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Thread: Depression

  1. #1

    Default Depression

    So... People are all going, "Ah, i am sad occasionally, i have depression" and i am sick of that, i have searched online and it doesn't really match anything i found.

    Around a friend (yes, a singular) I am always upbeat and happy, always telling jokes and always laughing. But in a group any bigger then 3 i get reclusive, sometimes i start to get this really sad feeling, like they are excluding me. I know that could just be introversion but it is not the whole part.

    Alone i usually feel dull, sometimes it only takes a simple conversation with parents or being lost in thought to send me down a spiral of unhappiness. I start feeling empty on the inside and get these weird thoughts, like how life is not even worth it, some thoughts ponder if the human body can survive a 35FT drop unto pavement or grass.

    I HATE my thoughts. It starts innocent enough about whatever subject, but almost always does it lead to my brain reminding me of what a miserable little sack of **** i am. I am literally throwing my life out in exchange for short term happiness and have to rely on others so i don't feel sad all the time. That alone can send me into a spiral of self loathing leading to darker thoughts leading to more self loathing and even darker thoughts and so on and so forth.

    Nobody IRL knows about this, i am not the heartfelt type around real people. If i told my mom... Well she says she is educated in this, but she has an international certificate for treating Alcohol and Drug abuse. As well as ADHD coaching, which have nothing to do with it (I have been sober since i was born, i once tasted whine from like a bottlecap when i was like 14 but that was just for curiosiity, never touched any of this again). She is all 'natural solutions' and stuff, so instead to take me to a medically trained professional she would adjust my diet (Which consists of barely nothing but bread and fruits due to her being a health freak and forcing it uppon the family) Which would likely cause me to starve because she would make me eat something disgusting for every meal of the day. She would give me loads of herbs and Omega fatty acids and god knows what other to try an make me feel better.

    I am currently failing at school because i don't study because i feel sad and depressed when i am alone, and if i get bored (like with studying) it gets even worse. My mom has explicitly stated that if i fail school i will have to pay rent to stay at home, that means get a job and get screamed at by some cranky boss who has a specific way of doing everything (I have had a guy like that before) which makes me feel even worse.

    I just feel like i am going closer and closer to the edge, and in a few years i will not be able to take it anymore and... well, go off the edge, both in a metaphorical and a literal way...

    I don't know if you would classify this as depression, but it certainly isn't fun feeling drained of all life every time you are alone.

    I also happen to be extremely pessimistic for a reason, when someone says that they can't hang out because of something, i think that it is because i am annoying and a burden and not because of someone's 4 year old niece's birthday... I used to be realistic, but when my reality became my fears, that realism turned dark real fast.

    I think i covered it all in this post, if there is something you'd like to point out, please ask me, i can answer anything you ask

  2. #2

    Default

    You may just want to take a break then. Don't let little things get in your way of life. To me, your not miserable or not-fun in anyway, your funny to me and I found your stuff to be quite helpful. You need good things, not bad things. Anything that is bad will make the situation you are in even worse.

    I would say you need to go out and find someone to hang out with who you find happy, and do things that make you happy. That's the only way to most likely get out of your depression stage. Being depressed is hurtful, I know because I suffered a whole year with it when I was 17 and it is not a good experience. What I have learned from it I can tell you how you can cope with it. You think your brain would cause something like that? Then you need brain-food. What helps is a perfect night sleep to stop worrying, hanging out with a positive group to be alert and happy, and last but not least, be yourself (The happy Zenka "I" know)

    Do things that enlighten you, make you laugh, giggle, smile, anything that has a positive effect will lower the negative effect away from your body. It may slowly come back and nobody can be happy forever but you will slowly kill maybe 1% of depression from your body. Another inspiring reason is to engage in some school activities like music, soccer, etc...That will take your mind off of things and this is a rumor but I have seen it happen, doing creative things in school will process your brain and make you think easier because all the negative energy is stored away while the joy is processing through your body. Why? It's telling your body that you don't have time to deal with depression and you need the good blood to harness inside you. You will probably have to crack down in school work and there are a bunch of tutors on your campus i'm sure off that are willing to help you for free and you can focus on getting back on track, when someone is at a point of no return, there is always hope because I have been in that boat when I was trying to graduate my 9th grade year back then.

    It does hurt to be alone so the few things you can do is hang out with some internet friends. They may not be physically by your side but they are internet wise. They love to chat with you, goof-off, probably play any games with you. Is it because of your time-zone, true friends will always make time to hang out or find some time. If I have to stay up all night to hang out with you, I will and I don't care about college if it means to give a slice of pizza to a friend in need .

    Work does have it's qualities. I never had a job but I hear it all the time. Do this my way! Load the truck! Be back in 15 minutes. Unfortunately, that is life and we can't do anything but to impress the boss at work so we don't get frustrated at him and burn down his office the next day.

    Try listening to this. No lyrics because it's all blahblahblah and it's funny. You need positive attributes to keep you going and following the yellow brick road.



    I hope you feel better soon *hugs*
    Last edited by Snivy; 24-Oct-2014 at 04:08. Reason: Wanted to give a virtual hug

  3. #3

    Default

    I've always followed your threads and to put it short I've been interested in how you're doing over time, so I hoped that some answers may help you in any way possible. Which they surely did.

    In the end however it seems like that you cannot get out of this hole by yourself. You're stuck and that sucks. You should not endure it all by yourself, especially if you're also afraid about telling how you feel to close people, despite that you do not know that they can help honestly. Which is also to be specific very likely not the case. They may rather feel under pressure by telling this, so I completely understand how you feel about not letting them know.
    All credits to your mom about her work and what she's doing. But to put it bluntly is she not specialized for mental problems. Which a depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress disorder or anything similar are. Besides that you seriously don't need to be afraid about having been drinking a bottlecap of whine with 14. Getting drunk would obviously be bad at a young age. But sometimes you're also getting small amount in your daily meals, and that doesn't hurt. As another example it's also common giving jewish babys a bit of whine during their circumcision.

    Anyway, playing around with your diet may of course help if you would suffer from any intoxications, or a certain food intolerance, as also problems with your cholesterol and similar things/diseases where you'd need a certain diet all the time or once in a while. Secondly, specify "something disgusting" *giggles*.... I mean fruits and vegetables are of course healthy, but if you're no vegetarian, and probably not eating tons of soj, milk or food made out of them to get enough protein and iron (among others), then it's okay to eat meat, you need too.
    As also, if you may not know it, there are some foods which make us feel better, a bit, it's no miracle but it has small effects on your serotonin levels. Carbohydrate rich meals increase serotonin levels. Some people may experience a temporary lift in mood after eating this kind of foot, while others may become relaxed or sleepy. However, usually they aren't the healthiest choices either. Especially candy and sweets, which are simple carbohydrates, have the greatest impact, but the effect will only last some hours and they're obviously bad for your shape. Complex carbohydrates like rice, pasta, bread, potatoes can increase serotonin levels by small amounts. It's also called the Happiness paper hat of the food pyramid (click)
    To be honest I wouldn't survive a week without pasta, oat flakes and chocolate. Since... well you know chocolate is basically the same in raw masses as love biochemically.
    However those kinds of food are obviously a bad choice for working out, as also for losing weight and being healthy at the same time.

    Anyway, that's not the problem, but perhaps it helps you a bit if you try. As also for keeping yourself occupied and getting your mind off things. My honest advice is that you should seek professional help. It's your best choice.
    It's way better as spending an eternity feeling bad all by yourself without being able to help yourself properly, since you simply don't know how to. No matter what it might be why you're feeling bad. It could simply be your current situation, which you're unable to change right now, but this also has an impact on your well-being in the end.And even if this situation keeps going on for ages it could lead to something more like a depression. So no matter if it might be one or not it is okay for you to seek help. You don't need to be afraid about anything, not even your mother. In the end I think is that she also wants you to feel better and this would be the right choice. As it's also your right to feel good.

    If reality just turns dark for you and if you're feeling like going closer and closer to the edge, then something is off. It's not right, it's not fair at all for yourself and that's why you should do something about it, please.
    Since you're from Iceland you should be able to get an appointment rather easy, right? I only know it's easier as in my place.


    Best wishes and feel hugged.
    Last edited by daLira; 24-Oct-2014 at 02:56. Reason: spelling mistakes

  4. #4

    Default

    All good advise from above, so I don't have a whole lot to add. I also wondered about diet. If we are missing something essential in our diet, it can affect our mood. Exercise is important because it produces Endorphines that make us feel better. This is one reason why I get out on my bike and ride our bike trail.

    More importantly, if this is a continuing problem, you should get professional health. Feeling that you are sh... is very harmful. Almost everyone has worth. Studying in school and working hard will make you feel better about yourself. I experienced a lot of depression when I was a senior in high school, and I made myself work through it. At least by studying and reading, my mind was occupied with school work, rather than stressing over my many problems. By not studying, you are only contributing to your lack of self worth, which is very harmful.

    I hope things will improve for you.

  5. #5

    Default

    Depression from a medical perspective is diagnosed by matching it with certain criteria, as well as taking into account the vignette (story and history).
    - Lack of concentration
    - Guilt with no reason
    - Loss of appetite or gain of appetite
    - Sleep problems
    - Psychomotor agitation (feeling jittery)
    - Fixation with death, suicidal thoughts
    - Loss of interests (anhedonia)
    - Lack of energy/loss of motivation.

    Given your story, which contains evidence of a large number of the above criteria, I would have to recommend seeing a health professional. Tell your mother you trust her and love her, but that as a professional she should see it as her role to ensure you get the best of care - if necessary, remind her it's unethical to treat your own family.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by daLira View Post
    I've always followed your threads and to put it short I've been interested in how you're doing over time, so I hoped that some answers may help you in any way possible. Which they surely did.

    In the end however it seems like that you cannot get out of this hole by yourself. You're stuck and that sucks. You should not endure it all by yourself, especially if you're also afraid about telling how you feel to close people, despite that you do not know that they can help honestly. Which is also to be specific very likely not the case. They may rather feel under pressure by telling this, so I completely understand how you feel about not letting them know.
    All credits to your mom about her work and what she's doing. But to put it bluntly is she not specialized for mental problems. Which a depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress disorder or anything similar are. Besides that you seriously don't need to be afraid about having been drinking a bottlecap of whine with 14. Getting drunk would obviously be bad at a young age. But sometimes you're also getting small amount in your daily meals, and that doesn't hurt. As another example it's also common giving jewish babys a bit of whine during their circumcision.

    Anyway, playing around with your diet may of course help if you would suffer from any intoxications, or a certain food intolerance, as also problems with your cholesterol and similar things/diseases where you'd need a certain diet all the time or once in a while. Secondly, specify "something disgusting" *giggles*.... I mean fruits and vegetables are of course healthy, but if you're no vegetarian, and probably not eating tons of soj, milk or food made out of them to get enough protein and iron (among others), then it's okay to eat meat, you need too.
    As also, if you may not know it, there are some foods which make us feel better, a bit, it's no miracle but it has small effects on your serotonin levels. Carbohydrate rich meals increase serotonin levels. Some people may experience a temporary lift in mood after eating this kind of foot, while others may become relaxed or sleepy. However, usually they aren't the healthiest choices either. Especially candy and sweets, which are simple carbohydrates, have the greatest impact, but the effect will only last some hours and they're obviously bad for your shape. Complex carbohydrates like rice, pasta, bread, potatoes can increase serotonin levels by small amounts. It's also called the Happiness paper hat of the food pyramid (click)
    To be honest I wouldn't survive a week without pasta, oat flakes and chocolate. Since... well you know chocolate is basically the same in raw masses as love biochemically.
    However those kinds of food are obviously a bad choice for working out, as also for losing weight and being healthy at the same time.

    Anyway, that's not the problem, but perhaps it helps you a bit if you try. As also for keeping yourself occupied and getting your mind off things. My honest advice is that you should seek professional help. It's your best choice.
    It's way better as spending an eternity feeling bad all by yourself without being able to help yourself properly, since you simply don't know how to. No matter what it might be why you're feeling bad. It could simply be your current situation, which you're unable to change right now, but this also has an impact on your well-being in the end.And even if this situation keeps going on for ages it could lead to something more like a depression. So no matter if it might be one or not it is okay for you to seek help. You don't need to be afraid about anything, not even your mother. In the end I think is that she also wants you to feel better and this would be the right choice. As it's also your right to feel good.

    If reality just turns dark for you and if you're feeling like going closer and closer to the edge, then something is off. It's not right, it's not fair at all for yourself and that's why you should do something about it, please.
    Since you're from Iceland you should be able to get an appointment rather easy, right? I only know it's easier as in my place.


    Best wishes and feel hugged.
    I have heard some vitamin deficiency's can also contribut to depression also lack vitamin d and the b's
    Taking those have been sead to help mood.
    Talk to a school counselor for some help.
    Give your DR. a call your 18 you can choose to go your self or come up with something you need to see your DR. for
    Plus some depression drugs can make things much worse my sister was trying to kill her self on them she almost did get it done.

  7. #7

    Default

    Hi Zenka

    I think everyone has covered the basics and I really do not have a lot to add.

    Do consider professional help.
    Yes talk to your mother, but get a different provider that can look and talk to you subjectively.
    Do look into your diet, and make sure that there is an appropriate balance.
    Vitamin D is a big thing in the Northwest USA and I can imagine that Iceland would have even more difficulties getting enough light to keep the levels normal especially in the fall and winter.

    The other thing to consider is it might be beneficial to take a break from school and get a job. The problem with that is getting back to school and finishing your degree.

    Best wishes and I hope the group helps you through these tough times.

  8. #8

    Default

    Well i tried to reply to this after my first class but my phone went full retard and wouldn't bring up the keyboard when i wanted to write a reply (well, it came up but went down as soon as it was up).

    So my diet consists of mainly; bread, sandwiches, toasts and apples. Dinner is the only diversity i get, and sometime we have the same thing 2 nights in a row then again another 2 days in a row not even a week later. My younger sister is... well not lactose intollerant, but milk is bad for her and apperantly was the reason why she was snoring and wetting the bed (yes, my younger sister that is 11 wet the bed, instead of conventional methods my mom changed her diet and now she barely eats as well). She also has crazy mood-swings if she eats anything containing Sodium Nitrate (For those of you who don't know that that is it is better known as E250, a preservitive used in most processed meat products) and thus very little meat is bought, only unprocessed meat which is a lot more expensive and is only sold at specific stores, including not one from around near us.

    I have told her about how sick and tired I am of this 'diet', Bread is almost the only thing i have eaten between meals for the last 5 years. But when i asked her about it she said, and i quote "While you live in my house you eat what i have to offer, i will not have you bring some filth into my home". What she has to offer is almost nothing. She tries to make boozt for us, with REAL fruit, and some disgusting protein powder and almond milk in it so it is horrid. She is always telling me that there are a lot more things to eat other than bread, but bread is the only thing that doesn't taste like it was excreted from a sheep's back end.

    She acts like she is such and incredible cook but she even messes up the popcorn (From a pot). I have never had chicken from her that was not either too soggy or too dry. She tried to make chocolate with organic cocoa and, you guessed it, almond milk. She always uses wayyyy to much coco so it tastes actually bitter.

    So... Any more questions?

  9. #9

    Default

    I don't get into this section of the forum much, So I wanted to bump this, and find out how you are doing this week. I don't have any good advice, but I do have empathy.

  10. #10

    Default

    You know some of what you said and how you feel reminded me a little about myself. With "I hate my thoughts" yeah I hated my thoughts to because they just kept telling me that all of this isn't even worth it and what is the point? If I'm around a crowd of people it would make me feel insignificant since my mind would start comparing myself to them when they interacted with others like it mattered so much. A couple years back I even stopped hanging out with everyone I grew up with since all their life was about was drugs and even stealing. Yes I did do some of that but not stealing so one day I decided to stop and yet I was still hanging out with them. I might of stopped smoking but I hated being around it still. So I eventually came to the conclusion that I needed to stop hanging out with them. I did and I felt good at first but I then started feeling unhappy and sad. I had depression in the past already from being in a house with constant yelling and screaming every single day so my depression amplified to the point life seemed pointless to me.

    Recently though I realized life doesn't have to be as hard as you make it out to be. If life had no purpose then why is their life? Yeah I understand your situation I know not fully but at least a glimpse from what you wrote about it. Your mom it would make me frustrated to if I told my mom how I felt and she just basically told me to deal with it since this is her house. Then school I started failing to from not giving a crap anymore caused by depression. The thing is though you need to start feeling better about yourself. Yes I agree with everyone above me and the great advice they gave you. You need to go see a specialist so they can work with you and help you overcome what is ailing you

    It all starts with you though. Even though life might be very hard right now and it has been hard for your whole life it doesn't mean it will be like this forever. You are strong enough to where you want to make change in your life and that is good but just wanting change doesn't mean anything unless you enforce it. It is good that you came here to ask for help since you don't know what else to you. So with the new advice you have been given from everyone that has posted on here rethink to yourself "What should I do now?" Tell your mom what you have been feeling I know it can be hard to even say anything but at least start somewhere even if it is just a "I have been unhappy" and just go from there. I know what I said might not help much but I have a lot of empathy for people and just seeing a post like this I had to say something. I hope the best for you.

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