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Thread: Worst mother ever?

  1. #1

    Default Worst mother ever?

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...ld-endure.html

    As someone who volunteers with special needs kids--including some with conditions similar to Dylan--to say that I find this disgusting would be a massive understatement.

  2. #2

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    Why would you ever willingly bring a disabled child into this world, knowing full well what they would have to endure? I can understand if the illness is very manageable, but the child needs around the clock care, and most likely will never recover. That's grounds enough to feel guilty about forcing someone to live a life like that.

    Also, the mother goes on about how she cares about her son more than anything, and that she feels bad that her son has to go through what he goes through.

    I can't say I disagree with mother's actions, and I will very willingly do the same. Maybe not for the same condition, but if it was serious, absolutely.

  3. #3

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    I don't think so.

    I think these parents are voicing frustrations that they feel like they haven't been able to voice and that they don't know how to articulate. They've spent the last five years dealing with unrelenting stress that has shattered their lives. Nothing they've said is a reaction a normal and reasonable person would not have. People become frustrated and crack under stress. That's natural. People express themselves poorly when they crack. That's natural.

    A former colleague's daughter was born with all sorts of issues, a couple of which university doctors could not identify. Things have started to get better, but those first couple of years were really touch-and-go. (Daughter) underwent almost a dozen surgeries in her first year alone. It wasn't until about six months doctors were even sure she would survive. My coworker loved and loves her daughter, unquestionably, but there were times she confided in me (we were basically the work husband/wife duo of our deparment) sentiments not dissimilar to what's contained in that article. Not necessarily that she would have sought to end the pregnancy, but that she occasionally wished things hadn't gone as they did, that their lives had become more difficult or even worse in some ways. She didn't mean any of that to demerit her daughter. Saying things like that often result in commentary like the OP had to offer, so one in that sort of situation quickly learns to stay the fuck quiet or be branded a terrible human being.

    Everyone needs to let off steam at some point. I still consider it an honor that my coworker thought enough of me to confide in me, and I'm happy I could offer her a safe way to vent a bit. Perhaps the people in the article did not feel they had any support system or even anyone to which they could vent.

    Now, if they're not properly caring for their child, then that's something to worry about. If they're doing what they can, then instead of instantly branding them inhuman monsters, it might be worth trying to think about where they are in life and where their commentary originates.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by KuroCat View Post
    Why would you ever willingly bring a disabled child into this world, knowing full well what they would have to endure? I can understand if the illness is very manageable, but the child needs around the clock care, and most likely will never recover. That's grounds enough to feel guilty about forcing someone to live a life like that..
    For all his issues, it doesn't sound like Dylan is in physical pain, and I don't read anything about any mental handicap. So I'm not sure we can say he is suffering.

    Look, I feel bad for his family. I wouldn't want that cross to bear. But why not use the energy they used to pursue the lawsuit, and use that towards helping Dylan? Why antagonize people? How many folks might have stepped up to help Dylan, but won't now because of his mother's comments. It might be a cliche, but sometimes, you really can attract more flies with honey.

    I just can't wrap my mind around these "Wrongful birth" lawsuits. I wasn't meant to be, as my mom was on birth control when I happened. I'm sure as hell glad she didn't abort me. And I'm technically handicapped.

    I see so many families and kids with significantly more difficult challenges than these parents. And they are some of the sweetest human beings you could ever hope to meet. If folks want to feel sympathy for anyone in this family, start with those two kids. They deserve it.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Illinoise View Post
    For all his issues, it doesn't sound like Dylan is in physical pain, and I don't read anything about any mental handicap. So I'm not sure we can say he is suffering.
    "He has a permanent tracheotomy, is fed nutrient-rich milk through his stomach, has slurred speech and a deformed right arm." He needs around the clock care, and will never be able to eat food normally, talk normally, or use his right arm to the capabilities that the average person will be able to. It could be a lot worse, yes, but he will never be able to experience life normally.

    "But it is not merely their longing for a healthy child that has persuaded them to speak now, with a candour that many will find quite shocking, but something closer to desperation, too. Because the fact is that the Kellys' lives have been shattered.
    Forced to leave their jobs to care for Dylan, they have been declared bankrupt and have now lost their home. They get through the weeks and months with the help of anti-depressants. They are furious that – as they see it – the Royal Victoria Infirmary (RVI) in Newcastle failed to tell them how gravely disabled Dylan would turn out to be, and what consequences would follow."

    They were never informed what their baby will have to deal with, which they are supposed to be. They have given everything up for Dylan. Their entire lives are destroyed now, but they still love Dylan with all of their heart, she can't express that enough. Her not knowing what her baby would be like when he was born has ruined her life.

  6. #6

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    Even if they were informed, if the child was in the later trimester, there's no turning back. My daughter in law works with children like this, and some much worse. No one wants a child with severe disabilities, but life is terribly imperfect. The strong rise to the occasion.

    Yesterday I brought my wife home from the hospital and she had one less leg. Last night was very difficult. We learned that our new wheel chair didn't fit through the bathroom doors. Even the walker had difficulty. Then, the hospital had her hemo dialysis catheter was so clotted up, that we couldn't do home dialysis. It was a very tough night. I've never regretted taking the path I did, meeting and marrying my wife. We have three beautiful children and five wonderful grandchildren.

    Everything we do in life has risk. Deciding to have a baby is one of those risks. My wife was told by her doctor that having children would make her diabetes worse along with her overall health. Together we decided to take that risk because we wanted a family. Now she and I have to pay that price. Life is so imperfect that it always ends in death. All we can do is meet the challenges and do our best. We've paid out a lot of what we've earned to the expenses of health, but I wouldn't trade having my children for any thing. In the end, it will right itself. Death has its own reasons and there's the after death which puts it aright, in my belief system.

  7. #7

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    Idk if this is even considered worst but my mom has been always very overly protective towards me even today

    - - - Updated - - -

    I can't go out anywhere without her knowing where and when I'm coming home and I'm 25

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by KuroCat View Post
    "He has a permanent tracheotomy, is fed nutrient-rich milk through his stomach, has slurred speech and a deformed right arm." He needs around the clock care, and will never be able to eat food normally, talk normally, or use his right arm to the capabilities that the average person will be able to. It could be a lot worse, yes, but he will never be able to experience life normally.
    No one is denying that the kid has some serious issues that he will have to deal with his whole life. But he is only five years old. Speech therapy might help him to speak. (and even if it doesn't, he might be able to qualify for one of those electronic communication devices.) As for the arm, yeah, the right arm might not work "normally", but his brain has had to deal with that since birth. I bet he can do some amazing things with his left arm. (and again, therapy can help.) The trach and feeding tube situation would impact his quality of life. But, again, as long as he is not in chronic pain, and has normal intelligence, he can still grow up to be happy. And regarding the around the clock care, again, he is FIVE YEARS OLD. Even "normal" five year olds aren't the most self-sufficient people you're ever going to meet.

    Maybe I'm just desensitized from working with handicapped kids, but I look at those pics of him with his sister, and I don't see a "handicapped" little boy. I simply see an adorable little guy who probably needs a hug. And he definitely doesn't need folks throwing him on the scrap heap.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    Even if they were informed, if the child was in the later trimester, there's no turning back. My daughter in law works with children like this, and some much worse. No one wants a child with severe disabilities, but life is terribly imperfect. The strong rise to the occasion.

    Yesterday I brought my wife home from the hospital and she had one less leg. Last night was very difficult. We learned that our new wheel chair didn't fit through the bathroom doors. Even the walker had difficulty. Then, the hospital had her hemo dialysis catheter was so clotted up, that we couldn't do home dialysis. It was a very tough night. I've never regretted taking the path I did, meeting and marrying my wife. We have three beautiful children and five wonderful grandchildren.

    Everything we do in life has risk. Deciding to have a baby is one of those risks. My wife was told by her doctor that having children would make her diabetes worse along with her overall health. Together we decided to take that risk because we wanted a family. Now she and I have to pay that price. Life is so imperfect that it always ends in death. All we can do is meet the challenges and do our best. We've paid out a lot of what we've earned to the expenses of health, but I wouldn't trade having my children for any thing. In the end, it will right itself. Death has its own reasons and there's the after death which puts it aright, in my belief system.
    You articulated a lot of my own thoughts on this issue.
    Thank you.

  10. #10

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    I hope the boy never sees this. I wonder if my parents would have terminated me if they knew as well but I will never ask. I can understand why the couple feel that way and what it has put them through but they are being honest with themselves. How many parents today think if they could do it over, they would not have had kids? I have read that statement a lot online and this is normal kids I am talking about. I went through it myself at one point, if I had known my husband would have a seizure and fall and hurt his back and barely be able to move, I would not have had a baby. But yeah when you say something like this about a kid with a disability, it's so horrible and everyone goes uproar about it but not about normal kids because it's not as extreme.

    Oh yeah I also thought about getting an abortion in my second pregnancy because I was scared of going through another miscarriage and dealing with it all over again. But the only reason why I didn't go through with it was because it would have made my husband very sad and no way could I do it behind his back and lie about it and I wanted a baby.

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