Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 25

Thread: The truth. No more hiding why I am here.

  1. #1

    Default The truth. No more hiding why I am here.

    Earlier this morning I made a post showing my disdain to the abdl community and that I feel I am not a part of it. So my story to why I feel this way: all my elementary years me and my younger sister played house. One would be the baby and the other the parent. When my fourth grade year ended my sister didn't want to play anymore so I started looking for other ways to play house. I thought the internet would be a good place. I searched something like "I want to be a baby" and that's when at a vulnerable age I discovered this lifestyle. I soon told myself I must be like these people... And I began searching more and more things until my parents saw my searches. My dad asked if it was sexual and I was confused. I didn't understand how wanting to be younger would be, but I late realized he saw how sexual and perverted abdl is. I didn't search or do anything about being young again till middle school and one night I decided to make a makeshift diaper. I put it on in bed. I laid down on my belly and when I moved I felt a sensation. I continued to move till the sensation reached its apex. I pleasures myself for the first time on accident in a "diaper". I quickly realized what happened and was mortified. My innocence with being a baby was forever gone. The rest of middle school I would put on a makeshift diaper and masturbate till I would, you know. Strangely, I thought it technically wasn't masturbation at the time since I didn't use my hands because I thought it was wrong to do it the traditional way. Little did I know they for no different and I would forever associate pleasuring myself and diapers from then on. It is miserable. It wasn't ever supposed to be that way. I don't want it to be sexual but my naive mind in middle school thought I wasn't doing any harm. HOW DO I FIX THIS AND MAKE IT LIKE IT USED TO BE BEFORE I SEARCHED ON THE INTERNET.

  2. #2


    ...You don't, and there's nothing to be fixed, really.

    Sounds like you have a fetish for diapers. So do I. So do lots of people on this site. Lots of people have fetishes for lots of different things. And in almost all cases, you can't get rid of a fetish, and there's really no reason to, because usually they're harmless facets of a person's sexuality.

    There's no reason to feel guilty over masturbation, even in a diaper. Did you know that babies and small children sometimes masturbate too? It's a natural human behavior, even for little ones!

    I can understand that you may feel like the ''innocence'' is gone if being a baby stirs up sexual feelings, but you must remember that your body is still that of an adult, with all the sexual urges that come with it. And that's OK! It's understandable that one may feel guilty when one's fetish involves children in any way - even I do from time to time - but try to realize that your fetish doesn't hurt or otherwise affect actual kids.

    Maybe you can try to find something babyish to do that doesn't stir up sexual feelings. If just the diapers arouse you, there's tons of other things you could do that don't involve them, like sucking a pacifier, coloring, or watching cartoons.

  3. #3


    My suggestion is that you indulge in what it is that you want.
    Buy some diapers, toys, etc; and just be little.

    Don't worry about who it is that you should be, and become who you are.
    If you truly don't want to view it sexually, and there isn't any part of you that has any reserves about that; then it comes down to a matter of habit.

    Find a different sexual outlet to focus on if you need one, until that becomes the habit.
    You might need to do it gradually; stopping cold turkey can be hard.

    I used to look at AB porn all the time. I'd use it as a way to get the thoughts out of my head, and it became a habit. So far, I've managed to shift it to where the only thing that I view sexually about this are certain stories/fan fics.

  4. #4


    Hey, so if you didn't read what I posted on your other thread, read it if you want some context to this: I have been through what you are going through. Many of us have, you are not alone, and you are not some perverse person for it. At that age, you didn't know what was sexual, what was masturbation, this was all new to you and you were only doing what you thought felt good. It is part of what I referred to as your animal nature.

    First of all, Don't beat yourself up over it! You are at the same age that I was when I was trying to understand myself. The best advice that I picked up while being here is, "set a standard/boundaries" for this. Make sure that you are taking care of your needs, but don't let them be the shame of yourself, or your obsession (obsession may be defined differently than others, but I think it is safe to say that putting unnecessary reliance on others is a good point to at least say is 'too far'). Learn to take care of your needs frequently enough that you can go back to life as society expects of you.

    I have some personal questions, but you don't have to answer them, but at least ask them to yourself:

    What is your stance on Masturbation? Do you think it is bad? I grew up thinking it was bad because of religion, it wasn't until later that I learned that psychologists discourage people from abstinence on masturbation (unless your body just doesn't need it). It is a natural process of release, and if you don't do it yourself, then it is going to happen in your sleep, and those moments are way more pornographic than what the internet can do for you, I'll tell you that. Guilting yourself over a natural process of your body is unhealthy, and can damage your concepts on sexuality and potentially ruin a future marriage/relationship due to lack of sexual activity. I suspect that some of this mentality is what might be stressing you about your fetish.

    What is your stance on pornography? I personally don't know what to say of it myself, but I can tell you it has always been a part of human society. It doesn't mean it is right morally, but what it does mean, is that you are a human, congrats! According to sociology, I could argue that pornography is a functional part of society. Looking at pornographic material in general can make you feel dirty though, a lot of this is because of socialization(lots of people are taught it is evil growing up). The most important thing to note about pornography is, don't let it consume your life (That includes obsessing over escaping it, if you are guilting yourself because you can't stop looking at it, you are letting it consume you! Just as much as if you did nothing all day but look at it.) Life is about balance, and understanding that it is simply a miracle that society exists and people are able to associate without tearing each others heads off, because we are all psychotic in some way when you start to observe. I'm sorry if suggesting that looking at pornography in a controlled pattern offends anybody, but lets face it, it is better than depression over guilt when you really just can't abstain from it %100.

    Do you think pedophiliac thoughts while sexualizing diapers or adults in diapers? If so, I can see how that would be disturbing, maybe a talk with a psychologist over this could be a good idea(this may never change your thoughts, but it could), but don't go wanting them to change your enjoyment over diapers, it has been reinforced through your young adult entrance into sexuality, and is very difficult to change, and not come out scared. If you don't think pedophiliac thoughts while practicing this fetish, then great, you just like to see people wearing diapers and maybe having sex in them, that isn't going to get you chasing after children.

    -end of questions-

    I remember growing up loving the innocents of playing games with my stuffed animals, dreaming of adventures, and I was still a teenager back then. I was so hungry for the quest to obtain that innocents again when it became sexual, a lot of that quest has killed my ability to feel emotion without being deeply regressed. I actually remember activities like yours where you played house. One of my earliest memories was of playing house and being the baby (it helped because I was the baby, but I loved it). I also remember playing zoo and being a lion or a tiger cub, it was so fun, and I did that still close until becoming a teenager, which isn't common. The innocent side of it is so wonderful and relaxing, don't loose it, and don't let people tell you that it is bad. One of my three psychologists said "Everything about [this lifestyle] is bad" (that was including having lots of stuffed animals, apparently having 1, maybe 2, was ok), what even supported his statement though? Nothing, it is based on a social concepts, and he didn't even have anything to support it when I asked him why. He was a psycho, and I felt happier when I left him.

    Some people here are capable of de-sexualizing this part of themselves, or never sexualizing it in the first place. If you can, all the better for you, if not, you are still a human, and you are not hurting anybody or yourself, learn to love who you are. I would suggest seeing if you can get aroused by other things that are not connected to the fetish if you are wanting to try. See if normal sexual material/activities work just as well for you. Maybe you need to set apart time that you can fulfill your sexual needs regularly, and then set apart time to fulfill your adult baby needs regularly(from the sounds of it, you do have adult baby needs in my opinion, I say this because you want to "restore the innocents of it," sorry (but not sorry) but you are kind of an adult baby if you asked me, but that doesn't mean you have to categorize yourself as one, labels are not always the best. If you can get yourself sexually stimulated from conventional porn/masterbation, maybe you can separate the two, but there can be no promises. The thing you have to accept is, you are a sexual creature now, that is what happens from puberty. You also have to understand, that part of you wants to escape to childhood again, and that is ok, it is actually very normal, but adult babies just want it more than other people.

    Well take everything for what it is, my opinion based on my experience. I hope it helps though, and have to say, congrats on being honest. Good luck, and hang in there, a few more years and I bet you will reach a point of self acceptance and understanding that none of us understand anything completely, we just try and make ends meet, and try to be happy.

  5. #5


    You know's a pretty long road to acceptance, and that doesn't mean giving in, just learning to love the person you are. If you constantly demonise this part of you, you're just going to allow unnecessary hatred to grow inside'll find yourself overwhelmed with AB desires such that you can't control yourself then you'll even feel worse because you'll feel like a failure.

    You've got to find perspective in this. IMHO you are undeniably an adult baby. Now you can get all psycho about this, or learn to integrate it into your life. None us know why we are this way. I can tell you right now that the internet did not make you like in was you that typed in the search 'I want to be a baby'

    You've had bucket loads of good advice from lots of people here on a huge range of questions. Take on board those things that you know are right for you.

    Stop feeling guilty. You are a beautiful human being, created just the way you were supposed to be. So what that you're in touch with your inner child, so what that you need the security of needing to regress. These things don't diminish you as a person, only you can do that by the way you deal with it. DONT LET IT RULE YOU .

    You are a sexual being and that's normal and natural ... It's unfortunate that it's linked in with these other needs you have, but it probably not the reason for it, so just give yourself time to learn how to balance it. Seriously dude, it's a bodily function. When two people love each other, when they make love, it's not about the bodily function, it's about the unique and intimate care they show for each other, the other bit just feels nice. You can still have that and be AB....the hard bit is working out how to deal with it in your life.

    It's only a problem if it becomes unhealthy. That means you let it rule you. If it takes up too much of your life and time it could be destructive. If you allow it to hurt others it would be a problem. Naturally, you have to decide how what when and where you're going to take care of your little self. But ultimately, you do have to accept yourself. Enjoy this part of you. Stop hating yourself or you'll never be able to love anyone else.

  6. #6


    What I'm reading from this post isn't really an issue with diapers or ABDL. Here's what I think the key quote is.

    Quote Originally Posted by Reword View Post
    My innocence with being a baby was forever gone.
    Believe it or not, almost every single person in the world goes through this. Replace "baby" with something else, but almost everyone has this moment. Getting older, for both men and women, means a changing sexual identity. People who once saw each other as friends may begin to see each other as something more. People with fetishes discover them, people who are homosexual realize it, and even the people who are the most vanilla heterosexuals begin to realize new kinds of pleasure that they can derive from their own body.

    And for most people, it freaks them out. Because it's out of their control. The first experience many people have had with masturbation is that they didn't even realize what they were doing and were surprised when it happened. That certainly was my experience, and it has been described by many others sharing on this forum, including yourself.

    Also, make no mistake, it is a loss of innocence. For everyone. Not fully understanding sexual attraction is a huge part of what innocence means. Once someone, anyone, begins to view others through a lens of sexual attraction, it's not innocent. Sexual acts, whether they come through a relationship, a fetish, or a simple fantasy are serious, important things for anyone and everyone involved.

    However, here's where you're getting off track.

    Quote Originally Posted by Reword View Post
    As you can see from the many responses, the answer is that you don't. And worse than that, you're blaming the wrong thing. It's not the fault of the Internet, porn, or anything else. Your Internet searches might have been the first thing you did when you were sexually interested, but they came about because of a desire that you already had. The loss of innocence you describe is from a makeshift diaper that you made yourself, not the Internet. I'm so, so sorry that this is tearing you up inside, but it's something that has been with you a long time, long before you started to search the Internet, and it would have manifested whether you started looking for porn or not.

    Moreover, there's nothing to "fix" because there's nothing broken within you. A diaper fetish, in whatever form it takes, is unusual, but it's not an illness. It doesn't prevent you from living a normal life, working a job, having hobbies, or dating (if you're interested). It doesn't cause you long-term harm, or raise your risk of other diseases or death. In fact indulging in regular masturbation (within reason) is actually supposed to be good for long-term health, and notably lowers the risk of prostate cancer for men.

    I understand that you're hurting Reword. That you feel like things are wrong and the feelings that you have in reality don't match with the ideal that you hold for yourself. That's a very difficult thing to go through and you have all my best wishes that the crisis you're experiencing passes quickly. The best advice I can give you is to wait. Just wait and see. Don't do anything you don't want and don't make any decisions about what's right and wrong for yourself just yet. In time, I think you'll come to understand yourself better.

  7. #7


    Everyone already told you some good stuff so I don't need to repeat it; but why not just say it in the first place? There's no need to jump through hoops or try to stir up things when you could have just said so in the beginning. Just a little knowledge for future reference.

  8. #8


    Life is short. Live it. We ALL have our "wish I had not said/done that" moments. We all look back and wish for some part of our lives again, especially when you get older. My attitude it is this now. Enjoy what you enjoy. Dont over analyze everything. No matter what you say or do someone will be unhappy about it. So do what YOU want, but be considerate of others. After looking after many sissy babies over the years even some on here would be quite shocked with what some enjoy, but these days I try to never judge. Do not get hung up on personal feelings or regrets. If you cannot change it why worry about it? Put yourself in a nice nappy and relax (etc)

  9. #9


    Quote Originally Posted by Reword View Post
    Little did I know they for no different and I would forever associate pleasuring myself and diapers from then on. It is miserable. It wasn't ever supposed to be that way.
    The fact that you did this did not lead to this.
    Your "affection" for diapers is hard wired. You have it or not, it doesn't exist because you created a makeshift diaper once and did so more often. You did create a makeshift diaper once and did so more often because it does exist.
    Just like homosexuality, or any other preferences we don't choose them. We have them or not. We don't create them later on, it was already created.

    Quote Originally Posted by Reword View Post
    You can't fix something that isn't broken. And how to make it like it used to be, well, let's for the picture of it say you can travel back in time and start over from where you want.

    You would end up supressing your desires for these years. That won't make you anymore happy, in fact it would make you less happy, and the desires would surface in other ways plagueing you mentally and emotionally.
    To fix something you need a problem. A fetish isn't a problem on itself, it's only a problem if the person having it considers it a problem. To fix that problem you will have to find a way to live with it in peace.

  10. #10


    Quote Originally Posted by Reword View Post
    Sorry, puberty changes everything. That would still be true even if a diaper had nothing to do with the experience. That's one of the reasons we as parents and grandparents try to shield our kids from blatant sexuality until they're ready for it. Growing up happens all to quickly without any external influence.

    Just because you have a diaper fetish doesn't mean you can't experience and enjoy regular sex and relationships also.

    Not to worry, if you're like most people, you'll still be able to experience some of the innocence of childhood via children and grandchildren. Its not quite the same, but hey, that's the way life is.

Similar Threads

  1. Truth, Half-Truth, Lies...
    By EPO1 in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 27-May-2014, 11:58
  2. What is Truth?
    By babyjasmine in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 49
    Last Post: 22-May-2013, 06:56
  3. Truth
    By Sila in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 29-May-2010, 11:22
  4. Truth vs Lieing
    By dprdinky in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 23-Jun-2009, 15:15

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  • - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.