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Thread: Has anyone gotten over losing someone you care about?

  1. #1

    Default Has anyone gotten over losing someone you care about?

    It's been 10 years since my grandpa died, but some days I still find it hard to accept that the sun still rises when he's gone. No matter how much I tell myself he would want me to be happy, I can't get past it. That's not to say it interferes that much with my day to day life that much, but it still hurts A LOT. A few months ago I went and visited his grave, and to my surprise I could barely stop myself from crying. How did you get past losing the one person you cared about more than anyone else?

  2. #2


    You and your grandpa must have had a very special relationship. That's something to cherish, and hopefully you have some good and happy feelings when you think of him. But 10 years is a long time. That means you must have been about 9 when he died? That's a rough age to lose someone. You're old enough now that if it is still that painful for you, you should talk with someone like a grief counselor about it. I've lost plenty of people over my life time. And while there is always a sadness and sense of loss when thinking about them, the pain of that loss has diminished over time. I hope it does for you, too.

  3. #3


    I don't think you every truly get over losing a loved one, but I managed to come to terms with my Mom dying - though it took me a long time. I think being 11 meant that at first I had trouble grasping the concept that I'd never see her again, and the first few weeks after she passed away, I'd wonder if it was her every time the phone rang, or I'd lay awake at night wondering if they'd mixed her up with someone else in the hospital and she was okay.

    Gradually, I accepted that my Mom wasn't coming back, and for at least a couple of years afterwards I struggled with depression and ruminated on the few occasions when we'd argued or I'd said something which had made her upset (despite the fact we generally had a very close, loving bond). I've 'gotten over' her death in the sense that I've made peace with the fact it happened, and accept that she won't be there to join in celebrations in our family like weddings, the birth of children or milestones in our lives. That still hurts like hell, but I know that there's nothing I or anyone else can do about it - and that she'd want us all to live happy lives without constantly ruminating on the past. I'm sure your Grandpa would feel the same way about you, Demonic.

  4. #4


    I lost a lot of very cherished people at a young age: a partner to suicide, a best friend who relapsed on drugs and then walked into the middle of a highway where he was promptly hit and killed by a car, a friend who ended her life when she became pregnant and her boyfriend took off on her, a close friend who died from the AIDS virus at a time when it was a death sentence. In more recent years, my abusive father passed away from cancer. There have been others, coworkers, acquaintances, and grandparents who I did not know very well. It's all part of the cycle of life.

    Losing people in my early twenties was one of the hardest things I ever had to live through. So many people dying around me, themselves so young, yet I felt I was living in an old folks home by the way they were all leaving this world with no warning. I've learned to deal with the grief and loss, and eventually I was able to focus and remember instead the special relationships I had with each of them.

    You never get over the loss of people who were an important person in your life, simply because they influence you, they help define you, and they make you a better person. Regardless of the fact that they are gone, a part of them still lives on inside you, a part which you will continue to share with the world.

    When I lost my partner to suicide, I was numb and in shock when I found out about it. I didn't even cry at the funeral because it all just seemed so surreal. It wasn't until I went home alone that night that I began crying and didn't stop or leave my apartment for three days. More than three decades later I sometimes think back to the people I've lost and how my life might have been different if they were here today. In many ways, the time I spent with them had a significant impact on my life, but I can also see that their deaths made a difference as well. It was the loss of these people that played a part in going back to school for social services. I wanted to help people who had been through similar traumas and were dealing with the depression I had to deal with. Through all the work I have been privileged to do, I still remember why I started on this unexpected path and that I wouldn't be here today helping others if it weren't for them. I'd like to think a part of each of them lives on in me and in how I can help others.

    My advice is to keep your grandfather's memories alive in how you interact with and treat other people. Remember the good times you had with him and be a good person. It's all he ever would have wanted from you.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 18-Oct-2014 at 14:54.

  5. #5


    I've always cherished the memories of the loved ones I've lost. Even though it can be painful when they're gone, I think that when you remember a person, it's like a part of them is still with you. I think of my grandfather and what he would do often, and in many ways I would consider myself a success if I could be half the person that he was.

    My advice to you, demonic is to stop seeking for a way to get past the pain of his loss. Instead, accept that the pain you feel is a reminder of the person you knew that can be a comfort to you as you go through life.

  6. #6


    Some of this has already been said Demonic, but I'll add my two cents too.

    When we lose someone that is close to us, they never really are gone. Their memory lives inside us. That is why it seems so hard to get over their passing. We remember the birthdays, the road trips, the meaningful conversations, all of the good times and the bad times that we shared together with them. These memories effect who we are and the decisions we make everyday. And those times that we think back to remember that person, we are sad that we aren't making new memories with them. This sadness isn't a bad thing. This sadness reminds us that we are human and that the relationship that we had with the other person actually meant something. This might sound weird, but that sadness should be celebrated. Celebrate the good times that you had with your lost ones. That is what I try to do whenever I think about my grandpa who passed away a couple years ago.

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