I came to a realization about myself over the past few days.
A friend of mine, who I've shared about being an adult baby with, would always mention the term "head-space" within our conversations. I thought I knew what she meant, but then I began to break down and analyze myself during what I "thought" was me as an adult baby.
Here's what I found:
A. I don't like messes or getting dirty, I've never intentionally spilled food on my face as well as self or even crawled around on the floor.
B. My adult persona is dominate at all times, which means I can't lower myself to "truly" act or talk like a baby. (This has always troubled me)
C. I can't truly let go and use a diaper because of hang ups such as leaking, in which I'll promptly get up and clean right away or completely change out of the diaper. Subconsciously I just can't ignore getting the floor, bed or couch wet.
D. I honestly have a sexual connection with my baby side, but more like in a toned down version of BDSM. I like being bound or stuck in one place, not having any say in the matter, similar to what a real infant would experience and I find it to be a strong sexual turn on, if this makes any sense.
I have a wardrobe of adult baby clothing today and it's ALL relatively immaculate, hell, some I haven't even tried on yet. I enjoy taking pictures mostly and actual using my bottles and pacifiers, but self-wise, that's as far as I go. I do enjoy being treated as a newborn/infant, because it has something to do with the attention versus trying to be something I'm not and even then, I'm not sure that last statement makes any sense at all.
It's funny, I used to pride myself on being an adult baby in every true and possible sense, only to find out if anything, I'm damn near pseudo
At this point, I don't even care if the truth is hard to shallow, but I cannot for the life of me, figure out why if I cannot bring myself to be who it is I think I am, then why can't I walk away?
Is this a path I walk alone?