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Thread: Diapered By Someone Else...Cheating?

  1. #1

    Default Diapered By Someone Else...Cheating?

    I am going to my first AB party tomorrow. It is understood by all that diaper changes are OK as long as you are asked. I am married, and my wife is my mommy sometimes. She can't go to the party with me. The question is, first, would you consider being diapered by a stranger "cheating?"

    My other concern was, what if during the change, I am too over-excited and can't help it. is THAT cheating? It would not be from deliberate contact, but more from the excitement of the diaper itself...

    What do you think?

  2. #2


    I think communication is key as to whether this is cheating or not. If your wife knows that you're going to the party, and has established that she's fine with you being changed by someone else, I would say that isn't cheating, because it's an agreement - essentially the same principle as a couple agreeing to have other partners as part of an open relationship.

    However, if your wife is not okay with someone else changing your diaper, I think that definitely constitutes cheating. Having your diaper changes as an ABDL is (aside from incontinence) a stimulating experience as opposed to a physical need - so you'd essentially be letting another woman (or man) touch your genitals for enjoyment, without your wife's consent, which definitely comes under the banner of cheating.

    If you go ahead with the diaper change, either with or without your wife's consent, I don't think whether you 'stand to attention' from arousal is relevant (I assume that's what you mean by getting over-excited?). The key thing is whether or not your spouse is fine with you having that physical intimacy with someone else, not whether or not you enjoy the diaper changing enough to get hard.

  3. #3


    I think this is a question you should ask your partner.

    In my relationships, I consider the AB/DL aspect a bit more intimate than anything else--so unless my partner was okay with somebody else changing my diaper, I wouldn't think about it. It's not necessarily sexual, but it is a very special thing that I share only with my partner.

    This really goes to the whole question of what sex is and/or what intimacy is. Is a diaper change on a sexual level? Even if it isn't, it may be an intimate thing--if so, would you and your partner be comfortable sharing that level of intimacy with a stranger?

    Of course, I'm speaking from a very monogamous perspective--so those are my .
    I really honestly don't know if somebody from a more polygamous perspective (not sure if that applies to you, but it may be interesting for discussion here) would ask the same questions--so maybe somebody could weigh in on that? I know someone in my family involved in polygamous relationships in the BDSM community, and from the outside things seem fine...and I've always assumed consent on all sides....

  4. #4

  5. #5


    There are a lot of ways that it could be said that it isn't cheating, but the most important thing is if your wife thinks it is cheating. If it isn't something you feel comfortable asking her about, then it is best to play it safe and say it is cheating. There are also some good reasons to say that it is cheating, it all just depends on perspective though.

    Something to reflect on. How would you feel if somebody asked your wife to give them a diaper change?

  6. #6


    You might think about this from several different angles.

    First and foremost are your wife's feelings. If she thinks having someone else change you would diminish something special that only the two of you share, then you should respect her wishes. Really that's all there is to that one. It's not something that can be easily handled by logically talking through it, it's about her emotions.

    Second is your guilt. Even if your wife says okay, would you feel that you were cheating while getting changed? Would it bother you while you're at the party or take away from the experience for you? If so, you might want to think about avoiding it even if your wife says yes.

    Third thing is practical. It's an ABDL party, there's nothing wrong with the party itself, and you'll certainly want to go diapered. Are they going to have space for you to change yourself privately? Do you need to worry about someone asking to change you? Do you need to worry about being asked to change other people and would that bother you or your wife? These are things to think through before tiu get there, so you're not taken by surprise and put in an awkward spot.

  7. #7


    For some, being in such a close touch with another arouses feelings which lead to more. It can happen suddenly, or slowly over a long period. It is not healthy in a marriage to be thinking of how you would like to have that person touch you again. So although you can say it is not cheating, I would say it is unwise. Enjoy yourself and go home and hug your wife tightly.

  8. #8


    When my wife and I were just getting started as bf/gf we agreed that the best way to not get into a cheating situation was to not get yourself into a situation you couldn't get out of. In other words, if one of us was with another person in an intimate setting, the chances of going too far would be too great and a cheating incident might occur.

    As mentioned several times already, communication with your spouse is the first step. Secondly, if you think you might get too excited to the point of acting on your arousal then it would probably be best if you avoided a change by another person. Something else to think about: Even if YOU can control yourself, what's to prevent the other person from acting suddenly like getting "handy" or "mouthy" (can I say that?) with you? In a relatively helpless situation, you can't control what someone else might do.

    Question: Will alcohol be served a the party? That would add to the loss of inhibitions and increase the chances of an awkward situation.

  9. #9


    Communication or not, would that not be considered wrong? (Before quoting me on this, just hear me out)

    You two are close so I don't think you would not want to have anything about this between you two even if it's something as small as a "diaper change". It would not be wise to purposely use your diaper and be curious on who is going to change you. (Unless IC) That is another reason to hold off on this while going to this party.

    Your going to a party and have fun right? Why would you want to be changed by a stranger? You might not know these people and they might do something wrong and un-called for to you like...[PG-13 so not explaining that far...]

    I think you can hold off to being changed when you use the bathroom when you are about to leave the party. Might make more sense but of course go when you really need to go. I'm not trying to stop you from going, or preventing a change, or changing any relationship up but it is key to keep a sacred bond with a relationship so having someone stare at your privates while changing you (And you are possibly might not be aware of it) that can be considered a red flag right there.

    Keep the changing phases between you and your partner, never to another total stranger because you never know what this person would do to you. (You can not trust the world much anymore)

  10. #10


    In my observation, changes in the community are treated pretty casually and it wouldn't necessarily be considered cheating. However, you're not in a relationship with the community. As noted throughout the thread, talk with your wife beforehand and see the lay of the land. It doesn't matter what our norm is but what keeps you both in a happy relationship.

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