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Thread: Needing Advice

  1. #1

    Default Needing Advice

    This is the first time I have come to a site like this, but I need advice. And the internet is the best place for that, right?

    I have been dating the same guy for around 4 yrs now. We've had our up and our downs, but we have managed to work through them all successfully (for the most part).

    I'm new to this. Even though I've worn diapers for around 3 yrs now, everything is still new to me. I never really delved into it like he did. Even though I love it when he wears diapers, messes in them, etc. I even love it when he puts them on me, and I use them, or am forced to use them.

    But I've come to the point where I don't think what I am doing is enough for him. Though I've tried talking to him about what he wants and needs, and what I want and never really goes anywhere. He changes the subject or ignores it completely.

    He watches porn constantly with diapered girls. Its not the porn that bothers me. Its the fact that we rarely have sex anymore, and the amount of porn he watches has gone up significantly.

    I'm not sure if I am just being insecure or not, but it bothers me. More than it should because of the lack of intimacy in our relationship. I've told him, repeatedly, that I don't care how weird he thinks something is, I am willing to do it at least once to see if I like it. That's how it was with diapers in the beginning, and now I love them. I'm not afraid to try new things.

    He just seems so closed off to me about this fetish that we have both have. I'm confused and honestly lonely, because I feel most of the things out there are also for men and not for women. So I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle this anymore.

  2. #2


    Hey there, you know this sounds like a pretty intense situation, and even though you willingly and happily participate in this, it all sounds a bit too one way.....his way.

    Instead of stressing about how you can do more to get his attention, you probably need to be talking to him about why things are this way. It doesn't look like he's looking after you very well.

    I think it's awesome that you can both share/indulge in this together, but in a relationship there has to be a two way respect.

    Please make sure he is seeing you as a person and not just a convenient part of his activities.

  3. #3


    Hello LovelyLolita

    The most important points in any relationship is communication.
    Keep talking and follow the trends.

    One book that I would recommend is "Surviving the Marriage Fog". The whole premise of the book is need to deal with the communication and attitude changes that occur in a relationship, and hit the critical point at about 3 to 4 years.

    It give tips on how to communicate properly and use effective listening skills.

    I hope that your partner will participate in the discussion and both can hear the others needs.

    One big tip is to use "I statements" when presenting concerns, i.e. "I feel that I am not being heard in my concerns of ......."
    There for avoid "You statements" because that is accusatorial and confrontational, and communication will stop immediately.

    I hope this helps.

  4. #4


    I have to agree with the two previous posters. You may have to have a very frank discussion with him. I sometimes wonder in situations like this, what are the finances like in the relationship? I've had female friends who have hooked up with a guy, or rather, the guy hooked up with them because the gals were making a lot more money than the guy. In other words, they were being used. Sometimes relationships end, as one or both drift apart. If he can't talk through this, and especially if he refuses, it may be time to part.

  5. #5



    From the sentences you have shared with us you come across as a wonderful partner. Your willingness to explore any avenue that might bring pleasure to your guy is something many would only wish for. Please take this all as a big compliment.

    This might really be a genuine case of "it's not you, it's me" from his side. Maybe he is struggling to know just what he wants. One of my relationships way back also included the girl playing along with diapers, just to satisfy me. I couldn't believe my luck. But then quickly it stopped being so exciting. It might've been because I didn't genuinely feel she was all that interested resulting in me feeling a bit bad for pushing it onto her. Even though she was doing all this for me (wearing/using etc) I would still take time to look at other girls in diapers online. It was always exciting to see new girls in different diapers, doing different stuff. Even though I had a wonderful and cute girl at home willing to play along. What a fool I I needed the excitement of the "porn". Other things ended up happening resulting in the end of that relationship... But that is for another day.

    As has been wonderfully explained above by some of our other friends, you need to communicate. Well, he needs to communicate. Sounds like you are willing and able. I hate to even suggest it, but if this is how you are feeling now, just what is the intention for the longer term? The scenarios you mention are clearly not good for you or him. Time for a serious talk I think. If he is not willing, then perhaps you take some time to reevaluate your next steps.

    I am hopeful you can both work it out. I wish you both the very best. Keep us updated here.

  6. #6


    Thank you all for the replies, and I am so very sorry it took me so long to respond. I was swamped with finals and classes coming to an end, so I didn't have any time to get on here. ): The one day I did the site was either down, or my computer refused to let me come here; however, I am back and will be posting more frequently.

    I want to say thank you again for all of your suggestions.

    At the current moment I haven't had time to sit with him, and talk about our future. I am not sure how I can even bring it up. Do I just spring it on him? Or do I slowly ease him into it somehow? This relationship is something that I want to last, and this is something I am looking at for the long-term. I have been with him for almost four years. (It will be four years in May 2015.) I struggle with stating how I feel, because he always tells me that I'm weird, that I'm too emotional, bi-polar, etc. (I'm not bi-polar. At least no doctor or psychiatrist has ever diagnosed me with Bi-Polar Disorder. That's just him being him.)

    I still feel like I am shut out, and that there is little to no communication. Things are the same. They're not better, and they're not worse. But I am not happy with how things are. I just don't know what I can do to change anything. If I try to bring up we're going to do in the future he just shuts down, says something mean or hurtful (a joke or intentional. He says he's joking a lot of the time when he hurts my feelings, but it does not seem that way to me at all). Its the same thing when I try and talk about our relationship.

    I'm 24. I know I have my whole life ahead of me. I am about to graduate college, and start my life. I want to know where I am going when I get out, and whether or not he's going to be with me. Some days I can see a future for us together, and other times, its just not there. A lot of the time its just not there.

    We've lived together for 2 years now, and I honestly feel like we're in two different worlds sometimes. He could be sitting in the same room as me, but I feel like we are miles and miles a part. (As cliche as that sounds.)

    I am just at loss right now. I wish I had all of the answers, but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get someone who doesn't want to communicate with me to actually open up to me.

  7. #7


    I'm sorry that you're facing such difficulty in your relationship. I can only imagine how difficult it is. I think you need to take some time to make it very clear to him how you are feeling. Maybe even show him what you just wrote in the last post? It seems to express your feelings pretty clearly.

    If he is not ready for a heavy discussion at the time you bring it up, you should both agree on a time in the next few days, when you can sit down together and have a serious discussion about how you feel, and what you want for the future.

    If he continues to scoff and is unwilling to discuss any of this, then it may be time to end the relationship.

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