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Thread: Got yelled at today that I should be more adult

  1. #1

    Default Got yelled at today that I should be more adult

    I was stunned when my brother yelled at me that I should be more adult. Here I am diapered 24/7. I have other people change me every few hours. I'm hand fed every meal. I get full help bathing and dressing. I rarely walk and use a wheelchair or stroller everywhere and my brother wants me to be more adult? When I asked him how and why he just got quiet. It bothered me to see him so mad, and I am confused by the whole thing. I was alone with him, none of my aides were in the room at that time.

  2. #2

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    I wonder why this is bothering him so much. Maybe you two could talk more about it, really get to the root of why he wants this from you. Really get into why your situation is bothering him, what he's looking for. Maybe he just might get more quiet about it, but he's family. Maybe it's worth a good shot, especially if it bothered you to see him so mad. Hopefully you two can work this out.

  3. #3

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    We don't see each other much. We are not often close geographicly ( he lives in Ohio with his family, I live in New York and my aides are my family). He is not disabled and I have been severely disabled from birth. We have had very different experiences and lead very different lives. I will try to talk to him but he left for Ohio last night. it is really hard not having a close family that understands that I do the best I can with the situations I have been handed

  4. #4

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    I don't know your brother, so his motivation for saying this could be any number of things - so here are a few things I think might have motivated him to say this.

    He could be frustrated on your behalf at the things you have to deal with as part of your CP, but not know how to show that. There were things I found difficult with my disability which my family tried to get me to do so that I had a good chance of being able to do as much for myself as was reasonably possible. Some of it, I thought, was trying to force me to develop an independence I wasn't quite sure I could manage. I don't think they liked the idea of me struggling, and maybe your brother feels the same way. Maybe it's a misguided attempt to try and help you find ways to overcope physical problems which realistically, he knows you can't.

    It could be a sense of misplaced jealousy. If you're cared for 24/7, that can seem like an appealing thing for someone who only gets a glimpse of your life - especially if he feels it gives you a closer bond than him, with your family members. If your brother isn't around enough to see all the pain and the limitations which CP causes you, but sees people doting on you and looking after you - it might seem frustrating to him that he has to do everything for himself.

    Finally, he could just find it awkward. Unfortunately, some people - even people who are kind in a lot of ways - get uncomfortable around disability. He might be lashing out because he finds it difficult to deal with the idea of his adult sibling being changed, hand-fed and bathed by carers. Disability can seem strange for people who have no first-hand experience of being disabled, and can lead to them getting fears about their own health, and lashing out. Would that be fair on you? Absolutely not. Could I understand why your CP might bring out some personal fears for him? Yeah.

  5. #5

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    It could be a combination of many of those things. He left home when I was 10. I'm 38 now. My dad was my caregiver back when I was a child, my brother who is older then me was not involved in my care much.

  6. #6

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    Arietta - Sorry to hear that your brother got so mad at you. I am sure he will get over it. You KNOW that brothers and sisters will argue at times....lol. I certainly know I have with my sis in the past and am sure we will in the future. We siblings always seem to get over it after time.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by CPDude View Post
    We don't see each other much. We are not often close geographicly ( he lives in Ohio with his family, I live in New York and my aides are my family). He is not disabled and I have been severely disabled from birth. We have had very different experiences and lead very different lives. I will try to talk to him but he left for Ohio last night. it is really hard not having a close family that understands that I do the best I can with the situations I have been handed
    I know you've probably already considered this, but is talking over Facebook or something possible? I mean.. sometimes I can be even more comfortable talking about this kinda stuff over a private message. You lead very different lives but you guys are family! You should try your best to see eye-to-eye.. I mean, hopefully anyway. I think it's worth trying, rather then leaving things all tense and stuff.

  8. #8

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    What did he mean by more adult? Getting over your disability?

  9. #9

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    Well I for one want to say that sucks!!!!!! It bothers me that people can still be like that for people with disabilities "you need to be more adult" sounds to me like he is the one that needs to grow up!!! I have nothing but despise for people who treat disabled people with unkindness I just can't believe people still do that uuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhh!!!

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by BluefireJay05 View Post
    Well I for one want to say that sucks!!!!!! It bothers me that people can still be like that for people with disabilities "you need to be more adult" sounds to me like he is the one that needs to grow up!!! I have nothing but despise for people who treat disabled people with unkindness I just can't believe people still do that uuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhh!!!
    I'd rather not assume the worst. He said something insensitive, but it could very well be because he knows CPDude in person and thinks that even with a disability, there are things CPDude could do to be better off in life.

    That's really what you want to try and figure out, CPDude. He said that because there's something he's seeing that bothered him. If you can call him or email and ask what it was that bothered him and how he thinks you should act instead, you can get some insight into his thinking.

    It may be that he's seeing something you're not and could give some really good advice if he learned to explain it in a more sensitive way. Or, it coukd be that he's misunderstanding something about you and if he knew better, he would not have said that.

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