Well, I thought things were going better between my wife and I but just lately they have taken a nose-dive. I really want to hold this marriage together but it seems to be increasingly difficult. I post the current state of affairs in hope of some insightful comment that may help us....
1. Some people get through this by keeping everything separate. For example, I have read many times things like 'my wife really is not into the diapers but she lets me wear when she is not around.' Well, that is really difficult for me. I fantasize a LOT about her involvement - it seems to be something I really crave. She has done a little in the past but it is not easy for her and so we both end up getting frustrated. So, she feels that what she has tried is not good enough and so there is no point trying anymore - in effect, she is done with diapers altogether. Although she has said this, it is probably not completely true - I think she might give it another chance under the right circumstances.
2. I think one of her fears is that when she does give me something, it will not be enough and I will want more and more. She might be right, I don't know. I think there could be some truth there but I also like to think I have limits and would not keep pushing her for more.
3. One of the problems we have had in the past when she has been more willing to work on things is the requirement that I ask for what I want. This is really hard for me - outside of this group, I still have a great deal of trouble talking about diapers - especially specifics. I asked if she could initiate and I even sent her an e-mail with the kinds of things she could do but she insists that I ask verbally for exactly what I want. I just can't get over the difficulty of doing this so instead I say nothing and just get frustrated and go to bed in a bad mood. I think this is a really big problem, any suggestions?
4. She has set a bunch of boundary conditions that include.... i) I never wear around the kids. This is difficult since they are all over the place, all the time. I would think if I had everything covered up properly it would be okay but she is pretty firm about this. I love to wear in the mornings which makes it even harder. Should I see if she will compromise on this or accept this boundary condition? ii) She does not want me using my diapers around her (I never mess but always wet). To me there is no point wearing them if I can't wet them. Those are the two that affect me the most - any comments?
Well, that's about all for now. I welcome suggestions as to how we proceed.