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Thread: Expressing needs

  1. #1

    Default Expressing needs

    I'm sure I may have discussed this in the past but it is something that I find really frustrating.

    I have great difficulty expressing my needs (which I might add are very simple) to my partner when I'm quite regressed.

    The thing is, that all I need is to be acknowledged appropriately to the level of regression I'm in.

    I have discussed this with her, and while she doesn't actually object to my regressing, she's not all that embracing of it either.

    She knows that my little has kind of attached itself to her as a mommy figure, but she makes me work really hard for any attention....and then it's not much more than a hug.

    (Ok...to those struggling on their own in the dark, I apologise for seeming ungrateful, it's just that ... You know what happens when you put candy in front of a baby)

    I think her reluctance to entertain my little state may be a kind of a last stand. (I'm sure she'd prefer that I was just a regular guy..) She knows she has a lot of power when I'm so regressed, and while it is all so subtle, she does seem to be using it against me. This of course leaves me very frustrated and cross.

    Anyone who regresses will know that at any time you can flip back into adult mode, but that invariably kills the moment. When she asks me "what do you want? " I can't answer because my regressed state is non verbal apart from very simple words. Deep in the back of my mind I know how to respond, but to do so would thrust me out of my regressed state. OMG this is all so complicated..... not really for me, but trying to get a non-regresser to understand.......

    Sorry, it does sound like a rant, but I'm really just sharing my experience and wondering how others cope with situations like this.

  2. #2

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    Hi ozbub,

    I am currently having the same problem. And I agree that it is very hard to get a non regresser to understand what we feel like. I recently had to have a talk with my mommy/girlfriend because like yours she was asking adult things of me during my regression state and it is nothing worse than having expectations and being excited to play with mommy and they're just not very excited about it and barely engaging.

    I think this is a pure communication thing. Sit down and spill out what is expected of you and her during your little time and if she cannot fulfill the role of mommy in a satisfying way (even after compromise) perhaps she isn't the mommy type. (I've come to realize that my girlfriend values me and sometimes just wants big me not little me. And that's a problem because when you're a little you're a little, like you said it is not fun to be forced out of your regressed state).

    So yes, just talk to her. That's the best solution. Maybe write down some thinga expected of her during your little time and give them to her, but ultimately first ask if she's even really into it.

    Hope this helped

  3. #3

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    I get it and I can very much relate.

    All little kids shut their ears now, or their eyes to be specific: It's basically the same for me about me sexual desires too. Which does complicate things even more sometimes. I'm not really an outspoken person when it comes to those kinda things and I tend to just back down in the end if it's getting to the point of being "serious" to talk about those desires. But as you know yourself it's a turn-off anyway if this discussion pops up.

    Regarding my little side as also vice versa my sexual desires I'm much more a person that tries to come up with hints and clues all along by trying to push the situation in a certain direction or giving small but distinctive indications of how I feel about what's going on and if I'd like to change it and reacting different depending on it. Probably also a lot of cheeky reactions while in little mode, if I know into which kind of direction I want to push it.

    What should I say? I know it doesn't work very well. It's very far away from working as intented. It's much more quite like a way too big expactation of our partners, mommies or daddies. We want them to get the idea of what we like. Despite that we somehow tend to forget a bit what they may like... but I believe that's within the boundaries of what kind of play I like to end up with. At least based on that which I know that they like... uhm I'm actually stumbling across my own problem, right? Well, I also think however that you feel much better about finding out something that your partner may wish for at the right moment, even if it's due to a lot of clues, than just saying it right in front of it.
    Although we could surely say right in front of it what we would like... but it's not that easy sometimes, especially if it's spontaneous.

    On the other hand this may only be my own bad experience with my ex boyfriend. Since of course at one point I tried to be clear about certain things after we've been together for some years. Those things just ended up ignored however, without saying a thing about it anymore, period. So it feels like it has been a bummer in hindsight.

    I think however that it surely works with the right partner, if you're keen enough of not being dissapointed to name it infront. On the other hand you could talk about it lightly from time to time I believe. Just trying to to give and receive a bit of input and so trying to to be in tune with our caretakers.
    And so cutting down on the expectations, which are hard to get anyway. Since it's not very easy for a caretaker too if I'm trying to imagine to be in such a situation. It's simply hard to get what ABs & Littles may want sometimes at all.
    Secondly they'd would only moan most certainly if their caretakers would act more dominant or even too dominant by themselves, while kind of pushing it into the direction of domestic play. We're not exactly made for this, despite the fact that we may like it regarding a different aspect of our cravings.

    A dilemma, but it surely works out at some point if both partners are eager to work on this I think.

  4. #4

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    I wonder if it's not so much a communication thing or understanding, but rather, not wanting to participate. It's not hard to figure out what a mommy does for a child. My wife doesn't participate much, and I do most of the baby stuff. Sometimes all you can do is accept that which you have. It is expecting a lot to think that most partners would really embrace having their significant other act like a baby, diapers and all.

    I'm glad for what I have. She's at least kind and understanding as I wake up wet and tell her that I'm a baby, etc. It's not all that bad and in fact, I enjoy being verbally little and accepted, all while watching the Baby channel on TV in the morning.

  5. #5

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    One thing that's helped my partner and I a lot is that we talk about being little when neither of us is regressed. We talk about how we feel in different situations when little, and what the best way to respond would be. We also mention things we enjoy, and what sort of insecurities or fears can come up when we are regressed. This has helped us both take better care of each other.

    Even though we both remain verbal when we regress, I think there are some parallels here. It might be helpful to tell her what sort of reactions you might have when you're little, and what they mean (for example, a certain gesture or noise means you're scared, or you're happy, or you need something in particular). Then, when you do the same thing while little, she'll know what to mean. Mothering instincts probably aren't as natural with adult babies, so explicitly telling her may be helpful. It'll be less frustrating for both of you if she knows how to respond.

    As to the bigger issue of her not really accepting it, I'm not fully sure how to respond. Maybe letting her know about the problem would help. It would also be good to make sure all her needs are fulfilled, too. I don't know your guys' relationship, but if there's something she isn't being fulfilled in, she will probably be more reluctant. (And obviously, you care about her and want her to be fulfilled!) This may be a sign that she needs something, and it might be good to talk about, as her happiness is obviously really important.

  6. #6

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    Thanks to all your advice and encouragement everyone, we have been talking. I think that actually she's having more trouble coming to terms with the fact that she finds it enjoyable....she really likes me in little mode but isn't sure she should be.....oh confusing.....I tried to let her know that it's ok for her to just go with what she feels.

    I explained to her that regression is bit like the time between waking and dreaming.....in both places at once and trying to hold onto the dream. she understood that. I said that if she interacts with me at an adult level when I'm regressed, that it breaks the 'dreamstate'

    She's going to give a better go. we really do have a very good relationship generally, so I guess we'll work it out.

    thanks

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by ozbub View Post
    Thanks to all your advice and encouragement everyone, we have been talking. I think that actually she's having more trouble coming to terms with the fact that she finds it enjoyable....she really likes me in little mode but isn't sure she should be.....oh confusing.....I tried to let her know that it's ok for her to just go with what she feels.

    I explained to her that regression is bit like the time between waking and dreaming.....in both places at once and trying to hold onto the dream. she understood that. I said that if she interacts with me at an adult level when I'm regressed, that it breaks the 'dreamstate'

    She's going to give a better go. we really do have a very good relationship generally, so I guess we'll work it out.

    thanks
    Well, this sounds like really good news, then! It's awesome that she enjoys taking care of you - I bet that makes it so much better. It may take her some time, but it sounds like you guys are solid together, and that makes the biggest difference.

    Perhaps if she has a chance to read up on regression it'll help her process her feelings on it better. This site and Understanding Infantilism are two that I think are good. Best of luck!

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