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Thread: "Want" vs "Need"

  1. #1

    Default "Want" vs "Need"

    I had a really unusual situation happen this afternoon that got me thinking. I went to visit my step dad who has recently been admitted to a rehab center after having hip replacement surgery. He is not per say elderly or anything. He is in his late 60's and in possession of all his faculties. The hospital staff decided he needed extended rehab care because there was/is concern with regard to mobility issues while his hip sets up and heals, etc. So I walk in and he's sitting up in a wheel chair, dressed, looked good, watching a ball game. I asked him how things were going and he was telling me about how they don't want him doing anything on his own, Like nothing on his own at all! So while I'm standing there talking to him his nurse walks in and I'm a normal guy and I don't know what the deal with nurses is ( Maybe the female population can enlighten us on this ) but his nurse walks in and the first thing I'm thinking is wow, " She's his nurse?" She says hi to him and says just let me know when you are ready to turn in and I'll come in and help you with "what we need to do" and then you'll be all settled in and comfortable for the night. His bed was made and looked very clean and orderly and she sets down what appeared to be a hospital gown and...."A Diaper" Now I'm only taking a guess here but what I was thinking based on what my step dad was telling me was that in the early stages of his hip healing the idea is they don't want him doing anything that can endanger the hip replacement including moving the wrong way, etc. She set the stuff down on the end of the bed, says what she said to him all the while patting the hospital gown and the diaper. I said nothing to the poor guy about it because I actually felt sorry for him. While the nurse was standing there I was of course leaning against the wall behind her thinking to myself, " Yah ok I think I'll just have a major stroke right here." I'm not kidding, the air conditioning was going and I think I broke out into a sweat! The whole thing brought something interesting to light for me though and that's the comparison of "Need" vs "Want". With something like that with a patient in a medical setting of course for health, welfare, safety, etc of the patient.....There is the need. I'm sure that he as well as any other person in that situation is probably thinking, "Crap! I hate this! How humiliating! How embarrassing! ". You quite literally have a nurse, another adult coming in and saying this is for your own good that I need to put you in a diaper at night which probably invokes within that patient the feeling of embarrassment, dread, and anything else. They the patient are stuck in the position of being treated much like a baby whether they want it...or not! This made me think about the "Need" vs "Want" thing again. Within the ab/dl realm most would say that diapers and other associated items are present and this is based on "Want" but I was thinking, yah but I'm guessing that there is a huge need there as well probably for a lot of people on this site and admittedly that includes me.
    Something to think about though. We start off little, grow up and out baby things, for ab's that growing up and out never really actually happens and then you go through life as a working adult, you drive a car, you maintain a home, you have a social life, you pay bills, you are for all intents and purposes an adult then....
    You are older and you suddenly find that you have someone who is an adult but much younger then you walking into your room in a rehab place telling you that they'll put a diaper on you and an appropriate outfit so that you will be all cosy for the evening ( I swear before I left she came back and said exactly that.... Que the stroke! ).
    I guess what I'm saying in the grand scheme of things in this long story is that while for medical purposes there is "Need" and for AB's there is "Want" I guess for a lot of AB's there is and always will very much be, "Need"

  2. #2


    To be honest, I think this is true about most ABDL things, not just diapers.

    ABDLs get a thrill out of wearing diapers because they choose to wear them and find them exciting/comforting/etc., whereas wearing out of necessity can cause diaper wearing to be an annoyance and not an enjoyment.

    Similarly, I find it cute when I'm in little space to babble unintelligibly, but for actual Littles trying to learn how to speak, and not being understood, that's probably a frustrating experience. Similarly, if I choose to have a naptime on a day, it's a treat, and I do it because it's what I want to do. For babies, they have to have that nap because they feel stressed and exhausted, and often in fact don't want to have a sleep in the day. That tiredness is a hassle which interrupts play for actual babies, whereas for us naptime is generally a fun part of regression. They're just a couple of examples.

    Tl:dr - Being forced to do any ABDL activity out of necessity makes it unpleasant or frustrating. I don't think I'd find any of my AB habits fun if they were something I needed to do, and not just another regression activity I can do when I fancy it.

  3. #3


    While wearing diapers may be all fun and feel normal for me and comforting, when I actually go on an incontinent forum and read stuff there, I can't help but find it all sad when they involuntarily wet and soil themselves and have leaks or accidents or need someone to change them. I feel the same way on here too and at DD by IC people. It doesn't feel the same reading that stuff like I would in AB/DL stories and by AB/DL people who voluntarily do this. There is a difference between voluntarily and involuntary.

    Reading about a DL purposely soiling themselves in a meeting and posting about it is different than someone with IBS or bowel IC doing at a meeting and they come online and post about it.

    It's like how I don't mind being at home all the time and a recluse but if I were to be put under house arrest, I would hate that. Because then I am not in control anymore and I am not choosing to stay at home. There is a difference. It's the same as being locked up. You don't have a choice and you can't just leave whenever you want and then be locked up when you want to. Same with diapers. With continence, I am still in control. Same as for being AB. But I wouldn't want to mentally regress and need caregivers and then I have to be watched after and then I need to be treated like a kid again by being told how to live my life. But we all know that will happen soon for all of us.

  4. #4


    I enjoy wearing diapers. I have grown to accept them out of necessity. Being completely IC, I have the medical paperwork to back it up.

    I have aides who change me everyday. It's something they get paid to do and even when I work with a new person they never question it. They just do it, because my history of IC is well documented and accepted .

  5. #5


    I both need to wear and want to wear. Because I am urinary incont I have to wear, but have come to enjoy being diapered 24/7 and found that I also enjoy other baby things like drinking from my bottle, sucking on pacifiers, and wearing onezies.

  6. #6


    I can understand the situation having been in medical situations on several occasions, and on both sides of the bed to boot.

    There is probably more to the story then a casual observer may see, but I would assume that the nurse is just being "considerate" and letting the patient know what is going to happen again like it has been for every night since they got there. A little better tact would have been a good step, but I do know that with hip replacements there is a lot that can not happen for it to turn out correctly.

  7. #7


    My wife is in a hospital as we speak, in acute therapy rehab. She had her right foot amputated below the knee. The reason why your dad is not allowed to get up on his own is probably because he is typed as a "fall risk". My wife obviously is, so a nurse has to watch her get out of her wheel chair and into the bed. She also has to be watched if she goes from her wheel chair onto the toilet. Eventually, in several days, I will be trained to take over that role so that she can come home.

    I'm surprised that they also didn't have your dad using a potty chair, but his injury is different from my wife's. It's also possible that you may have seen a bed pad rather than a diaper, though I realize you know what a diaper looks like. That's one thing all of us on this site excel at!

  8. #8


    I have Cerebral Palsy. I can't walk unassisted, & I can't go directly from lying down to sitting up. If I want to sit up from lying down, I gotta roll to my side, & push myself up. In little time, I don't have to spill food on myself on purpose, 'cause it'll happen naturally. Yeah, I'm real funny about the darn stupid things! Can't type the d word right now. Something about this thread has made me sad, & I'm fighting back tears. I'm what happens when AB & possible medical need collide. I want to throw my arms around the O.P's stepdad, & tell him I understand. To be honest, I'd rather wear cute AB cloth ones in the hospital, because an outsider would see me as a weirdo, not an invalid. I'll be sprung up on a flagpole by my undies before anyone but a loving partner bathes me, cleans me up (you know how.) or feeds me. When the 1 person I'll choose to let see my baby side tells me everything will be fine, what he'll be saying is, "I see all of you. Yes, you're an adult, but you're my baby, & I appreciate the trust you're putting in me. Unlike nurses, I won't treat you like you're just another invalid with the I.Q. of a houseplant! See my red cape? No one will disrespect you like that with me here. Don't think about them, sweetie. Breathe. Breathe & think about me. Don't worry you're valid."

    I need to wipe my eyes now.

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