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Thread: Question

  1. #1

    Default Question

    Hi everyone,
    I am new to this so I hope I have categorised this in the right area,
    One of my dear friends, is a bit of a tom boy, so much in fact, that she wears male underwear.
    I would like to know why but I am afraid to ask the question. She has been completely open with me about it and she was the one who told me.

    I am sort of attracted to this in a way, I donít know why, I find it kind of cute in a way but I am starting to wonder if liking her makes me homosexual. I mean, I believe that if we were to enter into a relationship, I would tend to do all the female things. I am more feminine that masculine in my ways, I find it easier to talk to females and I can relate to them more.
    Regards, a very confused AKOL

  2. #2


    No being attracted to a female that might have some "masculine" traits or sense of dress doesn't make you homosexual.

    I think you probably just need to seriously consider:

    Do you find the male form attractive?

    Do you find the female form attractive?

    Funny thing in this brave new world I see there are gender fluid people.... this might be simplifying it but as far as I understand gender fluid people might feel male one day and female the next and I guess if you mix in the concept of bisexuality could be born male, consider themselves female one day attracted to females making them lesbian in their own existence and straight to the outside world and the next day consider themselves female but attracted to males making them straight in their own existence and homosexual to the world at large.

    While you are young I get you have to be careful around your family and friends for fear of upsetting them (or them getting the wrong idea) but take it from someone older BE YOURSELF as soon as you can so you enjoy your life more.

    So AKOL how do you define yourself?

  3. #3


    If she has been open to you about it, why not just ask her why?

  4. #4


    It's worth considering you're attracted to her only when you see her/imagine her in mens underwear, or whether you have other sexual feelings towards her.

    However, finding a woman in mens' clothing attractive doesn't necessarily mean you're gay. Plenty of heterosexual guys think it looks sexy when their GF/Partner/Wife wear one of the man's shirts, or t-shirts or his jacket. I don't have a logical explanation for why this is, but it's very common. I think if I find a woman attractive, I'll probably find her sexy if she wore boxer briefs - especially as there's something a bit unique and different about it.

    Also, being an effeminate man doesn't necessarily mean you're gay. I know hetero guys with female partners who behave in more stereotypically 'macho' ways than the man. There's a common myth that men who aren't traditionally masculine are probably gay. In truth, there are heterosexual guys who are unassertive, enjoy talking about 'girly' topics and don't enjoy typically manly hobbies. There are also homosexual guys who fit the Alpha Male stereotype perfectly.

    So in short, I wouldn't worry. What you've described in this post doesn't suggest to me that you're gay - though if you were, I think we live in an age where that's becoming less and less of an obstacle in relationships and within society in general.

    As Argent said, none of us really fit these outdated norms, and gender and sexual identity is fluid - and can change over time. Anyway, the feelings you're having a normal and harmless - and I encourage you think about and explore them, without considering the conclusions you find as empirical proof that you're Heterosexual/Homosexual, or that you fit one rigid, unhelpful idea of manhood.

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