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Thread: I told my wife, now what?

  1. #1

    Default I told my wife, now what?

    I told my wife about being a DL this week. Now I am just wondering what I should do next? When we talked about it she seemed confused, yet supportive. I am away on business and won't be home for another 4 weeks so I don't know if I should wait until I am home, or try and talk again.

    When we talked she didn't really give me her opinion, just that I should do what I think is best. Being that all of this was just through texts (I was too nervous to tell on a phone call) I am worried I shouldn't wait too long for fear I will lose my nerve to talk to her again.

    We have been married for 5 years, and I don't want to rush things, but also need her opinion.

    Should I talk to her again before I come home? Just ask her to do research on her own and let me know what she thinks? Wait until we can talk face to face (which would be Christmas pretty much)?

    Any help would be EXTREMLY appreciated.

  2. #2

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    Well I would send her a link to what this is positive veiws .
    Bitter gray has one understanding infantism look for those or she could find bad one's point of view.
    You search the ones she should see first .

    You must re ashure her .
    That you love her keep saying that she fould out her prince has a limp so to speak.
    Why would you text this you need to talk it out it's like a dear jhon letter by text.
    Your supposed to be her best friend and your telling her because you love her.
    I know your afraid but your making her think your a lepper.
    You have a fetish tell her how it started and it's stuck with you .
    Mine started at six or seven year's old I'm 54

    You kind of droped a big on her.

    This is not something she can fix by you giving it up or getting counseling.
    This is you.

    Plus how did you tell her so we kind of have an Idea what you said.
    So we can give what we think .

  3. #3

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    I told her everything over texts (not ideal I know). I told her that I have had these thoughts since Jr. High, and never told her because I was afraid of what she would think. I haven't worn since I was in high school and my parents found out and got me in to see a therapist. Since we have been married I have always had the urge but now that I am away and my stress level has increased I couldn't resist anymore. I believe I would have eventually started wearing again, just later down the road.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I should also probably say that when she ask why I told her it was just the feeling I get from wearing. The feeling of not having a care in the world like when I was a kid. My own little safe zone.

  4. #4

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    Yes that is us when im stressed I wear more its comforting my safe zone that's normal.
    We go to a place where we where happy .
    Its inprinted into us I gave it up for 3 years none but felt like a dead thing inside.
    For years I would go and do purge and binge' stuff.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I guess you should let her talk to you now she has a lot of questions .
    Mabey let her bring it up but talk to her more ask her how she is doing.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Well if I can help give a shout .
    All the best.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by derepaid View Post
    I told my wife about being a DL this week. Now I am just wondering what I should do next? When we talked about it she seemed confused, yet supportive. I am away on business and won't be home for another 4 weeks so I don't know if I should wait until I am home, or try and talk again.

    When we talked she didn't really give me her opinion, just that I should do what I think is best. Being that all of this was just through texts (I was too nervous to tell on a phone call) I am worried I shouldn't wait too long for fear I will lose my nerve to talk to her again.

    We have been married for 5 years, and I don't want to rush things, but also need her opinion.

    Should I talk to her again before I come home? Just ask her to do research on her own and let me know what she thinks? Wait until we can talk face to face (which would be Christmas pretty much)?

    Any help would be EXTREMLY appreciated.
    Hi there derepaid, I just got done reading your intro. So glad you joined ADISC! I think you will find it rewarding.

    As for talking to your wife. Of course hindsight is 20-20 and we know it probably would have been preferable to initiate this conversation face to face rather than electronically. But its not the end of the world either. I think at this point you should really put the focus on asking her how she feels about what you have told her. I would maybe hold off on bombarding her with internet resources. Those will be more useful later when she has had some time to acclimate, and maybe becomes more curious. For now if she has questions, just answer them directly with what you know to be true about yourself. It is likely that she may feel hurt that you kept something like this a secret through five years of marriage.

    Only you know your reasons for keeping the secret, but you should be honest with her, and if its the case, reassure her that it is not because you didn't love or trust her enough. It seems promising that she seemed somewhat supportive during the initial conversation. It is understandable that she would find the whole thing bewildering. I would advise having a conversation over the phone when you can. Don't start off by giving more information about yourself, just ask her how she is feeling about things. Try to get her to ask you questions about anything she may be concerned about, and just answer as honestly and calmly as you can. You may find that you won't have a more satisfying discussion of the topic, until you get to talk in person again, but I think asking how she is doing in the meantime is a good idea.

    I'm sure most of us will want to hear how things work out. So if you feel comfortable, please keep us updated. Good luck!!

  6. #6

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    I will definitely post how it goes. Hopefully I am able to call home soon. Thank you for your responses and support!

  7. #7

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    Alright I am going to post links on how to handle this and what not to do. As well as things that might reassure her.

    http://aboutabdl.weebly.com/abdl-pho...out-abdls.html
    http://aboutabdl.weebly.com/abdls-on...reotyping.html
    http://aboutabdl.weebly.com/coming-out.html

    This link is not necessarily to late fyi.
    http://aboutabdl.weebly.com/how-not-to-come-out.html

    These 2 links below are most likely going to be most relevant to your situation.
    http://aboutabdl.weebly.com/informat...-of-abdls.html
    http://aboutabdl.weebly.com/how-to-be-an-ally.html

    Obviously this advice may have limited effectiveness but it might still be useful even then. What happens next is between you both derepaid. This is all the help I can give you unfortunately but it actually may prove to be useful

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by derepaid View Post
    Should I talk to her again before I come home? Just ask her to do research on her own and let me know what she thinks? Wait until we can talk face to face (which would be Christmas pretty much)?
    You need to get control of the conversation and make sure she sees positive resources. I told my wife and we were all lovey-dovey because I had opened up to her with something so secret, but then we didn't talk about it for 2 weeks until I got drunk and told her that I was going to go 24/7 during my surgery recovery. I came to find out a few days later that she had been reading up online and of course, every story involved everyone who let their ABDL side get out of control or had all sorts of other weirder issues along with it.

    We ended up having a long conversation about it and defined the boundaries that we previously hadn't set. I even showed her my Bambinos and where I stash them so that there's no secrecy anymore. It might not be her favorite thing but she seems to be happy with my not being secretive. Moreover, ever since I started wearing diapers in front of her (under my footed pajamas so her only indication is the bulge in my butt and the crinkle) I've been a lot more affectionate which she loves.

    Anyway, before we went to bed on the first night, we sat down and I asked her on a scale of 1-10, how weirded out she was, she said 5. When I asked why, she said that she was worried that I was going to start wetting the bed. I thought it was funny because of how misplaced that fear is and how concrete and practical it was.

    Anyway, good luck! Be open. Be honest. Control the conversation. She's going to find stuff online and think it applies to you. Your experience with diapers is what she needs to know about, not some guy on the internet.

  9. #9

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    Well we actually talked last night. If I am being honest I don't really know how it went. I kinda wanted to wait for a little longer to give us more time to process what we originally talked about but she said we needed to talk about it while we were brave enough about it rather then wait and not talk for a long time.

    When we originally talked she got the idea that this was a sexual thing and I wanted to introduce this into our sex lives. I told her that for me I have NO interest in doing that now, and will never have an interest if she isn't interested in it. Being that the first conversation was over texts, it was hard to say what I was thinking, the way I was thinking. So I think I kinda shot myself in the foot in that regard. When we actually talked I made sure to tell her why I want to wear diapers and she responded with I understand that. She has always sucked her thumb and from what she said, gets the same feeling doing that like I get wearing diapers. All through the conversation she had agreed that not everyone deals with things like stress the same, and just because it is outside the norm (no matter how far), you should do what makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt anyone physically or mentally. But, when I asked her what her thoughts were about me continuing to wear when I get home and if she would approve of it or not, she said she would not approve.

    I am trying to be understanding because I know how much of a bomb I have dropped on her, but I am confused how she can say I should do what makes me happy, and then that she doesn't approve if I continue. I know she needs more time to process this, and I could very well be getting ahead of myself. I will say one of the very good things she did say is that she did not do any research online because she didn't want to get things that didn't apply to my situation. I tried to tell her that I am glad I have found something that makes me feel good in my own skin and don't want to give it up, but I she is not comfortable with it I would try.

    There will definitely be more to follow on this, so any additional advice is welcome.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by derepaid View Post
    I am confused how she can say I should do what makes me happy, and then that she doesn't approve if I continue.
    My wife made the point that it was unrealistic to ask me to stop even if she doesn't like it. Now, I wouldn't advise that you tell her that in such direct terms, but it is unrealistic for her to expect your urges to go away.

    If you have accepted yourself as you are, she should too.

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