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Thread: Need Advice(from mostly ladies) How to figure what I am looking for in a person

  1. #1

    Question Need Advice(from mostly ladies) How to figure what I am looking for in a person

    To start off this is not a post trying to find a person to date I am just looking for advice to help me determine what I should be looking for in a person and a way to best describe it online.

    I apologize for being long winded but just need some help.

    The past few weeks I am struggling with the question of what I am looking for in a person. I didn't like using fetlife and other certain dating sites. I am asking myself if I decide to try sites again, I am struggling with What to put in a profile that will best help me find a person for me that will not reject my profile upon viewing and will help them be more willing to get to know me further.

    the main concern I say I have is that I say I am a switch. I do want to do the Daddy role, and I also want to be in the baby role. That is kinda the whole point of being switch. But the problem I find, is that most of the women I have come across are more into, not wanting a switch or they are worried that if I like to wear diapers that eventually I will want to be the baby all the time and they will not get as much little. I have not had chance to explore either side yet. So I can not say I am going to be a certain percentage of baby/daddy ratio. So I am having trouble with how to descried all this in a way that does not make them shy away from considering me. All I know for sure about my little side is that I need it when I am sick or feeling sad and mostly at night because my little side is more about getting affection and comfort and night is mostly when I feel lonely and sad. So I feel like I would need it most at night.

    Secondly I am on disability, so therefore I am home all day. My biggest concern is that if I find someone and they work, the only time that we would have to explore would be at night. I am worried that we will have a conflict between who will get to be little at night because that person will be tired and worn out from work and less likely to want to be mommy.

    Because of my type of disability sometimes I am in pain that can last several days, and that is when I feel like I need mommy the most, but also because I am in that pain I can not really be daddy during those times. It makes me feel like they will see me as demanding and being selfish and using it as an excuse to get out of giving them the time they need to be little. I do not want to feel like I am a burden to them. There is a possibility that my blindness will progress and I will no longer be able to fulfill my daddy duties. I worry how to explain that so there are no surprises in the future, with out them seeing that and instantly rejecting me because they will not want to take care of me more if that happens.

    Sometimes I feel my baby to daddy ratio is 60/40. i want to be able to explain in a sense what percentage i am because I have been asked before how often I am daddy or baby. I can at least say how often I want to wear, but with not having fully explored that side I do not want to misrepresent myself or be accused of lying about it.

    I am not sure what I should be looking for. Should I look for some one who is AB with a mommy side, or just a mommy who does not mind be little here and there or should I try to find someone who is incontinent yet open minded to the AB side of things. My concern is if I find someone that is AB I want My relationship to be based on adult life with the little stuff on the side. I like to have mature conversations. I don't mind the little talk, but I do not want to do constant role play. Doing that is an emotional bond for me and I get attached to easily, so I want to get to know a woman as an adult, I want to actually know about the adult aspects of her life first and foremost. Then we can explore the AB side of life. In the past I have had it where if a woman is AB she jumps right into wanting to be treated like a little with out even getting to know each other first as adults and does not want to have any "big" conversations. Also they tend to just not want to have that mommy side and talk like an adult. I also do not want a mommy that only wants me to be a baby. I do not really do the baby talk. I have had times when talking to someone about normal life and adult things, they turn around and tell me a little boy should not talk like that.

    Another this is I have been told when I have talked to incontinent women and say that I do not mind that they need to wear, they have come out and said "well that is because you are into the diapers." It hurt my feelings that they think that just because I am into diapers, that I can't actually care about them and support them for who they are, and not just because they are in diapers.
    I am also worried that asking an incontinent person to be mommy or little will cause them to get upset. How do I bring up this sensitive subject without them having negative feelings toward me or the community. I have seen those who are incontinent talk about how the AB community has treated them and I want to find a way ask the question with out making the situation worse or causing them to have more negative feeling toward the ABDL community.

    So I am looking for advice on how to start general conversations because at this point all I would know about this woman is that she is either incontinent, ABDL, or a mommy. I am not good at starting conversations outside of Hi, how are you, how you doing and asking the general what do you like type of thing. I wanted to get perspective from the women on what they like a guy to talk about in order to get to know them better as a person. I just want to know how do I describe myself and what kind of person I am looking for, how to start a conversation and keep a person interested, because I always feel I am not the most interesting person, and many women, if you can not keep their interest, will move on to the next person. So I am just looking for help here.


    PS. keep in mind that my living situation is such that I can not not explore my little/daddy side privately until I save up the money to move. So please do not comment that I should explore this side before looking for anyone, because I can not do so in my current situation.

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by DeathScorpion View Post
    To start off this is not a post trying to find a person to date I am just looking for advice to help me determine what I should be looking for in a person and a way to best describe it [...]

    The past few weeks I am struggling with the question of what I am looking for in a person. [...] help me find a person for me that will not reject [...] and will help them be more willing to get to know me further.

    [...]So I am having trouble with how to descried all this in a way that does not make them shy away from considering me. [...]

    Secondly I am on disability, [...]

    Because of my type of disability sometimes I am in pain that can last several days,[...] I do not want to feel like I am a burden to them. There is a possibility that my blindness will progress[...]I worry how to explain that so there are no surprises in the future, with out them seeing that and instantly rejecting me because they will not want to take care of me more if that happens.

    [...] I do not want to misrepresent myself or be accused of lying about it.
    [...] I want My relationship to be based on adult life with the little stuff on the side. I like to have mature conversations. [...] so I want to get to know a woman as an adult, I want to actually know about the adult aspects of her life first and foremost. [...]

    Another this is I have been told when I have talked to incontinent women and say that I do not mind that they need to wear, they have come out and said "well that is because you are into the diapers." It hurt my feelings that they think that just because I am into diapers, that I can't actually care about them and support them for who they are, and not just because they are in diapers.[...]

    So I am looking for advice on how to start general conversations [...]I wanted to get perspective from the women on what they like a guy to talk about in order to get to know them better as a person. I just want to know how do I describe myself and what kind of person I am looking for, how to start a conversation and keep a person interested, because I always feel I am not the most interesting person, and many women, if you can not keep their interest, will move on to the next person. So I am just looking for help here.


    PS. keep in mind that my living situation is such that I can not not explore [...] I can not do so in my current situation.
    DeathScorpion,

    I've reduced ([...]) much from the quote above... as a suggestion as to where to start... as I believe that you have most of the answers already, & with too much AB/DL centricity... in context to your query...

    Most polite folks, will not want incontinence to be put right out there at the forefront either... particularly when they are not of the AB/DL persuasion...

    So, when you go on about being mommies and daddies, and littles, etc... then say to incontinent folks...

    "...that I do not mind that they need to wear..."
    ... you've already placed the context of what to expect by your acceptance of their need to wear... What reason would one have, to take it any other way, other than

    "well that is because you are into the diapers."
    ?

    I'm sure you meant well, but it's probably nothing for you to need hurt feelings about either...

    I'm of the volition that one ought to start with the basics in relations and compatibilities, including friendships, before throwing the whole AB/DL kit & caboodle out there right from the start... If you aren't doing it to be deceitful, or lying by omission, then it won't be that... Give something a chance to build from all of your other qualities and interests first... and, if it looks like it could really go somewhere... then slowly introduce the more delicate issues...

    I understand and appreciate your intentions for being up-front, and honest... I'd also like to suggest how this approach (never-minding intentions for the moment)... can be analogous to to you doing something like...

    Meeting a woman, and saying "hi how are you"... then stripping down to a diaper, and popping a binky in your mouth... while babbling about... or suggesting/demanding something of the sort from her...

    While you (hopefully) wouldn't dare do such an actual demonstration of this sort...

    I'm suggesting that your approach may create a mental image/impression, or indication of importance, of the same nature to your intended suitees... and, even for other AB/DL's... this can be too forward, and AB/DL centric... it's not proportionately balanced... except perhaps for an AB/DL hook-up kind of affair...

    Whether it be your diaper/ role-play interests, your disabilities, your living arrangements, etc...

    The first thing to do is to begin with someone who indicates compatibility both-ways between the two of you... Personality, general interest, philosophies, and the sort... as without that... what would you reasonably expect to build and grow from?

    From:Tutorial-Cheat-Sheet-to-a-Great-Introduction


    this is a step-by-step guide to turning what may be nervous chills into a confident, well-rounded introduction to the site.

    Following this tutorial will likely get you some early respect. Just answer these questions in your intro, and you're all set:
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    1) Hello! Who are you?

    No need to use your name, age, or where you live here. In fact, we do not care about any of that, especially not when you're just introducing yourself. We actually find that creepy, and it's your fast track to not being well received, so avoid it. Instead, let us know a few basics about your personality or what you are up to, career or school wise.


    2) What brings you here? (interest in diapers/regression)

    This is your only place to share with us what your interest in diapers is in your introduction. That's right, almost everyone here has an interest in diapers, and that's why we're all here. After this, do not mention diapers again in your intro post! This is because:

    3) Diapers do not rule our lives! What are your other interests? (besides diapers/regression)

    This is critical! To be well received here, you must tell us a bit more about yourself. We really aren't asking for a lot here. We just want to know what you like to do with your spare time. Are you a techy? A gamer? A writer? An automotive mechanic? Trust me, you are not alone here. Most every member here has a job or a hobby, goes to school, or at least has some sort of life outside of diapers.

    (Note: Don't worry about people being able to trace this stuff from Google. Many people probably share the same interests as you, and this will not make you identifiable!)


    4) What are you looking for out of this site? What would you love to do here?

    There had to be a reason you joined this site. Are you looking for support, because that is our main function and goal? Are you looking to find other like-minded people who share the same diaper fascination as you, but are willing to talk about other things as well? Did you come here for the stories or just to lurk around and get support through reading only? No need to be shy, just let us know!

    (Note: Notice how I didn't include wanting to meet up with people or find a good date? That is because we are not a dating, match making, or locals finding site! Include any of that stuff into your introduction, and not only will your intro be seen as creepy, but it may even get shut down with you being asked to try again, or worse.)

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    So, follow those steps and answer those 4 questions, and you will be in much better shape than if you hadn't. You will be making friends and becoming a thriving member of this community in no time.

    Once more, welcome to ADISC! I hope you enjoy your stay.
    One good exercise that you may try... is to follow the guidelines above, for making an introduction here at ADISC, and make an introduction... we can maybe help a bit more... when we know a bit more about you...

    Respectfully, and my best for you!
    -Marka

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