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Thread: Help, I'm looking for some insight.

  1. #1

    Unhappy Help, I'm looking for some insight.

    I came to a realization about myself over the past few days.

    A friend of mine, who I've shared about being an adult baby with, would always mention the term "head-space" within our conversations. I thought I knew what she meant, but then I began to break down and analyze myself during what I "thought" was me as an adult baby.

    Here's what I found:

    A. I don't like messes or getting dirty, I've never intentionally spilled food on my face as well as self or even crawled around on the floor.

    B. My adult persona is dominate at all times, which means I can't lower myself to "truly" act or talk like a baby. (This has always troubled me)

    C. I can't truly let go and use a diaper because of hang ups such as leaking, in which I'll promptly get up and clean right away or completely change out of the diaper. Subconsciously I just can't ignore getting the floor, bed or couch wet.

    D. I honestly have a sexual connection with my baby side, but more like in a toned down version of BDSM. I like being bound or stuck in one place, not having any say in the matter, similar to what a real infant would experience and I find it to be a strong sexual turn on, if this makes any sense.

    I have a wardrobe of adult baby clothing today and it's ALL relatively immaculate, hell, some I haven't even tried on yet. I enjoy taking pictures mostly and actual using my bottles and pacifiers, but self-wise, that's as far as I go. I do enjoy being treated as a newborn/infant, because it has something to do with the attention versus trying to be something I'm not and even then, I'm not sure that last statement makes any sense at all.

    It's funny, I used to pride myself on being an adult baby in every true and possible sense, only to find out if anything, I'm damn near pseudo

    At this point, I don't even care if the truth is hard to shallow, but I cannot for the life of me, figure out why if I cannot bring myself to be who it is I think I am, then why can't I walk away?

    Is this a path I walk alone?
    Last edited by Ebonybaby; 07-Oct-2014 at 16:49.

  2. #2

    Default

    Firstly, don't be so tough on yourself, Ebonybaby. If you don't feel like doing some of the ABDL activities you used to (or didn't enjoy activities which you liked in theory), there's nothing wrong with that, so long as you're not depriving yourself of those activities. The most important thing is to be true to yourself, and if you're not acting in babyish ways you don't feel comfortable with, then you're being true to your feelings. That's a good thing.

    As to whether you're alone in having a (currently) mild AB lifestyle, I would imagine the answer is a resounding 'No'. Everyone on this forum does things to different extents. There are some people who like playing with baby toys, but have no desire to actually act or talk like a baby, and hate the idea of wetting or messing a diaper. Heck, they might even prefer to wear adult-style underwear. On the other hand, we've had members here who've said how great a 24/7 ABDL lifestyle is/would be, for them.

    I don't think you have anything to get stressed about. If you're upset at feeling like you've lost your baby side, just try and have a babyish day where you get involved with all the toys, behaviours, clothes etc. which you feel you've neglected, and try to ignore your adult 'persona''s attempts to criticise babyish behaviour (you're not alone in having this problem, either).

    If you're still not feeling like much of an AB afterwards, you know you've done your best to recapture that immersive feeling. If it brings you back to a position where you're able to regress, then super. Either way, there's nothing to feel down about.

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Ebonybaby
    My adult persona is dominate at all times, which means I can't lower myself to "truly" act or talk like a baby. (This has always troubled me)
    I'm same way, I've been trying to learn how to overcome that.

    I've noticed most people seem to completely separate there little side from there adult side. For me they are combined, so I have to teach myself when its ok to act on my desires to be little, and when to suppress those desires, by default my mind will be like don't do that you will look stupid lol.

    Also some things sound cool in fantasy but are embarrassing at first in real life, such as talking like a baby in-front of people or alone, even if its with other ab's online.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Ebonybaby View Post
    I came to a realization about myself over the past few days.

    A friend of mine, who I've shared about being an adult baby with, would always mention the term "head-space" within our conversations. I thought I knew what she meant, but then I began to break down and analyze myself during what I "thought" was me as an adult baby.

    Here's what I found:

    A. I don't like messes or getting dirty, I've never intentionally spilled food on my face as well as self or even crawled around on the floor.

    B. My adult persona is dominate at all times, which means I can't lower myself to "truly" act or talk like a baby. (This has always troubled me)

    C. I can't truly let go and use a diaper because of hang ups such as leaking, in which I'll promptly get up and clean right away or completely change out of the diaper. Subconsciously I just can't ignore getting the floor, bed or couch wet.

    D. I honestly have a sexual connection with my baby side, but more like in a toned down version of BDSM. I like being bound or stuck in one place, not having any say in the matter, similar to what a real infant would experience and I find it to be a strong sexual turn on, if this makes any sense.

    I have a wardrobe of adult baby clothing today and it's ALL relatively immaculate, hell, some I haven't even tried on yet. I enjoy taking pictures mostly and actual using my bottles and pacifiers, but self-wise, that's as far as I go. I do enjoy being treated as a newborn/infant, because it has something to do with the attention versus trying to be something I'm not and even then, I'm not sure that last statement makes any sense at all.

    It's funny, I used to pride myself on being an adult baby in every true and possible sense, only to find out if anything, I'm damn near pseudo

    At this point, I don't even care if the truth is hard to shallow, but I cannot for the life of me, figure out why if I cannot bring myself to be who it is I think I am, then why can't I walk away?

    Is this a path I walk alone?
    Honestly, that sounds a lot like where I'm at. I call myself 60/40 DL/AB (sometimes 70/30 DL/AB depending upon my mood). The 40 comes in because I like childish clothes and the idea of a nursery. I like to suck on a paci and relax and cuddle. Like you, though, if I think I'm about to leak, I go right back to full adult mode. This is not to say that I ever really leave an adult headspace. I don't regress, despite trying. The closest I get is a deep relaxation. I've tried playing with toys, and I find it insipid. I've tried doing videogames that I played when I was younger, but I still get into them like I would as an adult.

    The 60 is the rest of me, the mostly adult that loves the feel of diapers, that gets off with diapers, that just likes to wear them and do the stuff I'd otherwise be doing.

    Truthfully, my interest in nursery gear is in the light bondage it offers. I maintain that ABDL play and BDSM play only really differ in the trappings. In AB mode, one is strapped into a highchair and restrained "for safety" and fed whatever thing "daddy" chooses. In adult mode, one is strapped into a bondage chair and "fed" whatever thing "daddy" or "master" chooses. In AB mode, one is put down for the night in a crib. In adult mode, one is put down for the night in a cage. Whether you padlock it or not is purely up to you and your playmates. The point is that the trappings are really all that changes.



    So I say a couple of things. One-you do not walk alone. Two-so what if you're not as AB-centric as you thought you were? What changes? There's always room for a cute boy in cute things having fun stuff done with/to/by him. If you're enjoying yourself, then who cares whether it's "pure" or "psuedo" AB play? Three-this stuff isn't catechism or doctrine. You do not have to believe it all to get to heaven. It's perfectly fine to pick and choose which bits work for you and which don't appeal to you. I find playing with baby toys absolutely insipid, so I don't do it. I love Legos, though, so sometimes I'll play with Legos.

    At any rate, I hope you can find some peace.

  5. #5

    Default

    Thank you everyone for the input <3

    I've been doing a lot of soul searching as of late and in turn, I think I've ether became or realized I am my own worst critic.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Ebonybaby View Post
    Thank you everyone for the input <3

    I've been doing a lot of soul searching as of late and in turn, I think I've ether became or realized I am my own worst critic.
    Hey Ebonbaby, You've to be who your are and what you want to be
    I'm just starting in being an adult baby, so I read some storries here and imagine to how it would feel for me. However, I like to wear girl clothes and I wear them in private just because I like it. But still due to my surroundings I don't dare to wear it all the time and for that reason I didn't wear diapers yet.
    But do what feels good to you!

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Ebonybaby View Post
    Thank you everyone for the input <3

    I've been doing a lot of soul searching as of late and in turn, I think I've ether became or realized I am my own worst critic.
    Hey bud we are all a mix .
    Bottles, binkes ,cribs, plushies, baby clothing, little kid movies coloring.
    I feel we are defrent littles I'm a mix of toddler and baby.
    You dont need to be full on infant never did just what makes you happy.
    Just be happy being you.
    We have to mix with others that are not into we we are into so shure there is bleed over.
    We need to be big at time's to get along with all those out there .
    So your ok .
    Hugs

  8. #8

    Default

    As a group we are on a spectrum. Some are 100% DL and 0% AB and some are 0% DL and 100% AB. Most of us are somewhere between these two extremes. Another thing to remember is that there is no 'law' or reason that you can't change from one point on this scale to another. It is fluid.

    Your last post '...my own worst critic.' may be the answer.

  9. #9
    BrandonSleepypuppy

    Default

    You do not walk the path alone. I walk A, B, And C with you but I dont like the punish or
    Bound side, and I change almost instantly and cant bring myself to babytalk, although
    i tried.

  10. #10

    Default

    "D" for me doesn't really sound as straight forward as I made it out to be, but I didn't want to go all "essay" on you guys. I don't really care for punishments unless morally deserved (like an adult temper tantrum or something related). I was physically abused (beaten, not sexually) when I was a child, but up until I let those skeletons out of the closet to deal with them, I only ever caulked it up as childhood. I'm just glad as an adult now, that I've learned how to forgive and it's been a journey through hell with nightmares and such. The bound portion of which I speak, is the equivalent of what is a normal infanthood such as cribs, highchairs, strollers, car seats and other things of that nature.

    The sexual aspect comes in a way of knowing there's nothing I can do or say to escape these things (and adult bondage equivalents of such), where infantile frustration becomes an aphrodisiac. Combine with maternal love and affection that comes with these secure states are strong enough to transcend my adult state of mind.

    Now that I think about it, I believe the real problem is that I've been trying to desexualize my baby side, which I knew from the beginning is a lie. My idea of "truly regressing" is a good rub job to make me drool in estasy, outpouring my adulthood into the seat of my diaper and somewhere along the way, I started beating myself up about it, because I didn't want to be looked at in a negative way.

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