impeding things I enjoy... But it's still lonely. And the shame and embarrassment of it all only comes out when I think about not being alone...Like it was some kind of possibility...Thank you for saying that, it's very sweet. I know I'm not the only one going through these things - in fact I've by pure happenstance met a DL who confided in me once - I honestly had thought it was a prank at the time, that someone had to be punking me because they had found out about my ABDL interests, but it was true. I've even met 2 trans-people by luck in my area too! But...there's just too many quirks for me...I don't know...I guess the fact that they seem to be able to deal with things and figure things out and get on so well, that's what makes me feel so bad...Maybe it's the envy?

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    I'm sorry if I sound so whiny...
    You don't sound whiny... you sound frustrated! ...and for good reason...

    I'm going to suggest to you... that most of what you need is not that complicated... perhaps not that easy, but rather simple just the same...

    There appears to be elements of your foundation that needs some shoring-up... and, that your primary relationship, and partnership... might ought to begin with yourself, first -alone... yet, no longer being lonely...

    Alone is relative...
    Lonely is abstract...

    When you become secure in your own safety and confidence... I believe that most, if not all the rest... will fit into place for you...

    The relationships, the gender/sex/sexual, the entirety of what plagues you now... will still remain as challenges... yet will no longer be the devastatingly, crippling, monsters that they are to you now... The looming doom & gloom, the disparity, the futility, and the hopelessness, and helplessness...



    True, or False?
    There's always room for improvement, yet things could always be worse


    If we imagine for a moment... an analogy of sorts...

    A fire-alarm has been sounding for several days, in a building that you can not leave... you find no smoke, nor fire...

    Are you in danger? It doesn't appear that you are at all...

    However, those loud bells and buzzers, and bright frantically snapping lights, are wearing you out, you can't sleep well, you are distracted... what else can you hear or see? You begin to question everything, you become paranoid... maybe there is a fire, and you just can't find it!

    But clearly there is no fire... you know this, but you can't believe it... why else would the fire-alarm be going off... if there was no fire?

    You won't turn the alarm off, because you don't feel safe or sure enough that there isn't a fire... Or you don't know where or how to turn it off...

    Your alarm can be heard outside too, but when those outside don't see any fire... the alarm simply becomes a disturbance, some wonder why you don't shut it off, other's may think that you turned it on simply to trouble them...

    We're not sure what made the alarm start, but we can be pretty sure that there is no fire, and the alarm must be reset (not turned off)... the alarm, is a very useful thing for helping to keep you from the perils of smoke and fire... however, the alarm needs to be adjusted or calibrated, so that it's only sounding for a truly eminent danger... a bit of a sensitivity, and programming corrections...

    Until this alarm-system is reset, and repaired, and you've had enough time to rest, and regain some composure... maybe open the blinds to the outside world for some better light... only then perhaps, might you work on what color of paint, or print of wallpaper... would suit your tastes
    Let me know (at your leisure)... what you think and see from this... ask any questions... refit the analogy to something else if you choose...

    My best to you!
    -Marka

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    Though it really rather does remain a crisis just the same... Identity, gender, purpose, life -crisis, to name a few possibilities...
    Fair enough point - a life-crisis to me then...

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    Also, with respect to 8-10 years of your life... that is closer to half of what you've lived thus far, and pretty much your entire post-pubertal (pre and young-adult) life... So, in that context, and with little else to foresee from your current perspective and subsequent perceptions; there's yet been little to demonstrate for yourself as temporary...

    Sayings about time as a healer... are perhaps not that practical without further interpretation... More time does provide more opportunity, and may show that time is not limitless, so we must act in a timely manner too... Mostly though, I think that the context of time-healing, comes about with living experiences, especially the numerous subtleties of experience... that may create an opportunity for a wisdom, that tends to come with age...[/COLOR]
    Correct me if I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed lol, but didn't you just say that the reason time heals is because wisdom comes with age? ... So you're saying I haven't matured to that point yet? (If that's not ironic in an ABDL forum I don't know what is, lol)... But if I interpreted that wrong, I apologize. If so though - I can't say I know what might further the cause... but anyhow.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    Anxiety, and depression, are a proper response to a lack of feeling or believing that one is safe, a lack of confidence... A response, that's supposed to be a prompt which should motivate you to getting out of the perceived, or real dangers, and to get sorted out to a relative state of confidence... that may only come with the safety that's needed...
    Well honestly, if it's trying to push me to figure it out to get rid of this feeling - I feel at least by being on this forum I'm trying to. I could be doing nothing and just crying about it, but I'm trying to understand so I came here...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    There appears to be elements of your foundation that needs some shoring-up... and, that your primary relationship, and partnership... might ought to begin with yourself, first -alone... yet, no longer being lonely...

    Alone is relative...
    Lonely is abstract...

    When you become secure in your own safety and confidence... I believe that most, if not all the rest... will fit into place for you...

    The relationships, the gender/sex/sexual, the entirety of what plagues you now... will still remain as challenges... yet will no longer be the devastatingly, crippling, monsters that they are to you now... The looming doom & gloom, the disparity, the futility, and the hopelessness, and helplessness...
    I don't get it - how can I be alone without being lonely??? Lonely is being alone for too long in my opinion.

    And you're saying to become secure and confidence, but I don't know what or how you mean. With all this abstract talk, you make me doubt my intelligence! lol.

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