I hope this is the right place to post this, sorry if it is not.
I've had a lot of trouble in my life with my sexuality. Not necessarily due to accepting what it is but more with defining it. I've always been in confusion about what I am. I have believed multiple times with full conviction that I was Heterosexual, Homosexual, Bisexual, Pansexual, Bisexual. In fact for a Long time when I was a child I believed my ABDL side (accompanied with my general lack of interest in sex with adults) was a sign that i was a pedophile and I used to purposefully try to stop myself from having ABDL or sexual thoughts for fear that they would turn into something worse.
Despite a few encounters (with both sex's) I have found no real affinity to one or the other. Sometimes I get horny or sometimes the idea of sex physically repulses me.
It is worth mentioning that I am a virgin and i'm only 22. This general lack of experience in life does give me hope that one day I'll figure out what I am. But for now I feel like the "other" something outside of the norm. Sex seems to permeate so much of our culture I feel like it's constantly bombarding me. It's present so much in media and my lack of understanding of it makes me feel as an outsider. When my friends talk about girls or guys they have done things with and i can't relate I feel like an outcast. I constantly make up sexual encounter stories just to fit in. I makes me feel so hollow and unconnected.
I'm not sure what i'm asking here. Their clearly is no simple solution to this. Guess I just needed to vent these feelings to someone. Any kind words or advice of any sort would be most welcomed.
Thanks for reading, I appreciate it.